“My bad. I guess it was just wishful thinking that you wouldn’t want to go with anyone else but me.”
I rolled my eyes upward. “Gavin.”
“I know. I know, Breezy. We’re just cool. You’re locked in and don’t have time for anything serious. I get it. Maybe that’s why I just assumed you didn’t have a lot of prospects lined up. If you’re busy and make time for me, maybe I felt you weren’t making time for other people.”
My lips turned downward into a frown. “Um okay. I guess.”
“So, will you be my date? I’ll buy my ticket right now.”
“Sure.” The chipper tone that I answered him in was fake as hell. I wasn’t sure why his request to be my date annoyed me. But it did.
I understood that Gavin was new in town and didn’t know a lot of people but no matter how many times I tried to explain to him that I wasn’t interested in dating on a serious level, he acted as if he didn’t get it. Locked in meant focused on my goals. It didn’t mean ask me out multiple times a week. There was nothing more frustrating than the man you wanted not applying pressure and the man you didn’t want applying too much pressure. When you didn’t want a man consistency felt like harassment.
“Ticket purchased. So, what color is your dress?”
“I’m still trying to decide between an olive green one and a wine colored one. I’ll know for sure by Friday. I need to make my mind up on the dress, so I can buy shoes and figure out how I want my hair.”
“Bet. As soon as you get it let me know which one you chose. I gotta match your fly.”
“I will be sure to let you know.” My irritation grew, and I concluded that maybe it wasn’t really Gavin. It was everything.
Refusing to let myself grieve my mother. Refusing to sit around and think about how Lucci was doing. I was forcing myself to be numb and strong. Maybe suppressing those feelings was making me moody as hell, but in that moment, I just wanted Gavin to stop talking to me. Gavin made me think about Lucci and Kiandra. How he said he wasn’t in love with her, but he could trust her, and she was good for him. I couldn’t imagine being in a relationship with Gavin and feeling like he wasn’t the love of my life or my soulmate. However, he was a good guy, and he wouldn’t do me wrong, so I chose him. Or settled for him.
It was also frustrating when hints weren’t enough. You kind of hoped that a person would catch a clue that you weren’treally into them and remove themselves from the situation. But I assumed it was common to put blinders on in certain situations. Maybe time apart from her made him realize that he actually did love her. The mere thought of that happening made my chest tight. I became so lost in thoughts of Lucci and Kiandra that Gavin had to ask me a question three times before I comprehended what he was trying to say.
“My bad. I keep getting emails and text messages from clients,” I lied. “Let me respond to everyone and then I’ll call you back.”
I hated being a liar, but I wouldn’t be calling Gavin back. I just needed some time and some space. My mother’s wake and funeral were the following day, and I wasn’t going to either one of them. Certain members of her family had already tried to talk me into going, so I stopped answering phone calls from them. I also refused to respond to text messages. Trying to get me to go somewhere that I already said I didn’t want to be was crazy. I refused to entertain it any longer. They’d get the picture when they showed up and saw I wasn’t there.
After getting off the phone with Gavin, I breathed a sigh of relief. Once the gala was over, I was going to make it a point to spend less time with him. I just wasn’t into it, and I didn’t want him to become attached to me. If I couldn’t have the man that I wanted, I didn’t want anyone. On the way to my car, thoughts of Lucci and the things he did to my body in the bedroom made my clit pulsate.
"Help me, Lord,” I groaned.
The way that man dominated my thoughts were pure insanity. What was even more insane was how my body reacted when I thought of him. I’d never been with a man that I craved the way I desired Lucciano Culver. He was like a drug. It had been way too long since I got a fix, and I was slowly losing it. The man probably wasn’t even capable of sexing me after beingshot, but all I could think about was his masculine moans in my ear while he stroked me savagely. I wanted to stare into his eyes as I rode his thick dick. The friction between my clit and his skin causing an orgasm that rocked my core.
My face flushed as I exited the mall and walked into the parking lot. I had been shopping in an effort to distract myself. Of course, it would take the money from my mother’s life insurance policy some time to be deposited into my account. I didn’t need her money to treat myself. Initially, since buying a house was my goal, I’d been trying hard not to splurge. Hoping that retail therapy would do me some good, I went against the grain and said fuck it. I was going to get the house, so why did it matter if I treated myself or not? Life was too damn short to be frugal all the time anyway. One day, my mother was here seemingly healthy and the next, she was gone. Unexpectedly. Just gone.
Attempting to take my mind off Lucci, I drummed my fingernails on my steering wheel and tried to think about what would make me happy in the moment besides a thick, dark, veiny, dick. “Ice cream. Ice cream will make me happy,” I mumbled.
Starting my car, I put the gear in reverse and started on my way to get a few scoops of temporary happiness. That seemed to be the theme for my happiness these days. Temporary.
CHAPTER 19
LUCCI
A niggatypically wasn’t afraid of anything but walking up in the gala that Breezy’s car club was hosting and looking stupid was one of them. It had been a month since the last time I spoke to her. After days in the hospital, a week and a half shut up in the house like a recluse, and handling business, I felt like a conversation was needed. My mind was rested, and I was off to a good start with the things I had planned for the future. I could have just called her. That was the first thought that entered my mind when I walked into the large space dressed in a tuxedo feeling like a sucka.
At home, I sat in my car for almost twenty minutes contemplating going back inside, taking my clothes off, and just shooting her a text message. The moment I crossed the threshold into the room, a server dressed in a white shirt and black pants greeted me with a smile and offered a glass of champagne from the tray she was holding.
I hadn’t smoked or drank any alcohol since the day I decided to do my detox, but the sobriety streak was going to be cut short. I nodded my head at the server and took a big gulp of champagne. When I surveyed the room and my eyes landed on Kiandra standing in a corner wearing a black gown sippingchampagne, I emptied the rest of my glass. I should have done what the hell I started to do and stayed home. Kiandra didn’t even drink, so the fact that she was drinking champagne, was the first red flag. The second red flag was the fact that she was even there.
Kiandra wasn’t a confrontational person. And even if she didn’t like the fact that I had a past thing with Breezy, it wasn’t Breezy’s fault. So, why crash her event? There was no way she still wanted to be a part of The Hellcat Barbies. Kiandra must have felt my eyes on her because her head lifted and even from across the room, I watched her entire body tense when she realized I was there. We had a brief stare off before she caught a server passing by and switched her empty glass for a full one. Champagne wasn’t going to be enough for me, so I headed to the open bar.
My chest tightened when I thought about the fact that if Tyler was alive, he would have been right by my side. Maino would have been too, if he wasn’t healing from damn near dying. I wasn’t a stranger to loss, and I wanted to believe that if I could survive life without Tyler, I didn’t give a damn about losing anyone else, but that wasn’t true. Life without Breezy didn’t feel right. I had grown accustomed to her infectious smile. That good ass pussy. Her soft voice. As I ambled toward the bar, I saw her. Breezy looked delicious in a body hugging wine colored sequined gown that reached the floor but had a high split on one side. She was standing in front of a nigga that I’d seen in her face one too many times. His shoes matched her dress, and my teeth grinded at the revelation that he might be her date.
There were two bars. One on each side of the room. There were three bartenders working each one. The bar I’d chosen had four people ahead of me, but I wasn’t in a rush. Turning my back on Kiandra, Breezy, and ole boy, I waited patiently for my turn. When the bartender asked me what I wanted, I requested rumand coke. After he handed me the drink, I placed a five in the tip jar. As I sipped my drink, I watched the crowd.
There had to be about seventy people in attendance. The room was large, however, so there was still plenty of space for people to mingle and move around without being cramped. I had never been to a real classy put together event where everyone was dressed up, and ninety-five percent of the people in attendance were black. I always felt that Breezy’s car club was dope but after I got to know her and saw how much they did for the community I gained a newfound respect for them.
