Somehow, I need to convince Emma not to define me by theAustralia’s Favorite Bachelorreputation rehab bullshit. Unfortunately, I don’t think the women lined up to be my female accomplices have got the memo that this is all about the publicity and no real kisses will be harmed in the making of the photos.
Last night’s date with a reality TV starlet started off with her pouting because I didn’t recognize her or know about her villain edit. Seriously, when do I have time to watch TV? The date ended with her googling my name on our way to the restaurant, only to realize she was supposed to be my redemption, not the other way around. Truthfully, I couldn’t have gotten it up for her if someone paid me. Fake blonde hair, six inches of makeup, lips that looked like they would explode if wrapped around a cock, and a smile so plastic, it should come with a health warning.
I barely remembered her name by the time we got to Joe’s, one of my favorite restaurants. I’ve known Joe since forever, and he always does me a solid, seating me with or without privacy depending on my mood. He ensures I get the family- and friends-style service, and I tag his restaurant and the meals. He always gets an uptick in business, and I know he won’t sell me out. Without asking, I requested the high vis table and warned Joe that the paps would be out in force as if summoned with offers of free beer.
After ordering the lowest fat meal on the menu, Tessa started talking and didn’t stop. I didn’t even have to ask questions; she just let the words gush. “I was in Bali last summer, and let me tell you, the water there is magical…”
I barely tuned in. I nodded, saying the right things and keeping my smile in place like Janice instructed, and for the cameras she conveniently tipped off. But if it’s all about my redemption arc, why the fuck would they pair me with a reality TV villain? The whole thing felt like a circus. A fucking joke.
Immediately the photos leaked and my name started trending along with the headline, “Football’s Sexiest Bachelor No More?” Really? One date with no chemistry and no goodnight kiss, and the media has me married off.
Kenzie:Looking good. Thanks
Me:You’re welcome.
Me:But why???
Kenzie:It’s always good when my footballers are trending but I don’t have to clean up their shit.
Warner:Next date confirmed.
At least my agent sends me a link to social media influencer, Kylee. With more followers than I can follow, she doesn’t need a surname.
Me to Kenzie:They’re trying to set me up on another date
Kenzie:And?
Me:Won’t it make me look like a tool going out with someone else?
Me: You’re a female, how would you take it?
In reality, I want to know how Emma would take it, but there’s no way of bringing Cooper’s partner and the Mavericks’ social media manager in on my dirty little secret.
Kenzie: If you’re asking how I’d take watching Cooper date other women when he’s supposed to be in a relationship with me?
Me: Yes
Kenzie: I don’t date cheaters
Kenzie:Are you cheating on someone?
Me: It’s complicated
“Okay, talk to me,” Kenzie says as soon as I answer the phone. “I can’t fix it if I don’t know about it.”
“First, are we friends? Can I invoke the friendship confidentiality clause, and you can’t tell the Mavericks and you can’t even tell Cooper?”
“Cooper and I don’t have secrets.” There’s a long pause before Kenzie adds, “So, don’t give me the details. Don’t give me his or her name, just tell me what’s going on.”
“There is someone I hooked up with. We can’t be in a relationship because of reasons you don’t want me to tell you. But I really like her, and I don’t want thisAustralia’s Favorite Bachelorbullshit to scare her off.”
“Okay …” after another long pause, Kenzie clears her throat. “I’m only going to ask this once—and if you lie to me, I will assassinate your socials. Is she married?”
“Fuck no. I don’t do married women. Hell, I don’t even look at women who are in a relationship. Why would you even think I’d …”
“I had to ask.” Kenzie sighs, and I hope she can give me something—any kind of get out of jail card. “Okay, here’s what I know. First, there are no photos of you kissing Tessa.”
“Because I didn’t fucking kiss her.”
