A memory resurfaced, hot and vivid in his mind, of his Dad hunched over and sobbing quietly in his room.
It was a week after his Mum moved out, and they finalised the separation. Until then, they both betrayed no indication that they even cared about their separation. But the image of his Dad crying was branded in Seth’s brain.
Love did that to him.
Tothem,his parents.
It’s the only love he’s ever known, and what if that’s the love he’ll end up showing Nina? He loved her so much, but what if that wasn’t enough?
The thoughts clouded him in a dangerous orbit. He couldn’t be near her anymore, not if it wasn’t good.
He stepped backward, sealing the decision, against the protest of his heart.
“You’re right. I’m sorry Nina. I don’t deserve you, I’ve never deserved you…”
I don’t want to lose you, he thought. But if losing Seth was best for Nina, then he’ll comply. For her. She looked at him once more, and all he could think was how beautiful she was.Always.
She inhaled deeply, “I think we just need some space between us, for a bit. To just…work out what’s happening right now, on our own.”
“Okay.”
They both paused, lost in each other’s gaze, a magnetic pull pulsing between them. He wanted to kiss her, and he knew she wanted to as well. But she didn’t. Instead, she stepped backward, stretching more distance between them.
“I should go now.”
Don’t.
“Bye, Nina.”
His voice came out as a whisper.
“Bye Seth.”
He watched as she walked away, slowly fading from view.
30
Then
Through the last year of high school, Seth and Nina barely spoke. Hardly acknowledged each other.
Nina, of course, was normal. Laughing, cracking jokes. Lighting up her path wherever she walked. But she no longer had the same look in her eyes when she’d glance at Seth.
It wasn’t until graduation week that they finally spoke again. For the first time in a while, and for the last. On awards night, Nina won the honorary literary award, for her efforts in english and creative writing.
She also won first place in their HSC exams for English Advanced, a feat that everyone saw coming. She was well known for weaving her beloved stories together.
When she got on stage, Seth couldn’t stop staring at the way she’d done her hair. She’d done something to it, cut it short maybe at the front, so that a curtain of hair framed her face. The rest of it was tied back in a braid.
It wasn’t just her hair, but the way she held herself, that Seth was enthralled by. Shoulders back, head held high. Most of all, it was hersmile.Her smile, gracious and full of light.
She’s always been like the sun.
Seth, himself, won an academic achievement award for his efforts across all his classes. As he stood up on the stage, his eyes found his parents. Sitting separately, on different rows.
He was hoping that they’d at least be civil. To sit side by side. To give Seth a glimpse of what it was like before.
They couldn’t even sittogether, to put aside their differences just for him.
