“...Notthat I care if, like, he finds me pretty or whatever, you know. God, no…”
“Nina…” he murmured.
Suddenly, he was a stupid 17-year-old again, with words he never meant to say, never meant to think, nevermeantleaving his mouth. Because he was a goddamned idiot.
The biggest fool.
From the moment his mind formed the words, before speaking, he’d already regretted it. Renounced it. Declared it theuntruth.
Yet, it was too late.
It was the reason Nina couldn’t look at him properly again. Even later on, as graduation simmered through, and she was civil and kind, she could never look him in the eye.
“Sorry, I’m sounding silly. I don’t want you thinking I care about how he thinks I look-”
“You are beautiful, Nina,” Seth whispered, and he wished he could turn back time, and profess it to her like a mantra.
A pause. He swore that he heard the sharp intake of her breath. Then, a chuckle.
“Thanks, Seth,” she responded, and her tone was laced with amusement. He realised she didn’t believe him.
A wave of desperation crashed over.
“No,truly,” his throat came out croaky. Vulnerable. “Nina…you’recaptivating.I don’t think you realise that. You have this way about you that…makeseverythingaround you seem beautiful. Becauseyou,yourself, are beautiful. And it’s infectious. ”
The words poured out of him in a rush, bottled whispers and truths that were now out there.
“And I’m - I’m sorry. For what I said, when we were in high school.”
Silence stretched between them. It’d never been addressed. Never been acknowledged. They had kept it buried, almost like a curse.
But it existedbecauseof Seth, and while he could never undo what he’d said, he’ll do everything to reverse it slowly.
“We were only kids, it’s okay,” Nina said, though her voice, which had softened to a whisper, told him everything he needed to know.
That their age, the time that's passed, would never erase his words.
“It doesn’t matter,” Seth stated, his voice hard. He closed his eyes, memories of a 16-year-old Nina’s stricken expression flooding through. It’s a sight that has tormented him ever since.
“I was a fucking shithead. A coward, a dumbass. You are - you were always beautiful to me, Nina. And the moment those words left my mouth…I don’t know what I could do to ask your forgiveness for that. I don’t know if I deserve it. So I will spend the rest of knowing you, asking for that forgiveness, and reminding you of what’s the truth. That you are beautiful. Always have been.”
Heat rushed against his cheeks once he spoke the last word, and immediately, he clamped his lips closed.
He’s never…he’s never told anyone anything like that. Not even when he’d have temporary flings, where he’d certainly find the women he’d hold absolutely gorgeous. No doubt.
But he’d never felt the desire to voice it. He’d never found them mesmerising, as he does Nina.
As he hasalwaysfound Nina.
Thick silence thrummed in the air, stretching and pulsing, and Seth wanted nothing more than to break it.
“Seth - I - I don’t know what to say. You - sure, yes, you were a dickhead back then -” He chuckled at that. It was true. He really was, and he’ll always hate it.
“But you’re not like that now,” she concluded.
“You know Nina, I’d trade time to go back. To know you all over again, and make things right.”
She laughed, “That’s kind of against time travel rules Seth. You’d put a lot of timelines at risk.”
