Page 106 of His Atonement
I will fake it through one more day and night, then carry out my mate’s requests before I fall apart entirely, give in to the madness that will surely come for me before I push everyone away and wait for my own end to take me from this wretched place.
"Ha! Foiled again, demon!" Milos shouts as he throws his hands up in victory. "I believe that is the fourth game in a row I have won."
My gaze flicks from my heart living outside my body, to the screen where Johnny Cage completes his finishing move to Scorpion, my character mangled and laid out on the ground.
Another stupid attempt at normalcy, one my preoccupied mind has unfortunately failed miserably to keep up.
I lean forward and set the control on the coffee table. "I am done."
Milos continues his victory dance. "Oh come on, Tarzan, do not be such a sore loser."
My hands are on his throat before I even register the desire to choke him. "Do. Not. Call. Me. That!"
Immediately Andrej and Kai intervene, the dragons unable to separate us on their own so Colt joins in, wraps his arms around my chest and pulls to no avail.
It isn't until I hear Frankie call my name that I release the infuriating little twat, let him go with a hard shove before my eyes find hers.
"Go get some air, baby.” Frankie stands before me, her stare soft and warm, her hands tenderly cupping my cheeks. She gives me a smile, one that says she knows exactly what I'm feeling. "I'll come join you in a little bit.” Then she leans in and kisses me, kisses me as if those kisses are numbered because they are, just like every other fucking moment shared with her.
"What's your fucking deal, man?" Milos coughs out as I get to my feet. "You've been a serious dick the last few days. Obviously mating had the reverse effect on you."
I growl and prime to strangle him again, but Colt stops me, shoves me away from the couch and pushes me toward the French doors.
"Let's go."
He tries to guide me past my mate and remove me from the others, but I don't budge, not until I've stared daggers at Milos, call him a bastard in the Old Language, and kiss my darling girl one more time.
"Do you need me now?" she asks against my lips before I kiss her again. ”We can sit outside until dinner is ready."
I shake my head, and trail a finger down her cheek. "You stay, enjoy the young. I will collect myself for a few moments, probably smoke myself numb then return to partake in the meal with everyone." It's not what I want to do, not really. I'd rather drag Frankie back to our cabin and spend these last precious hours locked inside, just her and I, away from everything and everyone until we have no time left, but I cannot do that. No, I must keep up appearances until after dinner so Frankie can enjoy this final meal, these final moments with our family, something every last one of them is completely ignorant to. "You stay, I'll be fine."
My darling mate searches my eyes, looks deep to find what she already knows, already feels so heavy it's crushing, then pushes up on her bare toes and kisses me again. "I love you."
"I love you as well, my darling." One more kiss and stroke of her cheek before I turn and push through the shifters, and stomp my way out into the yard.
The second I'm outside, I pull the joint from behind my ear, light it, then suck half of it into my lungs. I've been smoking more and more since our wedding night, a habit I had almost completely given up thanks to my mate.
Frankie has canceled out my need for the herbs, my urge to collect souls or drain vitality. She has satisfied the addictions, become my ultimate high and though I feel that to my very bones, the thought of losing her has already created a void that nothing seems to fill.
It's perplexing really, to feel so satisfied and fulfilled while simultaneously feeling broken and empty. I had little understanding of feelings and emotions before, and since meeting Frankie I've had even less, especially with the many obstacles we have faced, the final one that draws nearer by the second.
"Brother?" Colt grunts as he closes the doors. "You gonna tell me what the hell is going on or do I need to guess?"
I glance at him briefly, take another drag, and hold the smoke in my lungs. "Nothing is going on."
"Bullshit."
"I swear it to The Maker Herself." Which means absolutely nothing coming from a demon, something Colt is well aware of.
"You've been a total cocksucker to everyone but Frankie, man. You even snapped on Cora a few times. Every interaction seems forced, you're so tense the veins in your neck look like they could pop at any second, and don't even get me started on the way you all but check out completely in between picking fights.” He pulls a cigarette from his pack, lights it, and inhales deeply. "Something is up, and I have a feeling it's fucking bad."
"Well, you and yourfeelingcan get fucked. Nothing is up, everything is fine, and I'm behaving no differently than I always have."
Colt tilts his head to the side and lifts a dark brown brow. "You're acting like you did when you first came here, which was almost a fucking year ago now, so for you to revert back to being an insufferable prick, especially after mating, says something is most definitely up."
I roll my eyes and finish my joint.
This is the last thing I fucking need.
