I hand him another plate and look down at the soapy water. “I mostly missed the little things. I remember when I finally got the money to buy a TV, and I landed on SNL while scrolling the channels. I almost returned it to the store. I didn’t want to watch it on my own.”
I don’t like bringing up my leaving. It’s almost like if I don’t mention it, I can pretend I didn’t hurt him. However, this time, it slips out before I can hold it in. I clear my throat. “It’s funny, because thinking back, we definitely didn’t get the jokes half the time.”
“Yeah, we did.” His voice is strained, but he still grins.
“Don’t overestimate yourself, Grant.” I hold out a bowl, which he grabs with a shake of his head.
We used to watch the show religiously on Saturday nights, and while we had to beg Mr. Grant to allow us to watch the “grown-up show” with him for the first time as kids, it eventually became Eli’s and my tradition. Mostly, it was my excuse to spend more time with him.
I always felt embarrassed by how much I wanted him, and for how long. He might have returned my affection during my last days here, but I’d spent years pining over him before that happened. How many times did I blow out birthday candles whilepicturing what it would feel like to have him look at me the way I did him?
“I would always fall asleep before the end of the night,” I say, putting a glass in the cupboard behind him.
“I was never great at flirting, huh?”
My breath catches as I pull back, so close to his face, I can see all the tiny freckles dotting his nose, his cheekbones, even around the scar on his forehead. It’s the first time one of us has mentioned what happened between us before I left, a tiny crack in the ice that leaves me immobile, not wanting to fall through. However, he risked himself first, so I offer, “I didn’t think youwereflirting.”
“I definitely was.”
A long moment passes before I say, “I wish I’d known.” I wouldn’t have waited until the very last minute before getting with him. To know we could’ve had longer…
He inhales deeply, bringing our chests even closer. I should move away. I need to move away. But those amber eyes are on me, and I’ve never been able to look away first.
He wets his lips, and just as I follow the movement, hearing my pulse in my ears, his phone vibrates on the counter. We both jump, as if we were caught doing something wrong. He grabs it.
“It’s Zoe,” he says, typing something back.
“Who’s with her?”
“Charlie.” His sister’s a medical student, which means she probably has other stuff to do besides babysitting right now. “Zoe asked her to tell me that she won’t fall asleep until I show up andread her a story.” He sighs, then laughs. “I might have overdone it by teaching her to always go after what she wants.”
I lightly shove his shoulder. “Go.”
I’ve never seen someone looking so torn. “But—”
“Go. I’ll be fine.” I give him my best smile. “The worst has passed,” I say, probably lying, but there’s no way he’ll leave if I don’t.
“We need to work on that deal of ours,” he says, but he’s also grabbing his things, so I guess I won.
“Another time.” I accompany him out front. “Thank you again.”
He nods, then pulls out something from his pocket. “Oh, I forgot to give you this.”
A pack of sour gummy worms.
I take it, trying not to focus on the fact that he remembered.
“Thanks.”
He opens the door but doesn’t walk away. “You will call me if you need something.” Not a question, but an order.
“I will.”
“Good,” he says once more in that husky voice, and damn if I won’t be touching myself to that word for years to come.
Chapter 18
After an awful night, the pain the next morning is back to a tolerable level. I might not be ready to run a marathon anytime soon, but at least I’ve been able to eat, shower, and feel like a regular human being again. A win is a win.
