I head in their direction, but the path is clogged with people. I apologize and try to make my way in between bodies, keeping my eye on that little bitch and on Zoe, who looks like she’s been turned to stone by Medusa. My sweet girl. I’d face all my teenage bullies again if it meant she didn’t have to experience any of it.
It’s as if the universe hears me, because the next thing I see is the little girl—Amelia, I assume—reaching out to a woman who’s none other than Ashleigh fucking Wright. One of the girls who made my life a living hell for years. My insides physically revolt at the sight of her. But when I see her and Amelia throw Zoe a fake, sickeningly sweet smile, I know I can’t keep quiet. Cold sweat gathers at my nape, but I still push through.
“Where are you going?” I hear Eli behind me, but I don’t stop.
“Hey!” I call out once, then another time, until Ashleigh turns.
“Oh. Cassie, right?” she says with another one of her shit-eating smiles, as if she never bothered learning my name. I know it’s fake. She would write it on the bathroom stalls all the time, always followed by some trashy take on me.
“Haven’t changed one bit, have you?”
She continues smiling while her daughter sees another friend and leaves us.
“You know, being a mean girl in high school is one thing, I guess. Your prefrontal cortex is not yet fully developed and all that stuff. Still being one at twenty-eight, though, is pretty fucking embarrassing. But encouraging your child to be one to another kid? That’s straight up pathetic.”
Her smile has slowly slipped away, her powdered face now white under the bright neons of the community room.
“Grow up, Ashleigh.”
I turn to find Zoe, but stop and throw over my shoulder, “Oh, and one more thing.”
She’s still standing there, looking like she wants to stomp her foot.
“If I hear your kid keeps bullying Zoe? I’ll use that reputation you loved to throw in my face, and Iwillfuck you up.”
Then, I leave, not even bothering to look back. Based on the weak sound Ashleigh just let out, I doubt Amelia will remain a problem. But if she does? I won’t hesitate to come back and keep my promise.
“What was that?” Eli asks when I reach him and Zoe.
“Nothing,” I say, smiling, then lean forward and hug Zoe as tight as I can, hoping it conveys how much love I hold for her. “You were wonderful out there.”
The gummy worm snake plant is indeed a hit. Thankfully, it gets her smiling all the way home.
When I step out onto the patio, a heavy darkness surrounding the house, I can’t find Eli, and for a moment, I have the fleeting thought that he left before we could say goodbye. Maybe he’d rather avoid it, so he got away while I was inside. But then I see the shape of him lying on his back on the lawn, arms behind his head, and I think,of course he didn’t leave. He isn’t me.
After we came back from the recital, Liz came over to see Zoe. She was at the recital, too, and when she gushed about her performance, Zoeblushed. It was the sweetest thing. While Eli still wasn’t the chattiest with Liz, he did give her the time and space she needed with Zoe. And then, when it was Zoe’s time for bed, she asked Liz to come up and do story time. I knew I couldn’t handle an official goodbye with Zoe, so I walked over to her and gave her forehead a long kiss, then went into the shower while Liz and Zoe walked upstairs, and Eli snuck outside.
I walk over to where he’s lying down and sit cross-legged. He doesn’t move, eyes lost in the sky. The breeze is heavy tonight, whipping my hair across my face as water thrashes across the cliffs.As much as I love the ocean during the day, there’s nothing quite like it at night. Some people might see this infinite blackness as scary, but to me, looking out and feeling all alone in the world was always a comfort. With all the outside lights from the house turned off, it’s so dark, I can barely see anything save for the faint glow of the Cape Neddick lighthouse miles away.
Silence stretches between Eli and me, the emptiness filled by the splashes and rumbles of the waves. It’s as if neither one of us wants to speak first, like now that we’re together again and with so few hours left, we don’t know where to start. What can you say when the way you feel is beyond words?
But then, his little finger moves to the side of my thigh, and I exhale.
“What are you doing out here?” I finally ask.
“It’s the beginning of the Perseids tonight.”
The last time we watched them together, although I didn’t know it yet, I was about to leave. I hate the irony. Still, when he wraps his arm around me, and I lay my head against his chest, I settle into the moment.
“Is now the time you finally tell me all about space?” I ask.
“Still only know the saucepans. Sorry.”
“It’s okay. You have other talents.”
“Yeah? Like what?”
He’s smirking now, and the lightness feels good compared to the distance he was exuding when I came outside.
