Page 93 of #Awestruck
He rubbed the back of his neck.
I rushed on, wanting to get all the words out. “When it comes to my job, I’m all about risky moves. But in my personal life? Not really. My mom thinks it goes back to that high school stuff. That I’m afraid to be unguarded and trust people.” I looked down at my hands. “And I should have trusted in us. In what we had. I knew for a long time that things were ruined at work because I chose you over them. I should have quit weeks before I did.”
“You quit?” he asked, and the sound of his voice pierced me like an arrow.
“Yes. I know, too little too late. And Brenda offered me the world if I would sign the release form. I walked out instead.”
His body shifted toward me, his gaze trained on my face, and I tried not to read too much into it. “I wish you’d told me in the beginning.”
“If I’d told you, then what? We would have had a good laugh and moved on?” I let out a sigh. There I was, doing it again. Rationalizing my stupidity. “Sorry. You’re right. I should have been honest with you. I shouldn’t have taken that choice from you. I should have been up-front and let you decide for yourself whether or not you wanted to be with me. I was just scared of the consequences. I’m sorry.”
“Ashton ...”
I heard the regret in his voice. Not that I had expected anything from him, but there was a tone of finality that made me want to start crying.
“I know there’s no excuse for what happened. No apology that I can offer that makes things better. Only that I promise to never do it again. I don’t mean to be presumptuous. If you never want to see me again, I understand. It will kill me, but I get it.”
I cleared my throat, blinking hard before continuing. “My feelings for you haven’t changed. I love you. Always have, and I always will. So if you ever think you’d be able to trust me again, I’ll be here.”
I was moments away from bursting into sobs. And that wasn’t what this was about. I wasn’t going to cry on his shoulder and feel sorry for myself. I had to go. I opened the car door and got out, taking him in one last time, not knowing if this would be the last time I’d see him in person. “And I’ll be waiting.”
Walking away from his car was one of the hardest things I’d ever had to do. But since I hadn’t let him make a choice about us in the first place, I was going to give that to him now.
He didn’t contact me. Which seemed to be his answer to my offer. I held out hope since he didn’t say anything to the media about our relationship ending, but I had to admit it was over. I needed to move on as best as I could with my life. I reached out to all the people in my social media network, telling them I was looking for a job with a sports station. I had accepted the fact that I’d probably have to move away from my family, but I was okay with it. Obviously I would miss them, but maybe it would be better for me to start over in a new city, where I wouldn’t be plagued by memories of Evan.
My online plea for help seemed to have worked, as a couple of weeks after talking to Evan in his car, I got a phone call. “Hello?”
“Hi. I’m looking for Ashton Bailey.”
“This is her.” I expected it to be a collections agent. I’d had a bit of an issue staying current with things like my credit card bills. I probably could have gone to my parents for financial help, but I needed to retain some dignity.
“Hi, my name is Marian Monson. I’m the human resources director for KPRD.”
“Excuse me?”
“I’m calling because your name was recommended to me. Our news and sports director is looking for an assistant, and I think you’d be excellent.” She mentioned the salary, which was more than I’d ever hoped to make with my first real paying job and even included benefits. She didn’t have to sell me, though; I was in. “Would you mind coming in for an interview tomorrow?”
“Yes, I’d love to! Yes!”
“Great.” She laughed. “How’s eleven o’clock?”
“Perfect!”
She promised to send me an email with the address and parking information for their building.
An actual job interview! I couldn’t believe it.
“I’m looking forward to it, Ashton.”
“Me too. And wait, before you go, can I ask you a question?”
“Absolutely. That’s what I’m here for.”
“Who recommended me for the job?” I wanted to know who to thank. There were a lot of possibilities. Maybe it had been Nia. Or Scooter Buxton.
“It was Evan Dawson.”
For a second I couldn’t breathe. Evan had recommended me? I thanked her, and we hung up, allowing me to have a full freak-out.
