Ialways thought heartbreakmeant hating the other person.
To completely erase them from your life, just like I did with Rafayel not long ago.
How silly I was to believe that was heartbreak.
What I’m facing now,thisis the true heartbreak. Distancing myself from my best friend, not out of malice, but out of care.
This week, I’m too consumed by the production for the assignment, making sure it all goes well to afford to think about Marlon. Of us.
The production period is from Monday until Friday, and 10 hours each day. Kiara and Diane don’t ask me too much about Marlon. They’re both just as consumed in the production as I am, with Kiara directing, and Diane being too busy with her responsibilities as the production designer.
No one notices a shift, as of yet. Marlon believes that my distance is as a result of the production. He texts me on Monday morning, right as shooting commences, that he wishes me the best of luck. I don’t reply to him over the next five days when he repeats the same sentiment over and over.
The sooner I forget my feelings for him and the sooner he forgets his affection for me, the easier it will be for both of us to move on. For him to have his happy ending with Christine.
Thankfully, I’m able to box my feelings during filming, and perform my best as producer. I complete all the right tasks, solveall the on-set problems. By the end of the week, the production is a success, and I’m brimming with pride over completing my first film.
On Friday night, after everything is wrapped, the crew goes out for celebratory drinks in the city. I allow myself to get lost in the celebration of our hard work finally paying off. At the bar table, Kiara and Diane encourage me to pursue a script of my own for the next production. They know how passionate I am over writing, and they’ve heard some of the ideas I think of during story class.
I reflect on how I’d begun writing more again because of Marlon. He really doesn’t know how much he’s affected me. Changed me.
During drinks, however, Kiara and Diane finally notice that there’s a cink in my attitude. They pull me aside, away from the rest of the cast and crew, ducking into a quiet area at the bar where we are granted some privacy.
I tell them about my chat with Marlon, and my decision to distance from him for his sake, and Christine’s. Kiara believes that Marlon truly likes me, though, and that he’s confused with Christine. Diane believes I shouldn’t waste my time on any boys right now, and to just focus on getting through the year. I agree the most with Diane.
On Saturday morning, Marlon asks if he can take me out. To celebrate how well I did as a producer, to congratulate me.
I want nothing more than to be with him right now, to see him. To go back to how it was - laughing in the car, singing at the top of our lungs, spending all night watching Sailor Moon episodes. His friendship, our bond, is one of the greatest things that could have come out of our ruse.
Now, I’m throwing it all away.
It’s for the best,I remind myself.
I open the message, and leave it unanswered.
Become a brick wall. That’s how I’ll combat this. If he wanted this thing with Christine to be successful, I couldn’t be here standing in the way, confusing him. It seems to work, because Marlon doesn’t text me again.
The next week is harder.
I’m in danger of crumbling. Of caving in.
My parents question why Marlon hasn’t been taking me to the station, and why I’d asked Dad instead to do so. I don’t have production anymore, so there’s no reason why Marlon isn’t taking me. I evade an answer, by telling them I’d just prefer it that way. Mum doesn’t seem to push it. Nor does Ria.
That Friday, Lolo and Lola asks me at dinner if everything was going well with studies. I inform them of the success of the production, and the relief that it’s all over. After their congratulations, they ask me how Marlon and I are going.
All eyes land on me. I simply smile at my Lolo and Lola as they ask this, and tell them everything is fine.
Yet, later that night after dinner with them, when I’m settled into bed, Mum comes to my room, just as I’m finishing up the last few pages of my currentPride and Prejudicereread. She sits at my feet, dipping the bed toward her.
“Are you and Marlon okay?” she asks, “I’ve noticed that you’ve been - you just haven’t been yourself this week. I know that you were under a lot of stress but -”
A surge of unwarranted annoyance shoots through me.
All of this wouldn’t have happened if it wasn’t for her and Tita Regina’s incessant childish matchmaking between Marlon and I.
This whole ruse was because ofthem.
“I’m fine, Mum,” I say, sharper than I’d intended.
