Page 77 of His Atonement
Even though my vlog is private now, it won't always be, which is why I'm not going to mention anything about theuniquepart of my project or anything else I've learned since everyone told me their secrets.
I'd rather chew off my own hand than share what they confided in me, and just because no one else sees these videos now doesn't mean someone won't one day, and I'd hate to have anything about what happens here get out.
It's like a paranormal Vegas.
"So Vok has been helping me a ton, he really has a great eye for the work and I think I'm going to revise my will and leave him all my stuff. I know he doesn't need me too, all the men here seem to be loaded, but I think he'll appreciate the fact that I left him my camera and shit because it's sort of been something we've bonded over." Another hard hit and I can feel my toes finally wiggle. "I've also been working on my cabin a ton. The darkroom is almost done, I’m just waiting for the chemical baths to come in and once they do, Zan and Colt are going to hook up all the plumbing for me. Zan has actually helped me with almost everything I've gotten done in my cabin. He helped me build all the new furniture I finally ordered, and hung all my pictures and shelves because he's super tall. He even built an adorable little house for Thor that sits in the corner of the living room and painted his name over the door."
I cash out my bowl and wait to see if I need to pack another one. "Zan is another new development in my life. We're basically… married, I guess?" I snort and shake my head. "I don't know, marriage isn't really practiced in his culture but that's essentially what we are, and I know that's a big change from wanting to punch him every time I saw him. And trust me, I still want to do that most days but, well, I fell in love with him and he felt the same, so now the urge to strangle each other also comes with the most mind blowing sex I have ever had, more laughing than I've ever done, and so many of the sweetest moments. My heart literally squeezes when I think of them. In only a week’s time, Zan has spoiled me absolutely rotten and I'm now the proud owner of only the sexiest panties, lingerie, and the hottest fucking corsets I've ever seen. Zan is kinky as fuck and I have a feeling I've only touched the tip of the iceberg.” I giggle and start packing another bowl. "And yes, he has a monster dick that he definitely knows how to use."
I sigh like a lovesick moron then check the clock again. "In case you're wondering, I'm waiting for Zan right now. He went into town with Andrej and Colt to pick up supplies for the plumbing in my dark room and should be back pretty soon. I still haven't told him about my diagnosis, but I know he knows something is going on. He's known since long before we started spending so much time together and I don't think I'm going to be able to hide it much longer, especially since I'm sure a few bad days are coming after going so many without. I'm going to tell him, I have to, but I don't really want to because I'm worried it'll change things. I don't want Zan to look at me as though I'm sick, like there's something wrong with me. I mean there is, for sure, but I don't want to be treated that way. He's definitely analpha-hole, as Allie put it, and if Zan finds out about the shit I deal with, I'm worried he'll treat me like an invalid or something and then he'll probably stop fucking me like he was born to do it. I just want to be in love like two normal people, spend time with him the way other couples do and not beZan and his sickly wife Frankie. I will tell him though, just not yet."
I take a couple hits off my bowl then set it down. "And we haven't really told anyone about us either, though I'm sure a few are starting to wonder. It's not because we don't want to or because we're hiding it but honestly, there's two really good reasons for it. At least I think so." Pushing myself up further against my pillows, I realize I can finally move my ankles and unbend my knees.
"Reason number one is sort of an A and B. A, because we still do drive each other nuts a lot, so when we're around everyone we actually have a tendency to fight, which is no different from before. Maybefightis the wrong word, but we still exchange our banter, and try to get under each other's skin, so I doubt anyone would believe that we're in love. And we both get a kick out of how it irritates Allie and Cora when we do, so neither of us have felt the need to burst any bubbles with our relationship.
“B, because Zan wants to move in with me here and has no idea how to tell Cora. When he first moved to Ashland, Vok promised Zan that he could have their current cabin once they finished building their new one, and it moved Zan so deeply, meant so much to him that he's now terrified it's going to crush his sister that he doesn't want to live there. I keep telling him to talk to her about it, that if anyone will understand it'll be her, but he's convinced she'll hate him for it."
I smile so big. "It's cute that he cares so much, but my sweet jackass of a man is stupid sometimes. The other reason we haven't told anyone about us? We have been methodically fucking all over Dragovihk property during different group functions and if they knew we were together they'd expect it, but since they don't, it's way more fun to risk getting caught. Especially since Zan is definitely an exhibitionist, a voyeur, and as I said before, kinky as fuck. I actually feel kinda bad for whoever it is that is unfortunate enough to finally catch us. They may end up needing therapy."
One more check of the clock has me trying to stretch my legs out, only to have the muscles contract violently.
“Fuck." I squeeze my eyes shut tight. "Fuck, the dystonia is bad today. I started to loosen up but when I tried to move they pulled back and now they're stuck again. Dammit, Zan is gonna be here any minute. I really, really don't want to get into this shit with him, but I can't smoke anymore right now because I'll get way too high and just fall asleep, not to mention the rest of my weed is across the room. Shit. This is so not good. Maybe I can fake it. Yeah, just lay here and convince him I'm sleeping or tired. He did have me up all night, it wouldn't be hard to convince him—"
"Frankie, my darling girl, I come bearing gifts!" The man himself bellows through my cabin.
“Shitballs.” Then I just laugh because of course this would happen to me. "Cross your fingers I figure out a way to handle this because I am drawing a serious fucking blank."
"Darling, I hope you're indecent because my gifts are exactly that." He appears in the doorway, all six-foot and eight beautiful inches of him, with a bag in one hand and Thor in the other, the pig nestled under his chin. "Oh, you are bloody brilliant!"
I laugh harder as Zan's eyes land on my naked body, the part he can see anyway, and he shifts my baby pig and his bag to one hand, then immediately reaches behind his head and pulls his shirt off with the other before he drops his shorts to his ankles.
"Have I mentioned how much I love the fact that you are naked all the time?" He shuffles toward me because he still has his shoes on and the mesh keeps getting caught on them. Then Zan sets Thor down, pats his butt, and shoos him toward the door. "Go play. Mummy and Daddy needalone time."
I roll my eyes at my phone despite my giggles. "See? Always ready."
Zan flops onto the bed, kicks his shorts and shoes across the room then crawls toward me. "Always ready for you, my darling girl.” He dips his head and presses a kiss to each of my nipples that are basically waving at him. "Now pull back that sheet and show me your cu—"
"Zan!" Laughing so hard, I shake my phone. "Censor, baby."
"What's this then?" He arches a blonde brow at my screen, leans in, picks his teeth then flashes that ridiculously gorgeous smile. "Are we taking a selfie?"
I giggle because dammit, he is so cute, then shake my head. "Not right now. I'm recording."
"Ah." Zan turns a devious grin my way before he buries his face in my neck, and begins scorching my skin with open mouthed kisses. "I thought you wanted to wait until your new lighting came before we recorded our vigorous love making, but I will not complain." Then he stops, looks me dead in the eye and says with the most serious expression, "I should lube up first. My skin will look even more stunning on camera coated in baby oil."
"Oh my god!" I snort. "We aren't recording us, not right now anyway, because I do want to wait for my lighting. I was making a video of myself."
"How dare you,” he gasps with feigned offense. "Pleasuring yourself in front of the camera without my direction. My darling girl, you have deeply wounded me.” Zan smirks. "Let me watch it. Better yet, let's watch it together while I take you from behind and flog your delectable ass for starting without me."
I swat his hands as they grip the sheet, still acting playful even though I'm really trying to hide my legs. "Not that kind of video! One for my vlog."
"Vlog?"
"Yes. It's like a video diary. I basically talk to the camera about my day, document what goes on."
"And what goes on in your days, darling?"
I smile and push his messy mohawk out of those amethyst eyes. "You know, you've become a pretty big part of them."
