Page 12 of Pushed Through The Dark
"That's not an answer." His fingertips slipped down over my shoulders as he dug his thumbs into my shoulder blades. I felt his breath first as he exhaled across the side of my face. To my surprise, it wasn't rancid or vile. It was sweet like icing, causing the hair on my neck to stand up like a feather was tickling my skin.
It was a reaction I didn't want and never expected. I found myself leaning into him, my breathing slowing down to deep, long inhales. My lids fluttered, threatening to close again and enjoy this split second of euphoria.
Pressing his chest against my back, Koa rested his head in the crook of my neck as he held me close. My lips twitched, the muscle memory of a smile, a real smile was tingling at the edges.
Then he spoke again, and I was dropped right back into reality. The tingles instantly disappeared as my lids shot open, and my lips turned down into a heavy frown.
"I know what you're thinking," he said, his voice low and far too pleasant. "I know that you want to run. I know that your brain is trying to figure out what needs to happen; which way to go, where you'll hide, how far you could make it before I catch you. . . Am I right?" His lips brushed the outside of my ear, sending a cold shiver down my spine.
Glancing at the side of his face, I shook my head no.
I lied. I lied knowing what bad men do to girls who don't tell the truth.
I lied knowing Koa was one of those men, and I was one of those girls.
I lied because I didn't know what this man was capable of if he knew the truth. . .
How do grapple with that? How do you decide the right answer to give when you know pain will be the only response?
"You have a voice, use it." His finger swept across the underside of my jaw, softly tracing the curve of my cheek. "I already heard you scream, now I want to hear you speak."
Keeping my mouth shut, I let my eyes connect with his. But I wouldn't speak, not to a man who just bought me like meat from the butcher.
I might not have the power to keep him from hurting me. I might not have the power to stop him from claiming whatever piece of me he wanted to. But I had the power to keep him wondering what was going through my head, I had the power to not give him what he couldn't control.
He would never control my thoughts or my voice. Those were mine. Mine alone to have and to hold. He might own my body, but he'll never own what's inside.
"Fine, stay mute, we can make a game of it." Without warning, Koa wrapped a yellow handkerchief around my eyes, tying it snugly behind my head. "I love games," he said, whispering into my ear.
My heart jumped into my throat as all the light was stripped away, leaving me in pitch-black darkness. A sharp exhale purged my lips, snapping my back straight. Every nerve in my body ignited, sending a wave of heat from head to toe.
Sliding his hand down the center of my back, he grabbed my wrists and held them in one hand. Pulling down on my arms, my shoulders perked higher, my elbows locked up, and every muscle stretched to its limits. I was trapped like a mouse in the claws of a cat.
Wincing as a lightning bolt of pain shot down my arm from the cut Blue gave me, I bit my lip, refusing to let out the scream that bubbled in my throat.
Koa chuckled, a low, thick chuckle as he gave my wrists another hard tug. "I have a feeling this is going to be fun," he said as his large hand engulfed both my wrists like they were tiny twigs.
Nightmares are made of so many different things, but when your nightmare is actually your reality, there's no way to explain what that feels like.
You want to wake up and you can't. You want to grow wings and fly away, but all you have are arms and legs, and nothing to carry you up and away. You have no control.
You're left to the mercy of your nightmare, and its ability to be kind is like a bear being tender to a salmon.
"Walk," he demanded, giving me a little shove forward. "We have a plane to catch."
Cocking my head, I twisted it in the direction of his voice. My lips crinkled, wondering where he was taking me, and what his plan was. Even behind the blindfold, my eyes were open wide, filled with confusion.
I felt the air on my face as Koa gave me another little push and the doors opened to a wall-less world. There were no fences around me, no chains or locks were holding me in. But there was a wall of man still holding me hostage.
"There's a step," he said, gently cupping my elbow.
Slowly, I felt the stone slab with my foot. The icy cold stone sent goosebumps up my calves. Inhaling the fresh air, I felt myself drawing in more and more like I was dehydrated and the air was water.
My lungs filled, drinking it up. I could feel the oxygen as it slipped into my veins like a fucking drug, making me lighter and tingly. I wanted more, I needed more.
Koa walked me down a few more steps, then guided me into the grass out front of the Canary. "Does that feel good?" he asked.
You have no idea.The thought sweeps through my head, but my voice remains silent.
