“There are so many brothers. I don’t know how you keep them allstraight.”
“If they were twins, I’d be in trouble, but they’re different enough that I can tell them apart,” Vicki said. “What are you doing out here? It’s tendegrees.”
“I like the fresh air. We have so much smog in Dallas that it irritates my lungs in the summer,”Abbysaid.
“I went to New York once,” Vicki said. “The place was as close to hell on earth as I’ll ever get. I’m happy living up here amongst the trees where the air is as clean as a mountainspring.”
“What are you doing up so early?” Abbyasked.
“Penance.”
“Forwhat?”
“I’ve made some big mistakes in my life. I’m trying to make things right now, but it’s hard,” Vicki said. “I used to be a drug addict. I’m clean now, but not a day goes by that I don’t strugglewithit.”
Stunned, Abby wasn’t sure whattosay.
“Don’t feel like you have to fill up the air with platitudes,” Vicki said with a half-smile. “I’m done with liars. I only want the honest-to-God truth in my life now. These days, I tell everyone exactly what I think. No point in holding it in. All that does is make a mess ofthings.”
“I know what you mean. I wish I could be more truthful with other people.” Abby wasn’t sure why she was confessing something so personal to a complete stranger. But Vicki sounded like she’d suffered through some terrible things in her life. Abby respected her ability to speakhermind.
“Who do you want to be more truthful with?” Vickiasked.
“Myparents.”
“Parents don’t always know what’s right for us. My daddy used to beat me. He taught me that women were put on this earth to serve men. Can you believe that crap?” Vickiasked.
“I’m sorry. I—I don’t know what to say,” Abbystammered.
“I used to think it was normal. Wasn’t until a few weeks ago that I wised up and realized he was full of shit.” Vicki cast her a sidelong glance. “Your daddy everhityou?”
“No. Notreally.”
“Either he did or he didn’t, which is it?” Vickiasked.
“He never slapped me, not with his hands.”Abbysaid.
“They can slap you with words too,” Vicki said. “It wasn’t just the business end of the belt that got me so messed up in the head. Some ideas are like poison, infecting you from the moment you hear them, lurking in your subconscious until they strike at the worst possiblemoment.”
“I don’t think he consciously intends to do it, but he’s dictated every decision in my life for as long as I can remember. I don’t even know when I gave up control of my destiny to him. Maybe I never had control of it,”Abbysaid.
“He never let youdream.”
“No. And I realize that’s nothing compared to being beaten andabused—”
“We’re not in a contest, so no worries there.” Vicki managed a crooked smile. “Besides, I’d win for sure if we were. But what your daddy did—taking away your ability to dream—if you ask me, that’s just as bad as being beaten withabelt.”
“How so?” Abbyasked.
“I used to be full of dreams. I wanted to be a nurse so I could help people, but I never even finished high school. I would have though, if my daddy hadn’t crushed my dreams when I was a kid. I can pinpoint the moment it happened. I was fourteen years old, getting ready to head out for my first day of high school. I’d swiped some makeup from the gas station and had used it to cover the most recent bruises. I thought everything was going to change for me. I just needed an education and then I’d be able to do anything I set my mind to.” Vicki stared off into space as if reliving thememory.
“What happened?” Abbyasked.
“Daddy was sitting in the living room, drunk as usual. He took one look at me and laughed. He said I was a whore like my mother and wouldn’t amount to shit. I told him I’d never be like her, that I would become a nurse and help people. He threw a shoe at me and told me I’d better learn my place. I didn’t argue with him—by then I knew better. But I remember walking outside that morning… it was like my heart had been sucked out of my chest. I never talked about my dreams again. They all diedthatday.”
“I’m so sorry,”Abbysaid.
“You got nothing to be sorry about. You’re still young. You have your whole life to go. If you still have a dream, even a sliver of one, go out there and do it. If your daddy really loves you, he’llunderstand.”
