“You can’t be here. You have to go to Eli’s. Now.” She steps onto the porch to rush me down the stairs.
“What?” I repeat. “What’s going on?”
“You have to leave. Come back later.”
“I don’t understand.”
“Just go!”
I almost trip with the force she uses to push me toward the driveway. She doesn’t look angry, though. Still surprised. Anxious, maybe?
“All right, all right, I’m going.” I give her one last questioning look before heading toward my car, nervous all of a sudden. Is something wrong with him?
“Cass?”
I turn around.
“You’re really staying?”
“Yeah, I am.”
She blinks, then dips her head, a small smile on her lips. That dip is the biggest beacon of hope I’ve ever seen.
“All right, go!”
I grin, then watch her walk back inside before I get in my car and turn on the ignition.
Again. And again.
The engine rattles but never turns on.
Fuck. Me.
I try two more times, but no luck. Keira’s driveway is empty—she and Rob shared one car, so he probably has it now.
Well, here goes nothing. The rush with which Keira kicked me out had to mean something, and I can’t wait around for the car gods to start working. With only one Uber and no taxi in town, I’d have a better chance at running.
So, that’s what I do.
I run the three miles to Eli’s house, so out of shape every breath hurts, and it’s as free as I’ve ever felt. I receive a few weird looks, and while they crawl over my skin and give me the initial impulse to stop or hide, I don’t. I force myself to look forward, to focus on who I’m running to, and ignore them. I’ll probably need to learn to blow people off like Keira does so well, but that’ll be for another day. I have to stop a few times to catch my breath and make sure I don’t throw up, all the while promising myself I’ll start exercising once I’m settled, no matter the outcome. If Eli has changed his mind or isn’t certain he wants forever, I’ll handle it and find a way to stay regardless. Ruth was right; I needed to leave, and I also needed to return once I was ready to face everything. Seeing my father for the first time after all these years made me act on impulse, but I don’t want to be that person anymore. I can be stronger, if not for me, then for them. My people.
When I finally reach Beachside Avenue, the Grants’ house looks like an oasis, gleaming under the warm glow of the early morning sun. It forces me to run faster even though my mouth tastes like iron, and my chest hurts so bad I fear I’m going to pass out.
And then, as if feeling my silent call, he’s there.
He doesn’t see me at first, but I would recognize that tall build from a mile away. He walks out of the house with bags strung over his shoulders, making long strides toward his SUV. I don’t break rhythm, even as puts the bags in the car and walks back inside.
When I reach the driveway, I’m panting, folded in two with my hands on my knees so I can catch my breath. Thankfully, he’s disappeared long enough for me to somewhat compose myself. When he returns outside with another bag hooked onto his shoulder and finally notices me, he stops dead in his tracks, at first squinting, then going slack-jawed. He looks so handsome, with his gray Coldplay faded T-shirt I know would smell like him and would feel so soft under my cheek. It hasn’t been long, but my heart gallops as if I haven’t seen him in years. His hair is wild, and his beard is already longer, probably not having been trimmed since I left.
He doesn’t say my name, doesn’t move, his bag hanging mid-air as he watches me like I’m a specter, just like he did that first day in July. I don’t give him time to get over his shock and react one way or another.
“When I learned I couldn’t have kids, I felt like someone had taken my only purpose away from me. Being a mother was what I was supposed to do with my life. Having that happy, loving family was all I wanted, and then that dream was gone.”
Eli still looks shocked, but he takes a step in my direction nonetheless, as if even if his mind hasn’t computed yet, his body knows where he needs to be.
My throat is dry, from the run and from saying things I’ve tried to keep pushed away for a long time. “Losing that changed everything. It made me hate the one thing I’d always loved. It felt like my condition had taken everything from me.” Hands knotted in front of me, I crack a knuckle. “But being here this summer with you and Zoe…” My lips twitch at the burst of emotion in my chest. “It felt like she’d given me a new purpose. Likeyouhad.”
His face falls just as the bag does with a thunk, and then he’s there, so close I could touch him. His eyes reflect everything I’m feeling—hurt and fear, but mostly hope.
