Page 73 of Death at a Highland Wedding
“Do not. Please.”
“Okay.” I stand there, thinking.
She said she fears he doesn’t feel the same. That makes sense; who wants to like a guy who doesn’t like them back? In my case, I’m just hoping my feelings for Gray subside, like an inconvenient crush.
Yet she also said she fears Hugh feeling the same, and she just stopped me from saying I believe he does. Why would she not want Hugh to return her feelings?
The thought of Gray having feelings for me makes my heart jump… but it also makes my stomach drop, a little voice in me screamingNo, no, no!That way lies heartache, because as much as I want to insist Simon is wrong, deep down, I fear he isn’t, that Gray and I would both be hurt.
I continue, slowly, “You’re afraid of Hugh having deeper feelings for you because it’s safer to stay friends. You have that much, and you don’t want to lose it.”
“Yes.”
“And you’re afraid you would lose it because your only experience with love is heartbreak.”
Her shoulders roll in discomfort. “Humiliation and shame. Not heartbreak. I never loved Lawrence. I only told myself I did.”
You don’t elope with someone you don’t care about. Even if it hadn’t been a great love, there’d still been heartbreak, on top of the humiliation and shame. Also, disappointment. Crushing disappointment.
She pivots to me. “What if Hughdoescare for me? What if he kissed me because he cared for me back then? What if everything could have been different? If I could have ended things with Lawrence and been with Hugh instead.” Her eyes glisten. “What if I could have been happy?”
I take a moment before answering slowly, “How did you feel about Hugh when he kissed you? Did you love him?”
“What?” Her brows knit and she gives a short laugh. “Of course not. He was my younger brother’s friend. I was very fond of him, naturally, but he was…” Her hands flutter again. “Hugh.”
“And after that kiss? Did that make you think of him as more than Duncan’s best friend?”
Her face reddens. “Yes, but not as a possible husband. If I am to be forthright, as I know I can be with you”—her face goes even redder—“what it awakened were thoughts of desire, of physical want.”
“The thought that you might like to take Hugh as a lover. Not the thought that you might like to run away and marry him.”
If her face goes any redder, it’ll burst into flames. “Yes. That. If I saw him as more than Duncan’s friend, it was that I saw him as a desirable man. But not as a husband.”
“Well, then, I don’t think you can look back and wish you’d made another choice. I don’t think there was a choice to make. Not between Hugh or Lawrence, at least. You thought you loved Lawrence, and I suspect, at that age and point in your life, you were more interested in love than lust.”
She nods, her gaze lowered.
“Those deeper feelings for Hugh, did they come more recently? Since Lawrence died and your friendship deepened?”
“Our friendship deepened before Lawrence’s death, but yes, those feelings came only after my marriage had ended—in theory if not in fact. After Lawrence and I decided to live separate lives.”
“If Hugh had deeper feelings for you when he kissed you, that could have something to do with why he ended his engagement. He realized he wanted more from a lifelong partnership. If you’re worried that he ended his engagementbeforediscovering you’d eloped?” I shrug. “He could have returned to Violet. She’d have taken him back.”
She nods, her gaze down.
“But whatever Hugh felt, you didn’t feel the same at the time. You didn’t choose between two men and pick the wrong one. You believed you were in love with one guy and chose to marry him.” I look her in the eye. “If you think you’ll make the same mistake with Hugh, he’s not Lawrence.”
“I know. But even if Hugh does feel that way about me, he’s impetuous. He could think he wants to be with me and then change his mind.”
“Hewasimpetuous. That’s the young man who offered to marry you so you could study in England. The one who kissed you and begged you not to marry. The one who broke off his engagement. But that isn’t the man who had to deal with the consequences of that breakup—hurting Violet and being disowned by his parents—and still never went back on his decision. The one who is, if I’m right, courting you at the speed of molasses because he knows that’s what you need.”
Her lips twitch. “I am not overly familiar with molasses, but I presume it moves slowly.”
“So slowly. But it’s worth the wait. As Hugh thinks you are.”
Fresh spots of color darken her cheeks.
“Think about it,” I say. “There’s no rush, obviously. But if you have any doubts how Hugh feels? I’ve been here over a year now, and I’ve never seen him look at another woman. How long has it been since he date—courted someone?”
