Page 103 of Unbroken
VADKA
We train for days,we listen to intel, and we scan our surroundings, but we’re not ready. Nothing feels like it’s enough. It never does, but this time, there’s more weight to the uncertainty.
I can’t keep Ruthie and Luka holed away, dependent on the Kopolovs for life. I tell myself it won’t last forever, that we will find a way through the dangers and threats around us. I tell myself this is what it means to be at war. Uncertainty, waiting. Survival.
I promised her.
But a part of me loves every second of this, savors these precious, stolen moments where we’re safe, and Ruthie can’t run and hide. After a long day of training, I slide into bed beside her or bring her into the shower with me. I can’t help being her caretaker. It’s who I am, what I know, and it fillsme with no small amount of comfort to know I can take care of her and Luka, even in small ways.
No one here questions that we share a room, and even though we don’t talk about it, there’s no wonder in anyone’s eyes anymore about who we are and where we stand.
Three days into the training at the Kopolovs, Rafail invites me to the balcony for a drink. He pops the top off a beer and hands it to me. My body’s tired from training hard, my muscles sore, but in a way that feels like a good day’s work.
I sit beside him and take a long gulp.
“Where’s Ruthie?” he asks quietly.
“With Zoya.” Zoya wanted her to read over an essay or something.
Rafail leans back, his eyes assessing, but the glimmer of a smile on his lips. “What are your intentions with Ruthie?” As thepakhanof the Kopolov Bratva and my best friend, I know he has the right to ask.
But it still feels too personal, too sacred.
I look out over the balcony. The sun is setting, hints of gold and red touching the buildings that loom in the distance. The wind kicks up with a bite of cold, and somewhere not far from here, a dog barks. I sip my beer. Swallow. Lean forward with my forearms on my knees and meet his gaze.
“I love her, Rafail.”
He nods. Waiting. I haven’t answered his question.
I look down at the bottle as a bead of condensation rolls down the amber glass.
“And I know she loves me.”
“Has she told you?”
“Yes.”
Another beat passes.
“And her mother? What’s the latest news with her?”
I shrug. “She’s stable, for now, but declining. She’s losing her memory, and that scares her. Makes her combative. But she’s in good hands, it seems.”
Ruthie doesn’t know it, but I paid good fucking money to ensure that happened.
“Yeah.”
“So this isn’t just comfort, then. You’re not slipping into her bed because it’s warm and familiar. You’re thinking about the future.” Is he baiting me? I nod slowly, my shoulder tense.
“I didn’t plan any of this, not with Ruthie. But the more I’m around her, I realize… she fits.Wefit.” I glance up at him. “She challenges me. Sees me. Doesn’t flinch.” I look away. “With Mariah, it was different, yeah, butIwas different.” I take another sip of beer. “Drives me fucking mad some days knowing I’d burn down the fucking city if it meant keeping her and Luka safe.”
What I don’t say out loud is that it scares me to lose any control, and Ruthie undoes me.
Rafail leans forward, his tone low. “And do you think that’s enough? That you’re ready to protect them, no matter the cost?”
I stare at the beer in my hands. “It’s a start, isn’t it?”
He watches me for a long moment, then looks beyond me, back at the house. “I think she’s scared.”
