Chapter 33
The sky is a canvas of pinks and purples above the Atlantic a week later when Keira comes over for dinner. Inside, Eli is putting Zoe to bed while Xavier is already asleep on the couch. Keira and I are sitting on the back porch, a glass of wine in hand.
“God, I’m never getting pregnant and missing out on this again.”
“Did you always want to stop at two?” I ask. By the cliffside, a flock of seagulls screech, the sounds lightly drowned out by the waves crashing.
She shrugs as she takes another sip. “Honestly, even if I didn’t, the shitshow with Rob has just put a permanent end to everything.”
“Has he been coming over?” While I’ve been around a lot to help this past week, I tried to stay away from the Rob subject in case she preferred not to talk about it, but since she brought it up…
“Twice. He wants more, but I can’t stand seeing him.” She starts pulling her short hair up in a bun. “And with the hormones? I never know if I’m about to start bawling my eyes out or kill him.”
“I’m so sorry.” There’s nothing else I can say about the situation. It’s plain shitty.
“He also told me he wants us to work on this.”
“Will you?”
She shakes her head. “I don’t believe in second chances.”
I take a long drink.
“What about you?” she asks.
“Me?”
She gestures her chin in the direction of the house, now illuminated by the patio lights. “How are things with him?”
My face warms. Even though she knows we’re…something, I’m not sure how much to tell her. I still feel like she might jump at me for making a move when she specifically warned me not to.
“Good.” I swallow roughly. “It wasn’t planned, you know.”
She leans back in her Adirondack chair. “Doesn’t matter. It was always going to happen. You two are like Velcro or something. Inevitable.”
Even with the nerves of what she’s going to say about us, something unfurls in my chest.
“So why did you warn me to stay away?” I ask.
“I truly didn’t want either of you to get hurt.” Her lips quirk up. “I had to give it a try.”
“Sorry we failed.”
“He’s happy. I can see it.” She finishes her wine, looking at the patio door as if he’s about to appear. “And you look happy, too. Just be careful with his heart.”
I don’t want to talk about the fact that if I leave, I don’t know how either of our hearts will come out unscathed. I’m completely lost on that part. The more days I spend in Eli’s bed, eating breakfastwith him and Zoe, brushing our teeth together, falling asleep with our bodies tangled, I can’t imagine walking away from it. I’ve thought about the hospital where Keira delivered again. Wondered if a change in scenery might be what I need. Things have changed around here. Maybe it’s time I face it. But I’m too confused to dare bring it up with her, so instead, I say, “I’m really glad he had you these past years.”
“I’m glad I had him, too.” She stands. “I’ll go see if Billie’s awake.” Just when she reaches the door, she turns and says, “You’ve got a gem on your hands. And he’s lucky to have you, too.”
I am melting.
Little Billie sleeping in her puppies onesie? Heart-shattering. But her sleeping while tucked in Eli’s neck, his long fingers covering her entire back and head as he holds her close? Actually criminal. I haven’t been able to look elsewhere. I thought photos of him with baby Zoe was enough, but they didn’t do this glorious scene any justice. Every time he brushes his thumb against her little ear or looks down to make sure she’s still sleeping, I want to throw my head back and groan.
“I feel like your turn is longer than mine,” I say from my end of the couch. Maybe I can end this night unscathed if I stop watching him like this.
“Sucks to be you, then,” he says with a wink. “I’m giving this baby back over my dead body.”
“That’s selfish.”
