“I’m only helping him with Zoe,” I tell Keira. “He’s overworked. Nothing else.”
“Iknowhe’s overworked.”
When did she get so protective of Eli? When we were young, they barely spoke. She had plenty of people around her, but Eli was mine. I’d almost suspect something is going on between them if I didn’t know how much Keira loves Rob.
The boxes and piles of items are forgotten at our feet. A muscle clenches in Keira’s neck. “Did he tell you about his legal case?”
It looks like she wants to have trapped me.You didn’t know this, did you?
I’m glad I can nod. It feels like being worthy of Eli’s trust is something important, something valuable.
“Then youknowyou need to stay away.”
“What is that supposed to mean?”
“He needs to keep a squeaky-clean image in town if he wants any chance at keeping full custody of Zoe.”
It’s a punch to the throat. A reminder that, in this town, I’ll always be a McIntyre, no matter how many times I change my name. However, her point isn’t fair. “Youhang out with him.” She might have had an easier time in town, but she remains his daughter, too.
“I don’t have a record.”
It takes me a second to understand what she means, which is crazy, because this event has been following me at every turn. Some stupid thing I did at seventeen has stayed with me for more than a decade. I was lucky it was a juvenile record which meant it didn’t hinder my ability to get a nursing degree or a position at my hospital, but it did kill my chances of ever being able to adopt.
I’m shivering even through the god-forsaken heat of the house. It’s as if every time I try to let go of my history in this town, it follows behind me like a shadow. It’s everywhere I turn, just like it was before I left.
New York might have questionable odors and unbearable traffic, but at least there, I can be anonymous. It was what made me move there in the first place. I said goodbye to the idea of college for a while and took the overnight bus to the city, then used Ruth’s money to pay for a month of rent and got a minimum-wage job for a year, until I could apply to college there. I wanted to be lost in a place where no one knew me, and I was.
I don’t miss my apartment there. It’s never felt like home—more like a place to sleep in between shifts, and since Michael left, it’s felt even more impersonal. But right now, I’d give anything to be back there, if only to find that feeling of being insignificant.
Keira is still watching me like a lioness protecting her cubs.
“He needs help, so I’m babysitting,” I repeat. “That’s it.” When she doesn’t argue, it proves just how much she also believes Eli needs the respite.
“Please keep it at that. For his and Zoe’s sake.”
It’s embarrassing and painful to think that simply being associated with me could hurt Eli, but it’s probably the truth, and I would die before letting my presence in his life affect his ability to keep full custody of Zoe. It’s not like I was planning on having more than friendship with him, but that fact seals the deal.
I guess we can be friends, so long as it’s hidden.
“Don’t worry. I will.”
Chapter 13
Eli’s yard has started to resemble a huge patch of beach grass. I’m sure a small dog like Dottie would get lost if it went running in there. The only thing that looks remotely okay in the yard is the small flowerbed I’ve seen him water a few times.
I’ve offered to mow his lawn. Twice, in fact. The first time, he was on his way out of the house with his chef’s coat on and his hair pulled back in a low bun that had no business looking that good, and he barely had time to tell me, “Thanks, but I’m good,” before jumping into his SUV and driving off. The second time was two days ago, and I was mowing Ruth’s back lawn while Eli and Zoe chased butterflies—well, Zoe chased butterflies with aggressive moves of her net while Eli chased after her before she hurt herself. “It’s no big deal,” I said once he’d noticed the way I’d imperceptibly crossed over to his yard. The sun was setting behind him and Zoe, blurring their features to show only their silhouettes, one so tall compared to the other.
“I can mow my own lawn,” he shouted from across the yard, but even from there, I could hear the humor in his voice.
“I know. But I can, too.”
He took a few steps closer. “Are you trying to emasculate me?”
“Are you trying to tell me your masculinity lies in your ability to mow the lawn?”
“Dad,” Zoe bellowed in a breathless voice, still running, “let Cassie do it so you can help me catch them.”
I snickered. “Your daughter’s a better feminist than you are.”
