Page 78 of Playing for Payback


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"I have to." She stands, Gordie still pressed against her legs. "We both have careers we've worked hard for. This arrangement was always temporary."

"Right." My laugh sounds bitter even to my own ears. "I remember."

"It's not just that." She wraps her arms around herself as if suddenly cold. "This is getting complicated. Fast. And complicated is the one thing we can't afford to be."

I want to argue, to tell her we can figure this out, and to find a way to make it work. But the rational part of me knows she's right. We've been playing with fire, risking our careers for something we initially defined as temporary, petty revenge.

"I'll help you move," I say instead, surrendering to the inevitable.

She shakes her head. "I hired movers. My stuff that’s here will fit in my car, and they’re meeting me at the other place tomorrow at ten.”

Of course, she has it all worked out. Lena is nothing if not efficient, even when breaking my heart.

The thought catches me off guard. Is that what's happening here? Is she breaking my heart?

"Will you at least stay tonight?" I ask, hating the desperation in my voice.

Her expression softens. "Yes. Tonight, I'll stay."

I know I’m making things harder for myself, but the second Lena walks toward my room instead of hers, I know I’mgoing to make love to her one last time. Wordlessly, she sheds her clothes and climbs into the bed. I follow, pulling her into my arms and covering her mouth with mine.

I’m achingly hard, and she reaches down, squeezing my cock until I moan into her mouth. When I trace a hand down Lena’s body, I find her wet and wanting as well. She juts her hips against my fingers, and I fumble with the nightstand to grab a condom. I slide it on and roll on top of her, luxuriating in the feel of her body, of her softness surrounding me. I press my forehead against hers and thrust inside like it’s the most natural, normal thing in the world.

It’s never been like this, so easy. So natural. Lena digs her hands into my butt, urging me on, and I grunt as I drive into her. I want to do so many things, but I’m drawn by some unseen power just to thrust. Lena arches her back, finding the friction she needs against my pelvis, and I hear her tiny gasps and feel the flutters as she starts to come.

With my hand pressed to her chest and my mouth on her ear, I come, too, filling the condom with everything I’m unable to say at this moment.

After lying in my bed, our bodies still tangled together, skin cooling. I can't stop touching her, my fingers tracing patterns on her bare shoulder, memorizing every curve, every freckle as if I could somehow keep her with me through touch alone.

"This is so unfair," I whisper into the darkness, my voice rougher than intended. "I finally find someone who sees me—really sees me—and I can't have you."

Her body tenses against mine. "Alder?—"

"No, let me say this." I prop myself up on one elbow, needing to see her face. Moonlight spills through the blinds, painting silver streaks across her skin. "I've spent my whole life being defined by hockey, by what I can do on the ice. Even with Adam, I was just the athlete, the trophy he kept hidden.But with you..." My voice catches. "With you, I'm just me. All of me. And you accept that. You accept me."

Her eyes glisten in the darkness, her hand coming up to cup my cheek. "I do. That's why this hurts so much."

I turn to press a kiss into her palm. "I don't know what I'm going to do without you here. I know we said this was temporary, but it doesn't feel temporary. It feels like—" I stop myself, afraid to name what's growing between us.

Instead of words, I lower my mouth to hers, pouring everything I can't say into the kiss. She responds immediately, arms wrapping around my neck, pulling me closer. The kiss deepens and grows desperate as if we're both trying to imprint ourselves on each other before morning tears us apart.

I whisper against her lips when we break for air, "One more time. Please."

She nods, and I move down her body, worshipping every inch with my hands and mouth, committing her to memory. This time, we go slow, savoring each touch, each gasp, each shudder. I watch her face as she comes apart beneath me, and when I finally sink into her, the sensation is so overwhelming I have to close my eyes.

"Look at me," she whispers, and I do, our gazes locking as we move together. Something profound passes between us at that moment—something neither of us is ready to name, but both of us feel.

Later, she curls against my chest, her tears warm against my skin. I hold her tighter as if I could somehow keep morning from coming, keep her from leaving.

"I'll figure something out," I promise, though I have no idea what. "We'll figure something out."

She doesn't answer; she just presses a kiss over my heart as if we’re both pretending to believe there's a solution waiting for us beyond this night.

CHAPTER 27

ALDER

The townhouse feelswrong without her in it. After training, I walk through the rooms, cataloging the empty spaces she's left behind. Her toothbrush is gone from the holder in the guest bathroom. The dresser drawers are empty, the closet is bare, and the bed is made with military precision as if she'd never slept there.