“I can’t tell you what to do, but I have read that red meat isn’t good for gout.” When my aunt’s eyes narrowed to slits, I threw my hands up in surrender. “Your body. Your choice.”
I, however, didn’t have gout, so I scarfed my food down like I hadn’t eaten in years. My aunt liked to sit in the house with themain door open. It was one of those times and from where I was seated on the couch, I could see through the screen door that she had a visitor approaching. My face twisted slightly as my mother opened the door and stepped inside the house.
“Hey sis,” she stated breathlessly like she’d just climbed a mountain. “Hey, Breezy,” her gaze flitted toward me.
“Hi,” I gave her a tight-lipped smile. Suddenly, I was ready to leave.
I didn’t care to answer any questions she had because if she wanted to know about me or keep up with the events that occurred in my life, she could pick up the phone and call. She could visit. She could simply be a mother, but that was a concept that was foreign to her. At my age, if I had to teach her how to be my mother then it was a lost cause. I certainly didn’t care to hear about anything that was going on in her life. I knew all I needed to know about Lia Bryant. She was a deadbeat mother.
“I was in the area because I’m headed to the watermelon lady. She has some yellow watermelons and some pink pineapples. You want me to get you anything?”
“Last time you brought me those cantaloupes from her they were so sweet,” my aunt marveled. “Lord they were the best cantaloupes I ever tasted. I want some of those for sure.”
My mother stated that she was headed to see ‘the watermelon lady’ but she sat down on the couch. My gut twisted. I knew my departure would disappoint my aunt, but I didn’t have the desire to be in the presence of the woman that gave birth to me. Our relationship had been nonexistent pretty much my entire life. I hated the feeling of rejection that made my chest feel heavy every time she came around. The sting of not getting an apology or any kind of affection from her soured my mood every time. Being around her was a trigger for me, and I refused to make myself uncomfortable to appease anyone else. That ‘she’s still your mother’ crap was dead to me. I didn’t care that we weren’tclose. I cared because I couldn’t understand what it was about me that made it difficult to treat me like I was her daughter.
I stood and forced a smile. “I just wanted to check on you and make sure you were okay, Auntie. I’ll see you next week.”
“You leaving already?” the disappointment on her face was clear.
“Yes ma’am. I’ll be back next week. I love you. Bye,” I mumbled in my mother’s direction and walked toward the door feeling as if I was suffocating.
She literally came around and made the air stale. I used to be so jealous of anyone that had a good relationship with their mother while feeling extremely connected to people with mothers that were just as awful as mine. Funny thing was, a lot of people that I knew that had strained relationships with their mothers it was usually because she was on drugs. That wasn’t even my mother’s story. As far as I knew, she didn’t do drugs, and I’d never even seen her drink alcohol. She wasn’t even the man crazy type of woman that always had to have a man around.
I had no clue what the issue was. The only thing I knew for certain was that she simply didn’t want to be my mother. And as bad as it hurt, I still had to try and find a way to be okay with that because she wasn’t worth the heartache.
CHAPTER 5
LUCCI
Leaningagainst the wall in the kitchen I watched Kiandra as she cooked a late breakfast of bacon, eggs, and pancakes. I watched her move around the kitchen dressed in a thick pink robe. The sexiest thing that she ever wore to bed was a pair of green shorts with a matching V neck top. Shorty was pretty, but she didn’t give sexy. Kiandra could barely walk in heels. She was definitely feminine and dainty, but she didn’t have sex appeal. I stared at her, jaws clenched wondering how I would feel if she had died because of me. Because of some dumb shit I did when I was out there wilding and not giving a fuck. No one could pay me to figure out why of all people Kiandra was so enthralled with me. Even after she got shot twice and had to have surgery on her ear, the most out of character thing she did was go a few days barely talking.
She never yelled, blamed me, cursed me out, or threatened to leave me. I wanted a solid female, and I found one. Was my loyalty and money enough n return? Did Kiandra deserve a man that was head over heels for her? Shit, I didn’t even know if it was possible for my heartrate to increase or for my palms to sweat when I was in the presence of my significant other. Being eager to see her. Wanting to fuck her so bad that I couldn’twalk straight. Did real men feel those things, or was that just some shit for females? Because I’d never felt those emotions for Kiandra, and I doubted I ever would.
She glanced over her shoulder at me. “Why are you just standing there watching?” Kiandra giggled. “You hungry?”
“Not really. I haven’t smoked yet. I’m about to roll up right now.” I ignored her first question. “You want to do something when I get back in this evening?”
“Um,” Kiandra used a pair of tongs to remove bacon from the pan. “We can do a movie night here at the house. I’m not really up to going out.”
My head bobbed. “Got you. Just text me and let me know what you want me to bring home. Food, drinks, shit like that.”
“Okay. Food will be ready in a minute.”
I gave a curt nod before turning to walk into the living room. The plan for the day was to hang out on the strip for a bit to kill some time. Then, I was going to dip and come home for movie night with Kiandra. Once she fell asleep, I was going to slide back out and try to catch Rich. I was able to find out where he lived, and I was going to run up in his crib. If worse came to worse and the police began sniffing around my door, Kiandra could say with conviction that I was with her. Tyler insisted on coming with me even though I assured him more than once that I didn’t need any help. Honestly, I had no way of knowing who would be in the house with Rich, but the fact of the matter was that I didn’t care. One of us was going to die. If he thought shit was sweet, he couldn’t have been more wrong.
I wouldn’t even be able to tell Kiandra that the man who shot her was dead. She would freak the hell out. Kiandra was one of those people that believed we shouldn’t take the law into our own hands. It would have made her happy to know that he was in prison for the crime versus me killing him. It didn’t matter whether she knew or not. I would know.
Leaning forward and staring at the floor was how I chose to smoke. My mind had been in a million different places since Kiandra got shot. Which wasn’t a good thing because the real estate class that I was taking wasn’t a joke. I was determined to have the best possible outcome, so I was going to do whatever it took. Once Rich was dead, I’d be able to breathe a little easier. Zoning out more and more as I smoked, I went from thinking about any and everything to thinking about nothing. My mind was completely blank. That was actually how I preferred it to be.
I finished off the blunt and went back into the kitchen where Kiandra already had my plate prepared. “Thank you. This looks good,” I complimented while sitting down at the table.
“You’re welcome.”
She sat down too, and then we spent the first few minutes eating in silence. “When you’re out are you ever afraid that the person who shot me will come for you?” Glancing up, I caught the fear coating her orbs.
I hated lying to Kiandra. In my opinion only fuck niggas went around lying to people, but I’d rather choose a fuck nigga trait for the moment than to make Kiandra aware that I’d once been a foul ass nigga and what I had sown caused her to reap two bullets. Lying may have been the cowardly way out, but I couldn’t tell her.
“Nah, I don’t. I haven’t done anything to anybody and if I did, it was old. I’m not sure why ole boy shot in the car, but the police better get him before I do.” That was my good word.
