Octavius’ frown cleared to thoughtfulness. “She told you about that?”
He shrugged a shoulder. “That's all she said. Not her story to tell.”
The other man leaned back. He studied Castien’s eyes for a few moments, then angled his face at the water. A muscle in his jaw ticked.
Preoccupied with his own thoughts, Castien only noted the silence when a guard’s cough carried through the hall and into the room. His instincts snapped into place. The healer was still staring at the water. Perhaps it had been a callous topic.
He said quietly, “I didn’t realize… Forget I asked.”
A faint, bemused smile twitched on Octavius’ lips when he turned back. “Twenty years ago, following orders from the High-Matriarch of Delia, I led a contingent against Drantar. That same fort Lord Magdus now controls. Anais’ mother, Jana, was there. She was the princess, then.”
Castien blinked. “You’re from Delia. A soldier?”
Come to think of it, he knew very little about Octavius’ past. About most of the Escorts, for that matter.
The healer nodded. “A general. Priest-General of the 3rd Battalion, to be exact. Not a lot of male generals up there. Probably fewer now.”
Frustration overwhelmed curiosity. “That’s different. You were fighting an enemy nation, doing your duty, serving your Goddess. Doing what you believed in. You were in control.”
“I was brainwashed into believing that I was doing what was necessary. My choices, my decisions, my actions were defined by those beliefs. Does that sound familiar?”
“It’s not the same.”
Octavius grunted and rubbed his chin.
Castien scowled. “It’s not. I nearly succeeded. Did you even cross swords with Queen Jana? You didn’t know her. I betrayed Anais.”
“I killed her people. We could argue all day about who wronged her more. What are you going to do about it?”
“What?”
“You think you failed her. So, how are you going to atone? By running away?”
“I…”
Octavius held up a finger. “That was only her mother. Four years ago, I received a message from Delia. From my sister. Sixteen years of silence, then suddenly she was begging for my help. The priestesses had taken her daughter. They were going to sacrifice the child unless my sister provided a better offering to their Goddess. What better sacrifice than a traitor?”
The Escort looked into the water again. “But they didn't want me, not exactly. They wanted me to kill Anais. I was close to her. They held an arrow to the Queen and let it loose. I did what I was told. It's easy for the Queen's personal healer to get her alone.
“In her chambers, I told her to lie on her stomach. She knew something was wrong, but she thought I was worried about her health.” He laughed bitterly. “Sixteen years. I loved her mother, watched Anais grow up. I set her broken bones, wrapped her bleeding wounds, and held her through her rage when Jana wasmurdered. Yet there I was, alone with her on a pretense, holding a knife over her heart.”
The healer was a little pale. At the cottage, when Castien had refused to talk, the other man had spoken about the palace, Anais, the nobles, a few battles he’d been in. Never his family or anything personal before he became an Escort. Castien had never asked.
His immediate response was outrage. He wanted the dagger back in his hand. He wanted to hurt anyone who would dare harm Anais. And a trusted healer, besides?
But Castien’s hands were far from clean. He clenched his fists and spoke around his rage. “You couldn't do it.”
Octavius noted his fists. “Hmm, no. By your own account, neither could you. You were under the trance, and you were commanded to kill her, but you didn't. You had less control than I did, but you still held back.”
His arm flexed. The only thing that had stopped him was her voice. What if that didn’t work next time? “What happened to your sister?”
The Escort continued his story. “Anais hid in the Queen's Wing for a moon. She let the court think she was gravely injured. In that time, she sent spies to retrieve my sister and her daughter. My sister didn't make it. They had just crossed the border, chased by Delian soldiers. She was shot. In the leg, I was told. She refused to slow the escape, so she stayed behind to fight the soldiers. But my niece is alive. She lived in the Queen's Wing for a few years.”
Octavius held up two fingers. “Twice. Two Queens forgave me where both were in their rights to end me. I didn’t know Jana, but I should have trusted Anais. Don’t make the same mistake.”
It would be her mistake, not Castien’s. There was no one else’s life at stake. Only hers. It was only a matter of time beforeshe forgave him. Before he had another wide-open window of opportunity to stab her in the heart.
They talked for a while longer. When Castien rubbed his wet arms, the healer once again urged a change of clothes. After a few minutes of shivering, Octavius shouted for the guards to bring a blanket and clean prisoners’ garb. Castien accepted the blanket.
