Holden watches me for a long moment. His eyes, so much like Finley’s and Jodi’s, are unreadable. “And you’re considering it.”
“Yeah,” I say with a shrug. “I think so.”
“You’d just leave everyone here?”
His words are a stab to my sternum, because the truth of the matter is that I wouldn’t be leaving much behind. Sure, there’s him and his family, my aunt, and even my parents. But I don’t have what he has. I don’t have a wife and kids. I have a home, but it’s empty. I’ve hardly even decorated it, because I want to find someone to do it with me.
“It hasn’t been any easy decision,” I respond. It feels like a lie, because as soon as Charlie mentioned it, it was like a lifeline, something that seemed as easy as breathing to latch on to. “I haven’t even made a decision. But I’m considering it.”
Holden holds my gaze for a long moment, searching, and finally nods. I don’t know if he found what he was looking for, but he doesn’t say anything else, just picks up his pace, and I follow, trying to catch up to him.
“Where in Maine?” he asks eventually, running slow enough to keep up conversation.
“Little beach town outside of Portland.”
He glances in my direction out of the corner of his eye. “You told anyone else yet?”
I shake my head, staring ahead. I don’t know who to tell, really. My parents would be upset about losing their buffer, to have to be alone with each other. Aunt Missy would probably cry, but she’d tell me to go if it’s what I want, so I don’t think I’ll bring it up to her until I’ve made a decision. Jodi can’t keep a secret to save her life. And then there’s Finley. I wonder how she would feel to know I could be leaving.
“Thanks for telling me,” Holden finally says. I chance a glance in his direction. He’s looking forward again, but there’s something in his expression that looks like sadness.
I would be sad to leave Holden, my best friend. He’s probably the only person other than my aunt and Charlie who knows most of my family dynamics, who knows that despite my reputation,I’m really just looking for someone to share my life with. That I’ve gone so long without finding it that I’m starting to lose hope.
I know that I won’t find another friend like him.
“You’re having another kid,” I say, changing the subject, and just like I hoped, it makes a tiny smile tug at the corner of his mouth. On Holden, that’s basically a glowing billboard proclaiming his happiness.
“Yeah, I am.”
“How did that happen?”
He slants a look in my direction. “Well, Grey, I thought you knew how this worked, but when a man and a woman really love each other—”
“I mean,” I cut him off, my breath sawing out of me from exertion. “Were you trying, or was it a surprise?”
Another twitch of his lips. “Surprise. The best kind.”
I don’t have to ask if he’s happy about it; it’s written all over his face. Two years ago, I would have sworn my best friend would never marry again. His ex had done a number on him, and he’d sunk all his time and energy into single parenting, leaving no room for anything else. But Wren had been good for him, and although their relationship isn’t effortless, they seem to fit in a way that feels easy.
I want that.
We’re quiet until we stop in front of Holden’s house. Wren used to live in the one next door, but she finally sold it before the wedding, and the two of them are living in Holden’s house until the cabin they’re building in the woods is finished. They’ve been working on it for close to a year. It’s slow moving, but they don’t seem to mind.
“Want to come inside?” Holden asks, nodding in the direction of his house. I can see Wren and June through the windows, making breakfast.
I shake my head, using my forearm to wipe at the sweat beading on my brow. “I have to work today.”
“Ah,” he responds, nodding. “So no run tomorrow?”
Since my shifts are twenty-four hours, we never run the mornings after I get off work. I’m usually able to sleep on shift, but it’s always fitful, and there are always things to be done at the station, so I’m never as rested as a night spent in my bed at home.
“Wednesday,” I tell him.
His chin dips in acknowledgment, and I think he’s going to head inside, but at the last second, he turns back to face me. “You know I love having you here, but if you want to go to Maine, I’ll be happy for you.”
“Thanks, Holden,” I say, and he heads into the house, to his family.
Maybe mine is in Maine.
