From the freezer, Jae stood, expectant but not pushing. With a sigh, Seth pressed his back against the futon. His eyes drifted to the ceiling, and he heaved a weighty exhale.
“I feel like I could’ve just accepted it if they divorced and got it over and done with,” he confessed, and somehow, speaking the words out loud alleviated some pressure from his chest.
Jae approached, settling on the floor. He ripped open a new packet of chips slowly, casually.
“Is this your parents?”
“Yeah. They fought all throughout high school, and I was always at the scene of the crime. Then, they separated when I was 15. I had to watch the whole thing, jump between both of them, see them getting with temporary partners. But they neverofficially divorce. I don’t know why. And then, when I was about 19 years old, they started hanging out again. Staying at each other’s places. A couple of months after I turned 20, they got back together. Mum moved right back in, as if she'd never left. And suddenly, everything was back to normal.”
“That sounds like a lot to have to take in. Especially for a teenager.”
Seth closed his eyes, and he was transported back to his 13-year-old self.
Hearing his parents fighting again. God - what were the fights even about? Sometimes money, sometimes silly, petty things.
All he remembered were the voices. Sharpened, like weapons, and used to cut deep.
People in love don’t act like that. At least, not the type of love Seth wanted.
“When they got back together, I just - I still can’t explain why it messed with my head. Why can't I get over it? How did they fix what was broken? How could they fall in love again after vowing against their own vows? God - it’s all so pathetic. I feel so broken from it, but can I even call myself broken, if my so-called trauma does not compare to what others have faced? It’s like I’m an imposter or something.”
It’s why Seth never voiced how he felt before. All of it, everything he was feeling, felt like child’s play. A tantrum that belonged to a 5-year-old, compared to what others went through.
He shook his head, fearing that he sounded absolutely idiotic to his one and only friend.
“Sorry, Jae, for that dump. I must sound so -”
“No, Seth. The human experience isn’t meant to be measured against each other. We’re all different.”
That’s when Seth glanced at Jae. His eyes were softened, but there was no pity present.
Only understanding. Only sympathy.
No mockery, no degradation.
“What if I’m too messed up for her?” Seth asked, his gaze dropping to the floor. He fiddled with the thread of the futon.
“You’re not messed up because of your parents, Seth. The fact that you’ve admitted this to me, that you are so scared. It shows that you’re willing to do something different than them.”
Was he right?
“Did you tell Nina this?” Jae asked. Seth shook his head.
“I don’t want this part of me to be a part of the us that could’ve been.”
“But that’s what love is. Helping her understand that this was something you need to work through. She would’ve stood by you, every step of the way. I know she would. I’ve seen it in her eyes.”
Nina’s eyes.Brown. Wide. Beautiful.
“But I don’t want to hurt her.”
“That’s up to her to decide, whether it’s a risk she’s willing to take.”
Jae pushed himself from the floor, and slumped down beside Seth.
“Look, man, I can see how much you love her. You love her, don’t you?”
“Yes,” Seth responded, with no hesitation. No fear.
