My chest caves the second I sit. The pressure’s too great, and I can’t keep it back anymore. I press my palms into my eyes untilstars burst behind them. It doesn’t stop the tears. I curl forward into my knees. I try to keep quiet as I sob.
It’s been two years. It shouldn’t still feel like this; raw and as if he just died.
Branches rustle behind me and I glance over my shoulder. Frankie steps into the clearing. The moon illuminates her curls.
I don’t want her to see me like this.I scrub my face, trying to hide the tears and clear my throat. “Hey. You should be at the movie with the others.”
She doesn’t say anything as she comes over to sit next to me and crosses her legs.
After a beat, she looks over. “I got worried when you weren’t back in twenty. Are you okay?”
She noticed I was gone that long?
I don’t look at her. “I’m fine. I just needed a minute.”
Frankie shifts closer. Her shoulder brushes mine. “You don’t have to lie. I can see you’re not okay, Jace.”
Her words break something in me. My breath comes out hard, and then the tears start again. Not just a few manly tears. Full on ugly crying.
God, she must think I’m so pathetic.
Her arm goes around my shoulders and she pulls me towards her, cradling my head against her shoulder. Her fingers stroke the back of my head.
I cry like I did that first night. When my grandpa and I sat with him in the hospital and I watched him die. I felt hollow after.
She doesn’t pull away.
When it eases, I stay pressed to her collarbone, catching my breath. Her hoodie smells like lake water and camp soap.
“That movie was my dad’s favorite. He died.”
She stills for a moment before her fingers move through the curls at my nape again. “I’m so sorry. I can’t even imagine how hard that must’ve been.”
I swallow hard. “It was two Christmases ago, from cancer.”
“Why didn’t you say anything? You always act like nothing’s wrong.”
I pull back a little. “Because, while I’m here, I pretend he’s still at home in his apartment, and that he’ll be picking me up at the end of camp at the bus stop. I almost believe it if I don’t say it out loud.”
She tucks a curl behind her ear. “I can understand that. Sometimes I feel that way about my grandpa. Like he’s still here and I’ll see him soon. But you don’t have to pretend with us if you need to let it out.”
I turn toward the lake and stare at it and wipe my face again. “I didn’t want to bring the mood down. You guys always seem happy, and I didn’t want to be the one who made everything heavy.”
“You’re not heavy.” She nudges me with her knee. “We’d carry the weight with you.”
Turning back to her, I’m caught off guard by how beautiful she looks in the moonlight. Before my brain can catch up, I lean toward her, my lips brush hers and my stomach drops. That’s not how I wanted this to go. I was going to plan something fun and then kiss her if she wanted to. Now I took the choice from her.
“I’m sorry, Frankie. I should’ve—”
She reaches out and pulls me back to her. Her lips crashing to mine as I turn more toward her. My eyes flutter closed and I try using firmer pressure as I kiss her back. Our heads tilt and her lips part a little. I follow. My hand reaches out to touch her waist as she faces me.
Her hand cups my cheek as the kiss deepens more. A thrill runs up my spine. Her soft lips feel so good, I can’t get enough.
After a bit, she pulls back and presses her forehead to mine. Our eyes open. “Never apologize for kissing me, Jace. You have nothing to be sorry about.”
How did I get so lucky to have someone like her in my life? Hell, like any of them. My mom is too busy running her business to care about me, so they’ve become like my family now that Dad is gone.
I stare at her. There’s so much I want to say. I’m in love with her, but I don’t want to scare her off by voicing that. Instead, I lean in to kiss her again. Maybe she’ll be able to feel my love for her that way.
