Ineedto tell him I love him. It’s a tangible ache, like the empty kind you get in your stomach after going too long without eating. It’s gnawing at my insides, and I have no idea how I’m going to go two more days without telling him.
Last night, I almost blurted it out when he called me, but this isn’t something I want to say over the phone. I want to see his face, watch his mouth stretch into that smile that makes my knees weak, press my lips to his dimple, get lost in his eyes as they sparkle like sunshine on the lake in the middle of summer.
I’m weak when Nora shows up, and she takes advantage of it, dragging me through my apartment, dressing me in something other than the sweatpants and the heather gray T-shirt I stole from Grey’s house the last time I was there. It’s his favorite shirt, and it smells like him. I’ve been sniffing it like a crazy woman since I got home from breakfast yesterday morning and pulled itover my head, loving the way the soft, worn fabric felt against my skin.
Now, I’m in a sundress, a yellow one that Grey told me he loved. It has ties on the shoulders that he’s always toying with, like he wants to tug and see what happens. Nora also looks cute, in a long white eyelet skirt and matching top. She always gets dressed up for book club because she says she doesn’t get a chance to for anything else, and so the rest of us have started following her lead. It makes the whole thing feel extra special. Like we’re going out instead of squirreling away in one of our homes, talking about books and getting tipsy on cheap wine.
As much as I usually look forward to book club, tonight, I would rather be anyone else. No amount of Nora’s efforts to doll me up can conceal the redness rimming my eyes, the way I look like I’ve been through the wringer and come out significantly worse for the wear.
And my friends notice right away. Stevie first.
“What happened?” She looks protective, her brown eyes glinting. Stevie is usually quiet, pensive, always watching and listening, so she misses nothing. It’s uncanny.
I try to wave her off, but the four sets of eyes on me aren’t giving me any leeway. Sighing, I sink down onto Wren’s soft, worn leather couch.
The house she shares with my brother is pleasantly cluttered, the kind of cluttered that means people live and love here. I think of Grey’s quiet, clean house and my tiny apartment, too small for any kind of company. It makes my chest ache.
“I…” When I trail off, not knowing how to finish the sentence, Wren moves to sit beside me. She looks less tired than she has the past few weeks, now officially in her second trimester, and she’s glowing.
Her hand settles on my knee and squeezes. “Is it about Grey?”
I nod, thankful she brought it up, because saying his name feels too painful. “I sent him to Maine.”
Wren’s brow crinkles in confusion. “I thought he was visiting Charlie.”
“He is, but Charlie wants him to move there, has a job lined up and everything.” My breath comes out like a hiccup. “I told him to take it seriously, see if it’s something he wants. He can’t stay here just for me.”
Her lips twitch, holding back a smile. The reaction is so shocking that I don’t even know how to respond.
“Just for you?” she asks, that smile still playing at the edges of her lips. “Finley, his family is here.”
I shake my head, my throat aching with the lump lodged there. “You know what his relationship is like with his parents.” Actually, I don’t think anyone really knows the extent of it. I know I didn’t. But she at least knows how strained it is.
“I don’t mean his parents,” she replies gently, squeezing my knee again. “I mean Holden, Jodi, June, me.” She pauses. “You.”
The lump in my throat grows.
“He couldn’t leave us, Fin. It would wreck him.” Her eyes fasten on mine. “But that doesn’t mean he doesn’t need to hear how much you want him to stay.”
I let out a shaky breath, my heart pounding in my ears. Wren is right, of course. Grey belongs here. In Fontana Ridge. If not with the family he was born with, then with the one he chose.
I let my eyes drift around the room, settling on each one of my friends in turn. “I didn’t read the book.”
It feels good to get it off my chest. I’ve spent the last month wrapped up in Grey and have barely had time to focus on anything else.
Alicia stares at me as if I’ve grown a second head, setting her wineglass on the coffee table with a clink. “If you think we’retalking about some dumb book tonight, you’re out of your damn mind.”
“I think she should go to Maine,” Nora says.
Stevie perks up from where she’s seated on the arm of Holden’s favorite chair. “That’s not a bad idea.”
“I found a flight that leaves tonight!” Alicia yells.
My head swivels between the four of them, then I focus on Alicia. “What? How did you possibly find that so fast?”
“No time for questions,” Wren interrupts, jumping out of her seat. “Come on, we need to get to your place so we can pack. When’s the flight?”
“In three hours.”
