JJ chokes on his pad thai. Roma thumps him on the back a few times, her face blank and disconcerted. Cassius is slack-jawed with surprise, Esmeralda looks maniacally thrilled?—
Only the tiniest of the demons—JJ and Cassius’s adopted daughter, apparently—seems unfazed. “Hi!” she says brightly, waving at Chester. “I’m Desi!”
“Hi, Desi,” Chester says faintly, and he awkwardly waves at the rest of the table, too. “Hey.”
Cassius gets over his shock the quickest. “Hey, man,” he says, reaching forward to shake Chester’s hand. “It’s really nice to meet you.”
“Really nice to become aware of your existence at all,Obadiah,”Esmeralda adds reproachfully, shooting Obie a sour look.
Obie sputters inelegantly. “We only met a month ago, Ez! We’ve barely been dating for two weeks!”
JJ pushes himself to his feet next, reaching towards Chester with an easy smile. “Hey, Kyle. I’m JJ. Obie told us he was bringing someone, but we weren’t sure what you’d want to eat, so we just ordered a vegetarian cachapa. Is that okay?”
Chester’s heart hurts. JJ is as kindhearted and friendly as ever, always the person who’s ready to welcome a newcomer and make sure they’re taken care of. “A vegetarian cachapa is perfect,” he says quietly. “Thanks, JJ.”
“No problem.”
“And I’m Roma,” Roma finishes, shaking Chester’s hand firmly. “I’m glad we can finally make this a triple date. Obie’s always been the odd one out.”
“I wasn’t the odd one out!” Obie protests. “I was happily single,thank you very much.” He tweaks Chester’s cheek affectionately. “Until I met my perfect himbo over here.”
This time, Cassius is the one who chokes on his cachapa. Chester’s urge to commit deicide is rising higher with each passing second. “I think you need to work on your pet names, Obie,” he says pointedly, forcing a smile and vowing to make Obie’s life as miserable as possible from now on. “Maybe your friends can give you some advice about that?”
Obie raises his eyebrows innocently. “But you usually love my pet names, puppy.”
You can’t murder him while you’re spellbound. You can’t murder him while you’re spellbound. You can’t—“You have your moments,” Chester says vaguely, and he clears his throat, trying to ignore how much Obie’s dismissive insult really does sound like a term of endearment. “Anyway, you—you mentioned that you thought I’d get along with JJ and Roma? So I guess I’ll sit over here with them.”
“Of course,” Obie says, and to Chester’s horror, he plants a kiss on Chester’s cheek. “You can have your own human bonding group.”
Chester resists the urge to wipe his cheek like a five-year-old. “Right,” he says, carefully extricating himself from Obie’s arm to defiantly sit right across from JJ and Roma—a move that unfortunately puts him quite close to Desi, but that’s better than being too close to Cassius and Esmeralda.
And Esmeralda, for her part, still looks intrigued by this entire situation. “I have to say, I’m surprised,” she says, considering Chester with a critical eye as Obie sits down on the bench seat next to him. “Obie has always been obstinate in his perpetual singleness. You must be pretty special, Kyle.”
“I bowl a lot better than he does,” Chester says—which might be a bald-faced lie, but it’s still satisfying to get a dig in. “Apparently, that’s a turn-on for him.”
Esmeralda and Cassius both burst out laughing. Obie looks indignant. “What? I’m allowed to judge a man by the strength of his bowling throw!” he argues, subtly kicking Chester’s shin under the table. Somehow, he manages to make it hard enough to sting but light enough that the binding spell doesn’t stop him, and Chester fights back a wince. “Plus, I wanted a human boy toy, too. It seemed to work out pretty well for the rest of you.”
“Um, excuseyou,” Esmeralda says, gesturing imperiously at Roma, “but I willnotstand for this girl toy erasure.”
“Why am I dating you again?” Roma asks bluntly.
“Because I seduced you with my spellcasting knowledge and general belligerence.”
Roma rolls her eyes, but she doesn’t deny it. Much as Chester hates to admit it, she’s always been at her best when she has someone she can argue with, someone she can view as an equal, someone who spurs her to greater heights?—
But why did that person have to be Esmeralda Laguerre? Why did Roma have to abandon him and Bryant for ademon?
Her and JJ both?
Suddenly, Desi grabs one of Chester’s hands with both of her little ones. Chester starts with surprise, turning to face her. “Mr. Kyle,” she says seriously, “are you my new uncle now?”
“I—” Is she asking if Chester and Obie aremarried?This entire hangout is a trash fire. “Maybe?”
Desi’s eyes brighten. “Yay!” she says cheerfully, and she sets about stepping onto Chester’s lap and trying to climb onto his shoulders. “Uncle Kyle!”
“Desi—!”JJ reaches across the table to grab her, looking mortified. “Sorry—we’re still trying to teach her about, like, boundaries and asking for permission and all that. Desi, sweetie, youcan’tjust climb on every person you meet, that’s not?—”
“It’s okay,” Chester hears himself say, wrapping his fingers around Desi’s ankles as she gleefully takes her place on his shoulders. “I had younger brothers. I’ve got this.”
