The others nod as they swallow hard.
Jace tilts his head to the side. “So, how did you learn about the suppressants you were taking?”
I exhale slowly. “My dad was unwilling to see me in so much pain and gave me the illegal suppressants. Said that a doctor friend of his had them, and they would stop my heats and make me a Beta. He worked hard to be able to afford them for me.”
My voice catches in my throat as the guilt I’ve always felt toward him creeps back in. “My mom was furious. She tried to fight it. Said it was illegal and dangerous. When I told her I wanted to take them and she couldn’t stop me. That I’d find a way. She left and moved out, and they divorced. Turns out she’d been having an affair for years. Me becoming an Omega, and my dad’s willingness to break the law for me was the last straw.”
Jace hisses. “Shit.”
“We’d moved, and I did my junior and senior year of high school online. New town, new school. They thought I was a Beta. I didn’t correct them. I passed when it came to getting my state ID as well. For ten years, it was just my dad and me. Then last year, he passed.” I swallow hard.
Ford runs a hand through his hair. “I’m sorry to hear about his passing.”
I shrug. “Thank you. I think he always wanted me to present as an Alpha, like his dad. When I didn’t, he helped me hide it. He was still proud. He just didn’t want anyone else to know. I always thought I’d be an Alpha. I played like one, trained like one. When I presented as an Omega, it felt like getting benched in life. I ran from it and built a life that only works if I’m not who I am.” I laugh, but it sounds thin.
I press the heel of my palm to my forehead. My eyes burn. “I need to apologize. I knew we were scent-matched that first day. But I couldn’t risk losing everything I’d worked so hard to get. I also didn’t want to lose you. I’d missed you all so much, but I knew you would figure out my secret if I went searching for you. I guess the universe had other plans. I’m sorry I kept it a secret and was selfish.”
I heave a sigh. “The suppressants hadn’t been working well for a while. After we met again, it was like my body started fighting back. It’s been pretty much downhill for the last week and a half. Now we’re here. Again, I’m sorry. I know it doesn’t mean much, and you probably want nothing to do with me.”
Logan licks his lips as his leg bounces harder. “You haven’t lost us.”
I swallow hard. “I lied. There’s no reason for you to stay.”
Ford shakes his head. “You were surviving in the only way you knew how. Seventeen isn’t an age to make life decisions like that, but after doing it for so long, you didn’t see the other options anymore. You were in too deep.”
Wes looks up, piercing me with those amber eyes. “You don’t owe us an apology. You owe yourself grace.”
The tears come fast, stinging the corners of my eyes, but I swallow hard and force them back. I won’t cry. Even though it’s a relief to feel seen.
Jace shifts forward, elbows on his knees again. “You think we haven’t thought about you every damn year since camp? You think we haven’t wondered what happened?”
A smile tugs at his lips. “We may not have presented yet, but some part of us knew that day that we were meant to be together forever. We waited for you. Nothing in this world could make us want to give you up.”
My breath stutters.
Logan also grins. “You’re not alone anymore. You will have us for the rest of our lives.”
I believe him.
I want them to be here so I can touch and hug them. My body warms at the mere idea of getting to do so. I lick my lips. “There’s something else you should know, since I’ll probably go into a full-blown heat for the first time in my life where I’m conscious of it.”
Warmth rises in my cheeks.
Ford tilts his head to the side. “What is it?”
Best to just rip the bandage off. “I’m a full virgin, not just an Alpha-knot one. The suppressants killed my sex drive.”
They all glance at each other, and the silence grows.
My heart pounds.Oh God, is that some kind of deal-breaker for them?
Wes clears his throat. “I can’t speak for everyone, but so am I.”
The others nod, and then Jace laughs. “We all are. Perhaps it’s because we knew you were our scent-match from before we presented. Other omegas just smelled so wrong that the one time we tried to sleep with one, it was a total boner-killer.”
I can’t help but laugh. It’s a relief that they’re also virgins.
For the first time in a while, I have hope. The rest of my life might be imploding, but I have my best friends back, and soon, we’ll be something more.
