“I’m so proud of you,” I say on a sigh.
“Might regret it tomorrow, but nothing could’ve dragged me from here.” With his now free hand, he pulls my shorts down to see the mess he’s making of me. “Not with how long I’ve wanted to do this.”
“Trust me,” I pant, moving against his hand so I can get more pressure, more movement, more, more, more. “I win in that category.”
He chuckles like I’m actually being funny. “No, you don’t.”
“I swear I do.”
He circles faster against my middle, making my breath hitch. “Summer of grade 10? I was fifteen, you were fourteen, and I spent the entire time convincing myself I was only rubbing one out thinking of you because you were my friend.”
Even through the fog of pleasure, I laugh. How could he even believe fourteen was the earliest I could’ve wanted him? I leave a kiss between his ear and his jaw that brings a curse out of his lips. “Christmas of grade 7. Wasn’t thinking of sex, but still knew I wanted you.” My parents had gone out on December 24th to dance at some bar in Portland, and Keira had gone to sleep over at her boyfriend’s. I’d messaged Eli on MySpace and without me asking, he and Mr. Grant had showed up at my doorstep fifteen minutes later. I had dinner with their family, and after filling ourselves with stuffing and turkey, Eli and I went to his bedroom. We lay on the floor while listening to Coldplay’s new album. I remember turning to him, the boy with bright-blue braces who’d made sure I wouldn’t spend Christmas Eve alone, and thought myheart couldn’t fit in my chest anymore. I’d had a crush before, but that was the moment I fell in love with him.
Eli’s movements stop as he stares at me, the same way he did that Christmas night, with so much emotion in those brown eyes, and then he’s kissing me again, even harder this time. I pull off his shirt a second time, the feel of his skin heavenly against mine. I feel my orgasm building from the way he’s touching me, but as I chase it, I realize there’s something I forgot to mention before coming in here and deciding to use my body as bait.
“I need to tell you something.”
He pauses, a worried notch forming between his brows. “Everything okay?”
“Yes, I just…” This makes me feel so much more exposed than before. “I get pain, sometimes, with sex.” Another sphere of my life endo has sunk its claws into.
“Okay.”
“Okay?”
“Yes, okay.” He goes to kiss me again.
I stop him with a hand on his chest. “You know that means penetration can be impossible sometimes?”
“Yes, I got that, Cass.” He rubs a spot where he kissed me hard on my collarbone before, probably having left a hickey. “I’m not some dumb teenager who needs to fuck. There’re so many more ways to have sex.”
I don’t think I’ve ever heard such sexy words.
He seems to notice the effect he has on me because he grins, then licks his lips. “You want an example?”
And then, he’s lowering himself, farther and farther until his tongue gives my middle a long, hard stroke. I don’t recognize the sound that comes out of me, and even less as he continues kissing and licking like he’s starving, and I can’t do anything but shake and moan.
“You taste just like I’d dreamed you would,” he says, lips gleaming in the dim light before returning to my core. My thighs tighten around his face, pleasure cresting once more, but I don’t want this to be over yet. I pull away, just long enough to flip him onto his back and straddle him facing away. Then, I pull his pants down just enough to expose his hard length. And just as I lean back down on him, I also wrap my lips against his length.
He quakes under me, his breaths sharp against my core.
“You okay up there?” I tease. “Pretty silent.”
“I feel like you’re actively trying to kill me tonight.”
“Is it working?”
“Fuck, yeah, it is,” he says before bringing his lips to me once more. I’m almost there already, shaking as I lick him from base to top. His musky taste and the way his grip on my ass tightens with every stroke of my tongue only makes everything more intense. He laps at me at the same rhythm I move against him, slow, then fast, adding one hand at his base.
“Shit, I’m close,” he says, breathless.
“Me too.” I’m barely able to continue my movements with the orgasm that’s building. I become sloppy and he does, too—sharp, rough licks and sucks that end with me orgasming so hard, I gasp against his length.
Eli curses once more, his movements jerky in my mouth, and then he’s pulling out and coming over our chests in long, hot spurts. Chest heaving, I let my body fall forward, not caring about the mess, too exhausted to hold myself up. He doesn’t seem to care either, and we remain there for a long while as we catch our breath, his hand mindlessly rubbing my calf.
When I finally get myself to stand, it’s only to cuddle closer to him. We’ll clean off later.
He takes me in his arms and kisses the top of my head.
