“Are there any other questions or concerns?” Austin asked, and when the question was met by silence, he turned to Nina, concern clear in his eyes. “I’m not going to let him get anywhere near you. That’s a promise. But if you don’t feel comfortable with any of this, just say the word and we’ll find another way.”
“I appreciate the offer, but I want to do this. I want my damn life back.” Nina reached for his hand, gave it a squeeze, and then twisted around in her seat so she faced the rest of the men and women in the room. “Thank you all. For everything. You have no idea how much this means to me.”
“No need to thank us,” Jackson said. “It’s what family does, right?”
“You can repay us by letting us know what you really think of that mess on your husband’s face,” Nate said, and the room dissolved into laughter.
Austin flipped him off, though he didn’t look mad, and the laughter got louder before it finally faded. “All right, that’s a wrap. Go home, get some rest. Tomorrow’s going to be a long day.”
After dinner, Essie andJackson curled up on the couch to watch a movie where Keanu Reeves’s character plowed through bad guys like a machete through overgrown brush. The movie was ridiculous, over the top, and exactly what they needed to relax after a long, stressful day.
“I thought Navarre liked this movie,” Essie said as she scooped a handful of popcorn from the bowl.
“He does, but he likes to spend some time on his own the night before a big mission.”
“I’ve known a few people like that.” Every covert operative understood the importance of having the right frame of mind going into an op. Over time, some developed a unique set of rituals, like going for a run or listening to music, while others like Navarre preferred time alone to mentally prepare. Whatever the method, it provided a slice of routine in a world of uncertainty.
Jackson set the bowl on the coffee table and settled back against the couch cushions. He stretched one arm across her shoulders, and she instinctively nestled against him. “I hope everything works out tomorrow.”
“It will.”
“How can you be so sure?”
She shrugged. “I’m not, but it’s pointless to stress over something that may or may not happen at some undetermined point in the future.”
For a moment or two, he stared down at her, an incredulous expression on his face. “How do you do that?”
“Do what?”
“Your nerves; it’s like you’ve got a kill switch for your adrenaline. No matter how shitty the situation gets, with bullets flying or buildings exploding, you just cut it all off and keep on going as if you’re some sort of Terminator. I’ve always been envious of your ability to keep so calm under pressure.”
“I guess it just came with training and experience.” She twisted her neck to look up at him and felt a familiar hum in her blood that only he inspired. “I’ve never seen you get nervous before an op.”
Jackson chuffed out a breath. “That’s just on the outside. Guys are conditioned at an early age not to show signs of weakness. But inside, my guts are churning like I ate a plate of bad oysters.”
“That’s normal. You’re an optimist, but you worry about things going wrong.”
“You say that like it’s a bad thing.”
“That’s not what I meant. I’m sorry if it came out that way. Honestly, there are times I wish I shared your world view.” As a spy, she’d learned to live with the fact there would always be monsters who wanted to watch the world burn. It was up to people like her, and Jackson, and even Navarre, to make sure they failed.
Jackson picked up his beer, took a long drink, and set the bottle back on the table. “I suppose my nerves are worse than usual because I have a personal connection with the target.”
“Right there with you. Don’t look at me like that,” she added when surprise widened his eyes. “I’ve tried to keep things on a professional level, but Nina’s grown on me. She’s a good person—not at all what I expected from a Russian mafia princess. She doesn’t deserve what’s happening to her, and I really want her to be able to live a normal life.”
“I get the feeling there’s more to that sentence. But…?” Impatience strained his voice as he gestured with his hand for her to continue.
Essie’s breath came out in a sigh. “I learned a long time ago that things don’t always work out the way we want, regardless of how hard we fight to make them happen. It sucks and I hate it, but that’s the cold, hard reality. Getting nervous about it screws with my head, so I learned to block it all out until the op is finished.”
He snorted. “Easier said than done.”
A smile tugged at her lips. For the life of her, she had no idea what she’d done to deserve this man. Giving in to the urge, she craned her neck to kiss him, and she lost herself in the sensuous slide of lips and tongue. Her hand skimmed down his chest, over his rock-hard abs, and found him already hard beneath the fly of his jeans.
Shifting position, she straddled his legs and settled on his lap. Time to start a new ritual. “Why don’t we burn off some excess energy so we can both get a good night’s rest?”
The wolfish smile he gave made her tingle in all the right places. He picked up the remote and switched off the TV. “Works for me. But let’s take it to the bedroom, just in case Navarre comes out for a snack.”
Chapter 20
