I had to stop my shower every two minutes to put his pacifier back in, and even worse, I got shampoo in my eyes.
Needless to say, by the time I got out, I was a frazzled mess.
Which was, of course, when Holt had a blowout.
I stuck him and his entire bouncer into the shower and washed it off while standing there naked, trying to find it in me to feel something other than resentment.
I loved Holt.
I really did.
But I hadn’t wanted a baby at the time I’d gotten pregnant.
When the accident happened, Joey had been overjoyed.
And it was hard not to feel the same when he smothered me in love and adoration.
Now, I was struggling to hold my head above water, and I just needed help.
I wished I hadn’t closed my family out.
I loved them.
Adored them, really.
But I hadn’t wanted to listen to them telling me how stupid I was for going back.
When I got done cleaning everything up, I was running ten minutes late, and I had to leave without drying my hair.
It meant that it would dry in a curly, likely frizzy mess.
Joey hated me with curly hair, and I’d been straightening it since I was a young teen because of him.
As I walked out of the bedroom with Holt, Joey’s nose lifted in a partial snarl when he saw my hair.
“You’re leaving the house like that?”
“I don’t have a choice, since you wouldn’t help me,” I pointed out, feeling the tears start to well up in my throat.
“Well, it’s a good thing that you’re already taken, because if you left like that and you were single, I can guarantee you that no one would look at you twice.”
With that final parting comment, he moved from his work computer to his gaming computer.
I don’t know why I did it, but I walked to the hall closet where the modem was kept and roughly snatched it out, breaking wires and prongs as I did.
Only after I put it back the way it was, though broken wires making it useless, did I leave the house and not look back.
I took my car to the doctor’s office and sat through an hour of waiting before I was finally able to be seen by my doctor.
I broke down when she asked how I was doing.
I told her everything.
How I was feeling.
How I was being treated.
How I was struggling hard and finding it difficult to bond with Holt.
