“Cassie, I…” He looks the way I feel. Devastated, as opposed to the pitiful look I expected. His mouth opens and closes, but no word comes out. There are none to say. Instead, he places his hand on mine, warm and comforting like hot tea on a rainy day.
“I know.”
He squeezes, and I offer him a small smile. He’s still studying me, reminding me just what a good listener Eli Grant is. When you talk to him, he’s not listening to have something to say in return, but like he wants to understand the whole story, leaving no stone unturned. Having him look at you like this makes you feel like the earth could be shaking under his feet and he wouldn’t notice. I don’t know how I ever forgot how good it feels to be seen by him.
“I’m sorry for asking,” he says.
“Don’t be. Friends should know these kinds of things about each other.”
“Right,” he says.
“And you would’ve been wrong anyway.” My grin stretches, more natural. “Even if I’d gotten pregnant right away, Zoe would still have been born before, Teen Dad.”
He rolls his eyes, color also having returned to his cheeks. “I was twenty-three.”
“What I said.”
He chuckles.
“I was still such a mess at twenty-three,” I add.
“I was, too. Had to get my shit together.” He glances at the kids, now playing with miniature dinosaurs in the sandcastle. “Still don’t know whether I ever completely did, though.”
“About that,” I say. “I want to help out.” The way he’s running himself ragged cannot be sustainable. “It won’t be much, but for as long as I’m here, I’ll give you what time I have. I’m all up to date on my babysitting now.”
Selfishly, I think it could be helpful to me, too. I have three weeks to get ready to return to the hospital, which means I have this amount of time to get comfortable around families and babies again. Even if being with Zoe never gave me the same feeling I had with newborns, I’m sure it could still work as exposure therapy.
“I can’t ask that of you. You have an entire house to get in order.”
“And the circles under your eyes could be mistaken for bruises.”
“You’ve always had such a way with words.”
“Flattery isn’t going to help you.”
“Thank God, because you’d be doing a shitty job of it.”
I snicker, then say, “Please, Eli. I wasn’t there before, but I can do something now.”
He leans forward, thigh muscles bunching under his weight. “So, you’re actually staying?”
“For July.”
A moment passes before he says, “All right. I’ll think about it.”
I nod. Better than I could’ve hoped for.
“I want to go into the water again!”
We both turn toward Zoe who’s jumping on her feet. Eli goes to stand, but I stop him with a hand on his arm. “I got it.”
“You sure?”
“You said you’d think about it. This is you beginning to think.”
He purses his lips but leans back in his chair. Winning with him always gives me such a high.
I get to my feet, and only then do I realize the mistake I just made. Going in the water means I need to remove my shorts and sweatshirt.
