I round the car and help her out. She turns her body as if to walk down the road but I tug her towards the gate built into the white wall.
“Jackson,” she says quietly.
“Open mind,” I remind her.
I key in the code and gently tug her through the gate and up the gravel driveway with a cherry blossom tree in thecenter. I lead her across the path, until we reach the large green door.
I hold my breath as I take the key from my pocket and open the door, gesturing for her to go in first.
She steps inside and freezes. The large entryway has vintage tiles along the floor leading to multiple rooms and a stained glass window above the door causes colorful reflections to glisten along the white walls.
I rub my hands together to expel some energy.
“This is the living room, but there’s not much in there yet.” I gesture to the room beside me, “Kitchen’s this way.”
I grab her hand and tug her further through the house. I can’t look at her face yet. I need to get this over with first. Let her see everything before she processes it.
All I can do now is pray I’ve done the right thing.
27
ROSIE
Any minutenow I’m going to wake up and the last twenty four hours of my life will have all been a dream. It’ll be yesterday and instead of dragging myself to the office, I’ll somehow destroy my sister’s internet access so she can’t upload any video, and I won’t find myself in the Victorian townhouse of my dreams with my head somewhere on a different plane.
The kitchen faces the back of the house, and sunlight streams in through the large windows from the covered garden. A huge island takes up the center of the kitchen and I find myself doing a full lap as if it’s a roundabout. I have the strongest urge to open all the cupboards and see what’s in there, but I clench my fists together to stop myself.
The house is still a blank canvas, half opened boxes propped against walls and a random assortment of furniture. A question lingers in the back of my mind, but I haven’t got the strength to address it yet.
Jackson stands by the door leading back to the hallway, his eyes burning into my face. I can’t look at him. I can’t let him see the range of emotions coursing through me.
He leads me up the stairs, talking about light fixtures and high ceilings. But all I can think about is how soft the carpet feels underneath my feet, how much I’d love to take a bath in the claw foot tub he shows me in the main bathroom, how I can imagine glancing out the circular window above the stairs with a stained glass center.
I try to take steady breaths to calm my racing thoughts, concentrating as he shows me room after room–how manyarethere?
Eventually he stops at another door, turning to face me. His face is unusually shy. “You good?”
I nod, my mouth dry. I couldn’t say anything even if I wanted to.
He rubs his beard once before pushing the door open.
I gasp.
Freshly painted sage green walls greet me and beautiful bay windows let in the afternoon sun, reflecting off the white marble effect crib set against one wall. Above the crib are letters spelling out ‘Smudge’.
It’s beautiful. Unfinished, but I can already see the vision. The changing table that can sit against the other wall, a rocking chair under the window. In the future, maybe a small toddler bed in the middle, books and toys scattered on the floor.
I see it all before I realize that I can never give Smudge this. All I have to offer her is a small crib wedged between my bed and the wall. A flat that I could get evicted out of after a few missed payslips.
I suck in a breath, blinking rapidly to try to stop the tears from falling.
“What do you think?” Jackson asks, resting his hands on my shoulders, his thumb rubbing in smooth circles.
“It’s lovely, Jackson,” I say, trying to sound enthusiastic.This is good. If her mother can’t provide this life for her, at least her father can. It’s fine. We can make it work. It’s only a thirty minute drive, that’s nothing. Although, I don’t have a car and the journey would take close to an hour on public transport, but that’s still doable.
“Come on, there’s one more room I want to show you.”
I nod, pulling my lips between my teeth to stop them quivering.
