More likely than not, it had something to do with her ex, and it made him despise the asshole even more than he already did.
Liz returned with their drinks and set them on the table. “Anything else I can get you? Napkins, pretzels…a shovel and some tarps for disposing the body?”
Fiona laughed, and it softened some of the tension around her eyes. “Thanks, but I think we’re good.”
“If you change your mind, you know where to find me.” Liz winked. With a flip of the bar towel over her shoulder, she headed for the table with the hockey fans, leaving them to resume their conversation.
Pinto leaned back in his chair and sampled his chocolate stout, the subtle bitter taste perfectly balanced with just the right amount of creaminess. Odds were Fiona would turn him down flat, but he had to give it a try. “I think we’re in a unique position to help each other out.”
She raised one eyebrow. “How so?”
Here goes nothing.After one last mental crack of his knuckles, Pinto launched into the pitch he’d whipped up during the drive to the bar. “My mother’s coming down from New Jersey next week. She’s a worrier; it’s in her blood. She loves her kids, and she wants what she thinks is best for them, but that doesn’t always track with what we want for ourselves. In my case, she wants me to settle down and start giving her grandkids as soon as possible, and that ain’t happening anytime soon because…well, I’ve got my reasons. It’s a constant source of conflict between us, and this visit would be a lot less stressful if she was under the impression that I’m in a relationship with a nice, stable woman who might eventually give her what she wants. I was hoping you could help me with that.”
A pair of lines appeared in the space between Fiona’s eyebrows, making it clear that his pitch sounded better in his head than it did coming out of his mouth.
“You want me to lie to your mother?” She said it with the same level of disdain as if he’d asked her to drown a litter of puppies.
“Only once or twice.” He threw some extra confidence into his voice in the hopes of assuring her that it wasn’t a big deal. As far as he was concerned, it wasn’t. The little white lie would go a long way toward easing his mother’s worries. And really, she had nothing to worry about. He was healthy, happy, and enjoyed his life exactly the way it was. Why screw it up with unwieldy entanglements?
“My mother’s convinced that if I don’t get married soon, I’m going to die alone and unloved, probably on the couch with a beer in one hand and the remote control in the other. I’m thinking we could do lunch—maybe dinner; whichever works better for you—and then I can tell her that you’re busy with work or something for the rest of the time she’s in town. You’d be doing us both a big favor. With that bone of contention out of the way, we’d be able to relax and enjoy some quality family time together.”
The ice in Fiona’s eyes thawed a fraction. It gave him a glimmer of hope.
She sipped her pilsner and set the glass on the table. “And what would I get out of this arrangement?”
“Protection against your ex. Whenever that clown shows up, day or night, you give me a call and I’ll come play the role of your knuckle-dragging, over-protective boyfriend. I’ll hang around until he crawls back to whatever rock he lives under.”
Fiona went quiet for a few long moments. To her credit, she had a great poker face; her expression gave absolutely no indication of which way she was leaning. “I have to admit your offer holds a certain appeal, but I don’t know if it’ll work.”
“It’s worth a shot, isn’t it? Wouldn’t you feel safer with a big, strong guy at your beck and call?” He waggled his eyebrows, and the hint of a smile creased her lips before her expression shuttered again.
She folded her arms across her chest. Her head tilted a little to one side. “Is this some weird angle to…you know…”
“Get into your pants?” Her suspicions didn’t offend him in the least. To the contrary, he didn’t blame her one bit for questioning his motives. There were way too many lowlifes out there just waiting for a chance to prey on unsuspecting women, and they made it so much harder for normal guys like him to get laid. “Look, sweetheart, I’m not gonna lie. You’re gorgeous. I’d have to be dead not to notice. But I’m not in the market for a woman right now, and even if I was, I know easier ways to get one.”
“Um, thanks. I guess.” She sipped her beer and set the glass back on the table. Something shifted in the depths of her eyes, but he had no idea what it meant. “If we do this—and I’m not saying we are—what are you planning to tell your mother after she leaves? Are you going to keep lying to her about being in a relationship?”
It was a fair question, one he’d already considered. “Sooner or later, I’ll tell her that things didn’t work out between us. Don’t worry; I won’t make you the bad guy in the breakup. She’ll assume I’m the asshole anyway.”
“Why’s that?”
He flashed an unrepentant grin. If they went through with this, she’d eventually hear all about his turbulent teenage years, so he might as well disclose it now and get it out of the way. “I was a rotten kid, always getting into trouble. Ma says I’m the reason she went gray at an early age.”
Eyes narrowed, Fiona studied him as though she were trying to solve some great mystery of life. “You don’t seem rotten now. What changed?”
“I grew up,” he said simply. The real answer was a bit more complex, but it would do for now. “After high school I joined the Navy, and the military has a way of filing off the rough edges. If you want, I can give you a list of references so you can verify that I’m not a serial killer or anything.”
“I don’t think that’s necessary.” Still, the serious look on her face indicated she wasn’t quite sold on the idea. “What if we get caught?”
“We won’t.”
“You can’t guarantee that.”
“Nothing in life is guaranteed. But I do know this: if you don’t do anything, your ex will continue to make your life suck. Is that what you want?”
She frowned. “Of course not.”
“Then why not take a chance at making your life better? Be my fake girlfriend for a week. In return, I’ll be your fake boyfriend for however long it takes to get rid of that jerkoff cop.”
