“I can’t hear you. Are you all right?”
“No! Mom, how could you?”
“What did I do now?”
“You drop off chicken cutlets for Bobby Bilancia?”
My mother’s voice broke. “He likes them.” She sounded scared. “He used to steal your lunch, and now I head him off at the pass.” She forced a laugh.
“I am done,” I told her. “You hear me? Done!”
It’s time formy Thera-Me appointment. I swipe on some lipstick and open the Zoom.
“Nice to meet you, Dr. Nora.” I prop up the laptop to get a better look at the doctor. She’s around my age.
“I’m up to speed on your file; let’s dive in. How are you coping in your new home?”
“I was pretty good.”
“Until?”
“I have agita. Do you know what that is?”
“A kind of dyspepsia?”
“Can be. I get it when I think of my family, even though I’m not communicating with them. But that might be causing it. I’m guilty because I don’t talk to them. That might be making me sick.”
“Sometimes we have to let go of relationships that do not serve us.”
“You mean put them on the Island?” I sit up.
“I don’t know what you mean.”
“It means I put them away on an imaginary island and don’t communicate with them.”
“That’s exactly what I am suggesting. Sometimes it is best not to engage with the people who know how to hurt us. We have to eliminate them from our lives.”
“I can’t banish them forever. I want to learn how to manage these feelings and be a part of my family.”
“Maybe you need to build your strength first and see where the process takes you.”
“That’s too vague, Doctor. I would like you to give me the tools to make this better.”
“This is up to you,” she replies.
“No, it isn’t. It’s up toyouto tell me how to handlethem. I want to learn to navigate the difficult relationships, not tank them. I want to be able to be in a room with my family and not feel resentment. I want to love them without the anger.”
My phone buzzes on the nightstand.
“I’ve got to go, Dr. Nora.”
“But you have eleven minutes left in our session.”
“Yeah, well, I have the FBI on the other line. Punt my file to the next therapist and we’ll meet up later.”
“To be continued.” Dr. Nora signs off.
I pick up the phone. “Detective Campovilla?”
