Page 51 of His Atonement
Well, that is not entirely true.
Part of why I did what I did was caused by the overwhelming need to comfort her while she was so upset, coupled with the desire to have her body close to mine because the woman has me thinking with my dick more often than not, but it was also something else, something I did not understand.
Frankie appears to be strong, both physically and mentally, but her inability to properly execute the firing of her bow and arrow was as perplexing as it was concerning—her frustration over it even more so.
There is no reason evident that should prevent her from doing such a simple thing, but each time she lifted her arms to try, it was as if she had no strength at all.
Then when I caught her spasms, the way her muscles seemed to twitch of their own accord and again when I felt it against my body as I tried to assist, that feeling of dread grew to epic proportions.
And her mood? The pure rage and obvious hate she harbors for herself almost crippled me because I could feel it as though I was experiencing them directly myself.
Yes, Frankie and I exchange our playfully angry banter regularly and I am very aware of the way we get on each other's nerves, but she is not generally an angry person and I knew for a fact when she snapped at me, told me to fuck off and that she had no time for me, I knew without doubt there was more to it than that.
Something is definitely going on with my darling girl and I've been annoyingly determined to get to the bottom of it.
Which is why over the last two days, I've inadvertently helped her with more of her bucket list items.
It was not my original intent, but each time I stumbled across Frankie either attempting to carry out one of the acts she listed or doing so successfully, I inserted myself in one way or another.
After the rage room session, Frankie tried to leave the main house but didn't get far when she said she was going to order a bunch of strange and unusual things for dinner. Since I was concerned she would find something she was allergic to—ridiculous, I know—and secretly did not want our time to end, I offered dinner on me and convinced her to share a meal at the main house.
We both found ninety percent of the weird shit she ordered to be disgusting and wound up splitting a Hawaiian pizza instead.
Apparently something that is a favorite for both of us.
The next day I promised myself I would leave her alone and work on my next form of payback for her photo, but when I stumbled upon Karel trying to teach Frankie how to drive a manual transmission, I nearly killed him and took on the task myself. My darling girl is an even worse driver than Cora, but I actually enjoyed the horrible, jerky, stop and go of it so much I laughed harder than I have in ages while Frankie cussed a blue streak at Karel's truck.
Later that night we laid on the roof of the main house and attempted to count the stars, and she impressed me with her knowledge of the constellations and their origins.
Today when I awoke, I convinced myself to avoid her all day, to create distance between us again but it has had me so on edge, so ornery and worried that I went to find her to quell my irrational thoughts.
Frankie was nowhere to be found, however. Not on the main grounds anyway, and because I am not going to give in to my ridiculous needs and go to her cabin, I've been sitting in my dungeon stewing for the better part of the day, smoking blunt after blunt while I alternated between nervous wreck and horny teenager.
This woman is wreaking havoc on my mind and I can scarcely stand it.
But once again, I have that feeling that something is wrong with Frankie, that there is a deeper, more alarming reason for her absence today than simply wanting to relax at home.
And I'm so goddamn mad at myself for it I could scream.
Thunder booms around me and I glance out my window, the sky black and full of heavy rain clouds.
Excellent.
All the more reason to stay inside and not go looking for Frankie.
A storm will keep both of us in place and there would be no reason for me to search her out when I know where she will be. And by the time it lets up, Allie will be back and she can tend to whatever the hell is going on with my darling girl, take the burden and rest it on her shoulders.
But what if Frankie loses power? What if the storm knocks the electricity out at her small cabin and she is no longer able to see?
What if her food spoils and she is left with nothing to eat?
What if Frankie injures herself in the dark, injures herself badly, and is unable to call for help because her phone is dead and she has no way to do so?
What if the rain turns into a raging storm and her small cabin cannot withstand the wind? What if it knocks all of the rickety shutters loose and blows out her windows, floods her home, and Frankie is lost in the wreckage?
I'm already in the tunnel by the time that thought hits and soon I'm running through the garage, out into the rain, directly toward Frankie's cabin.
Gods, this is maddening.
