When he was no longer thirsty, and had cooled somewhat from the unbearable heat, he turned to Berkant. "What happened after I…left dinner?" Fled like a pathetic coward, but he couldn't bring himself to say the words, no matter how true they were.
"We were all quite worried about you, especially Nadir, who feels particularly guilty."
Ender frowned. "Guilty? Why in the world wouldhefeel guilty aboutmybehavior? He's not the one…" Ender looked away, drawing his legs up and wrapping his arms around them, that sick feeling returning to his stomach, churning and roiling. "He did nothing wrong. Nobody has done anything wrong, except for me. I am sorry I fled, though, that was not the way to handle the situation."
To his astonishment, Berkant chuckled, and smiled gently when Ender looked at him. Still smiling, Berkant swept his eyes over the soldiers, who were scattered around the rest area, so they had eyes on every direction, and were far enough away from Berkant and Ender to give them some measure of privacy. "You will have to speak with Nadir yourself, and latermy king, but I can tell you that you are not as alone in your feelings as you think, and you have nothing but support and understanding from the rest of us. Unconventional does not always mean wrong."
"I—" Ender's waterskin slipped from his fingers as mortification rushed through him, and he only vaguely noticed as Berkant caught it. Had he really been soobviousin his amorous feelings for his twin brother? Gods, what must they think of—
"Hey, breathe," Berkant said, cupping his face in his hands. "Ender, did you understand what I said? Youhave our support."
Ender laughed bitterly. "I cannot imagine why."
Berkant sighed. "Because life is complicated and strange, and expecting people to act so-called normally under abnormal circumstances is ignorant at best, cruel at worst." He brushed his thumbs gently along Ender's cheekbones. "Please, do not worry upon anything until you are home safe. That is all that matters right now. Everything else can wait until then, all right? Focus on yourself, nothing else. Also try to remember none of this would have happened if my king had not summoned you, dragged you right into the middle of our mess."
Ender's laugh this time was softer, faintly amused. "I suppose there is that." Though he didn't really blame anyone except the people who had hurt him, hurt all of them.
"Good," Berkant said, dropping his hands slowly. "Shall we continue onward, then? We'll be home right around dinner time if all goes well."
"Dinner at home sounds lovely. Let's go."
*~*~*
A brief windstorm slowed their progress, so unfortunately they didn't arrive until well after dinner. Enderwas sore, exhausted, and had sand in places sand was never meant to be. All he wanted was a thorough rinse, a long soak in the hottest water he could find, and to sleep for at least fourteen hours.
Unfortunately, he was so sick to his stomach with anxiety and dread that he doubted he'd be able to do anything except stand around staring blankly at a wall as abject terror ate him from the inside out.
He stumbled as they reached the top of the steps to the grand pavilion, but even as he was resigned to breaking his nose, he was swept up into familiar strong, warm arms. "You can't—"
"Shush," Berkant said gently, a thread of amusement in his voice. Instead of going through the main entrance, he cut to the far end and touched one of the many ornamental flowers carved into the wall. A section of the wall swung slightly outward, and moments later they were in a dark tunnel that smelled of dust and dirt.
"There are secret passages?"
"Of course. What fun would a lavish palace be without them?" Berkant replied with a soft laugh.
The sound of a match filled the space, along with the scent of sulfur, and the resulting tiny flame swiftly became a glowing lantern. Berkant offered a hand that Ender immediately took, a tiny part of his tension easing in the reassuring comfort of Berkant's gentle strength.
It all came roaring back though as they exited the secret passages…into a room that was so beautifully appointed, spacious and luxurious and smelling of fresh flowers from the garden, that it could only belong to one person.
Who appeared a moment later. "Berkant!Ender!" Shafiq all but ran across the room to them and pulled Ender into a tight embrace, putting Ender's head right in the hollow of his throat. Shafiq smelled utterly decadent, of amber and roses andsomething smoky. "You're safe, thank the gods. I've been so worried." He drew back, hands heavy and reassuring on Ender's shoulders. "Are you all right? I'm so sorry this happened to you."
"I— I'm fine." As long as he didn't think too much about how he'd killed someone. About poor Raia being dragged away with his blood trailing behind him.
Maybe he wasn't so fine after all.
Seeming to realize that, Shafiq pulled Ender back into his embrace, gentle words falling over Ender as he clung tightly, shaking and crying. He barely noticed when he was moved, laid down on the world's softest bed, exhaustion dragging him down immediately.
When he woke, he felt sore, grimy, and utterly confused.
Oh, gods. He'd cried all over Shafiq.
Pushing away the soft blankets covering him, cringing at the dirt and sand he'd left all over them, he climbed out and pushed to his feet.
This was not his room. This was most definitely Shafiq's chambers. If the spacious, beautifully appointed bedroom wasn't enough to give that away, the luxurious gardens he could see from here, the fountains and pools keeping the chambers cool, definitely were.
"You're awake!"
Ender looked up sharply, confusion turning into low-level panic as he stared at Nadir and everything that had happened before his kidnapping, the conversation with Berkant after their reunion, crashed down on him. "You—"
