"You are worried about Havok?" His brow lifts in question but he doesn't say anything else.
"I am. I'm worried about how long he's going to be asleep, if he's in pain, and I feel..." At least I'm not lying to him, just not telling him the whole truth either. "I feel a little helpless, honestly. He's been so kind to me, helped me get my truck back on track, spent so much time getting to know me because he wanted to. I just wish there was something I could do for him." Ok so that was a sort of lie because the second they leave I'm locking the door and getting my vampire to feed. But he doesn’t need to know that.
"If it is not too much, does not impede your plans, the best way for you to help our brother is to stay with him. You spoke of how you care for him and I know he feels the same so, if it does not interfere with your personal agenda, stay with him. That is the best thing you can do for now. Make sure it is you he sees when he wakes, that he knows you are safe and sound. Just before we separated in the woods you were all he spoke of, his concern for your well being. Stay with him so that he may rest easier knowing you are safe."
I nod, swallow down the crazy mix of emotion, then watch as he turns to Henrich and Andrej. And for some reason I blurt, "Do you believe in past lives?"
All three men freeze, go stock still and I'm pretty sure they aren't even breathing. But after a few beats of silence, they turn toward me and nod in unison.
"So do I." I am probably going to sound insane but oh well. They obviously know Havok is a vampire so if they can handle that then what I have to say will barely move their meter. "I've always believed that the universe has layers, that to some extent we live the same life, sometimes with the same souls, over and over until we get our happily ever after. I've been running for a long time, running from something I'm not really sure exists but I've also been searching. I've spent almost fifteen years searching for something I can't put a name to, can't describe in words, but… but for the first time in what feels like hundreds of years I don't feel like I have to search anymore. To some extent, I feel like I've found what I've been looking for and, well, it all started when I met you." I take a shaky breath and fight the tears stinging my eyes. "I'm not trying to go all mushy or whatever, but some of the pieces that I thought were missing just fell into place and I'm really grateful for the way all of you have accepted me so easily into your lives. And because of that I feel like, like I knew you in another life, like my soul was searching for all of you, for Havok, and for the first time since I can remember I don't want to run anymore." Then I get to my point. "But something is coming, I can feel it in my gut, something big that I'm not sure can be stopped, something that has everything to do with me. And because I genuinely care for all of you, care for Havok so much, I don't want to bring anything into your lives that will hurt you, that will ruin what you've built for yourselves. I'm already in deep." My eyes flick to the bed where Havok is restlessly shifting. "So deep, but if you don't want me to stay because of what's coming then I need to know so I can plan when to leave. I—"
Andrej moves forward, grips my shoulders and levels me with his stare. "Stay."
"Yes little one, you must stay.” Henrich smiles softly. "I'm afraid Havok couldn't let you go if he tried and we tend to agree."
"You are clan, little one, and we keep our clan close.” Kai grins. "And anyone who fucks with our clan pays dearly."
One more shaky breath, one more grounding squeeze of Andrej's hands. "Then don't let me run." A tear slips down my cheek and I swipe it away. "I am programmed to run, to leave and try to protect myself from… from whatever is coming and the closer it gets, the stronger I feel it, the more likely I'll be to take off in order to protect myself, to protect all of you. I will go if you ask me to but until then..." Another damn tear. "Until then, please, don't let me run."
Then the strangest thing happens.
Andrej pulls me to him, wraps his arms around me tightly, and hugs me so hard that my feet leave the ground. But I don't get a headache or have some fucked up vision. No, it just feels totally normal and like it's happened hundreds of times before.
But the moment is interrupted when a broken growl comes from the bed.
So we turn, only to see Havok's eyes are still closed. He's thrashing a little more and still seems to be sleeping, but now he’s growling.
Which should not be as hot as it is, all considering.
Andrej sets me down with an actual smile, cups my cheeks, and looks over my face. "Stay now, stay always. Our clan is yours just as you are ours. You stay and we fight, we protect you from the monsters that lurk in the dark." Then he smirks and his eyes go impossibly darker before they almost seem to flicker white. "Our monsters are far scarier than whatever chases you, little one."
Somehow without making a damn bit of noise, Kai and Henrich walked over to us while Andrej gave another speech that has me ready to break down and cry, and the second he finishes, they each hug me as well. All the while Havok's growling grows louder, but when I let go of Kai and it stops, I giggle through my tears.
"Why is he doing that?"
All three men lift a brow like I should already know, but Henrich speaks. "Because you are his, little one. He is not in a state of conscious thought right now so his baser instincts have taken over. He can scent you despite his mental status and when we embraced, your scent mingled with ours and clearly, Havok does not care for it."
I snort into my hand. "You're all married. You're his family." And yeah, I'm his, whether he actually wants me or not, I'm totally Havok's.
"But in his current state he is not thinking, only feeling, sensing his surroundings. If Havok were fully awake and had his wits about him he would not think twice about what just happened."
Kai rolls his eyes. "That is not entirely true, he would simply have more ability to rationalize the jealousy. He'd still growl like a bastard."
And because I am all over the map with my thoughts and feelings right now, I reach out and hug Andrej again then crack up as Havok growls louder.
"Feisty little one,” he rumbles against my face, which barely rests on his chest.
"A shit starter indeed.” Kai snorts. "Perfect for our brother."
Hives. Hives all over my neck. And all the feelings in my head, my heart. I have never felt so much peace, so at ease anywhere else and I have a strange feeling that if I were to sit in a room for too long with all four of the Dragovihk brothers and Havok, some part of my brain would short circuit with the way they make me feel. But for now, I need alone time with my vampire.
"Do I need to do anything for Havok before you come back?" My question is directed at Henrich but I keep Andrej in my line of sight as well.
He shakes his head. "No, just let him rest. Check for fever periodically. Vampires run much cooler than normal so it will be very obvious if one spikes." He pushes a hand back through his hair on a yawn. "If that happens, apply a cool compress. Fever is good, we want his body to fight the infection, the poison, but we still don't want it to get too high."
"Is there risk if it does? Like seizures or something?"
Another shake of his head. "No. Just, other things can happen if it spikes too high, things we don't want to happen, especially while you're alone with him."
