That's me.
I'm ok with that, most of the time, but just once I'd like to know what it was like to be wanted.
I want to know what it would feel like to hold hands with a man, feel his arms around me. I'd like to know what it feels like to be loved and cherished; to be desired.
To be kissed.
But that's just not in the cards.
Besides, I've had so little human affection that I'd most likely develop an unhealthy obsession after a one night stand and be totally devastated when I never saw him again.
Not to mention there is this little part of me that wants to believe I'm meant for some great love, some profound, soul deep connection, and having a fling or casual relationship would taint it.
But again, not in the cards.
Dreams overshadowed by nightmares and that's all they'll ever be.
"Boy, you really do get lost in your head a lot, don't you?"
"Yeah." I start chewing my thumb. "Sorry. I... it's just been a weird few weeks and I'm still sort of in shock over getting this job."
"I get it. I was in a similar situation not that long ago."
"Your truck broke down in a small town while you drove down the coast as a penniless nomad?"
Posey giggles and shakes her head. "No, but I thought my life was running its course, set in stone, and then everything changed. It was a lot to take in but it was so very worth it."
Then Posey surprises me again.
She leans over, reaches out and takes my hand in hers as she whispers, "Sometimes, the thing we didn't even know we were looking for finds us first."
A chill shoots down my spine at her words.
It's not her fault they carry so much more weight than they should but they do.
So I give her hand an awkward, halfhearted squeeze and get to my feet. "I should go. I need to get home, work on my truck a little before it gets too late." I grab my satchel and sling it over my shoulder, double check I have my keys, and my Glock. "Plus, I'm sure Samson thinks I've abandoned him."
"Samson?" Posey's brow arches.
I nod. "My Great Dane. He's nine but he still acts like a puppy and gets nervous when I'm gone too long."
"You should bring him by sometime! I love animals!"
I frown. "You want me to bring my dog to the bar?"
Posey snorts. "Yeah, I guess that's not a good plan. Maybe we can meet up at the park one day? I can bring the girls, and Kai, since he rarely lets me go anywhere alone." Then she looks at me thoughtfully. "Too bad he doesn't have another unattached brother. Maybe I could scrounge up another eligible bachelor for you."
"That's not necessary, really." I start backing toward the door. "I'm only here temporarily, remember? No strings makes for a clean break when I leave."
"If you leave."
"When." I give her a small wave as I push open the door. "See you tomorrow, Posey."
"Bye, Gypsy girl!"
Wrapping my arms around my waist, I make my way back to the secluded clearing I managed to park my truck and house in just before it broke down completely. It should take me about ninety-five minutes to get back on foot, but my little slice of woods feels like it's thousands of miles away.
For someone who has spent almost every second of her life alone, you'd think I'd be used to being left with nothing but my thoughts.
