Would she laugh about how there was a stupid, silly boy she used to like in high school?
Would she curse his name, renounce him from her mind, for what he did?
As he laughed with his friends on the grassed field, posed for pictures for his family, swept up in the celebration of it all, his gaze drifted momentarily. And just for a fleeting moment, he saw her once more, on the far side of the field.
That smile, the one that spilled sunlight, was gracing her face.
It’s then that Seth understood.
He would never forget her. Hecouldn’t. Not in the way that people forgot things.
In the hours between night and day, when all was silent and still, the memory of her would water through.
The image of her smile, the crinkle in her eyes, the way her entire being was weaved of story and possibility and happiness.
Nina Mendez would always exist, tucked in his memory, in the liminal spaces of his mind.Even if his parents made him believe that love wasn’t real, he’ll always have Nina reminding him that it does.
— An excerpt from Nina’s diary, November 2018
31
Now
The next day after Seth let Nina go, he stayed in bed. He had nowhere to go, no desire to go anywhere. Do anything. He laid under the pretense of falling unwell.
“Just the winter weather,”he’d tell his parents.
They didn’t know him at all, because they believed him. Believed it all.
On the second day after Seth let Nina go, he stayed in bed once more. This time, he kept checking his phone. He’d scroll mindlessly through her Instagram account, lingering on her photos.
Embedded her smile into his memory. Tried to delude himself into believing that she was smiling because of him.
Too many times, did he type up a message to send to her.
Different renditions of:
Hey, I miss you
Hi Nina, how are you?
Nina, I miss you like crazy
He deleted every one of them. At one point, at 11:30 pm on Tuesday, hesworehe saw three little lingering white dotsfloating. She wastyping.Until she wasn’t, and the bubbles disappeared.
On the third day, his Mum started to ask him questions.
General ones, along the lines of:
Are you feeling better?
Are you sure you’re okay, Seth?
Did you want to talk to me, Seth?
Have you been stressed from uni?
Everytime, Seth dismissed her. Really, did she care? Or was it just out of obligation?
