“Certainly.”
The walk back takes longer than it should. Mainly because Iaccidentally on purposeget lost and zig when I should have zagged. It’s not that I’m avoiding Hunter; ordering our favorite dish dispels that thought. Or that I need to second guess my decision about Mitchel.
Past, past, future.
Still, it feels wrong to be walking away from Mitchel over one mistake. If I could call his total infidelity one mistake. Repeated. And repeated some more.
What if he could change, and being caught with his pants down was the wake-up call he, we, needed? I need to be sure that whatever decisions I make over the next week or so are based on more than Hunter once breaking my heart and Mitchel breaking our wedding vows.
I see the wait staff arriving with our meals just ahead of me and race to warn Hunter we aren’t expecting any more guests for dinner.
“Hey,” I call, motioning for the meals to be left on the veranda. I need to be inside with Hunter alone. “Hunter?”
“Liv?” The mess of a man who left our bedroom breaks my heart. I’d expected drunk, but he’s sober. Red eyes search for confirmation that nothing has changed. “Baby? Liv?”
“He wants couples counseling, to sell up and start again,” I blurt out, stepping into his arms, but he holds back, inspecting me for the truth.
“What do you want?”
“Strangely, that topic never came up.” I laugh. “We talked, or rather, Mitchel talked for almost four hours, and what I wanted never came up.”
“That kiss, our kiss ...”
“Didn’t mean to be the end.”
“It sure as hell felt like it. What do you want, Liv? I can’t go back to just being friends. Not after this.” He motions to the island’s expanse, but I know Lizard Island has become more than a destination. It will always be a symbol of our journey. Only, I don’t know how it will end. Last time I trusted Hunter with my heart, he broke it. Now, I find out our last holidaytogether could have been a lie. What if he doesn’t love me as much as he says he does? What if he changes his mind, again?
“I don’t know what I want,” I start before any hope in Hunter’s face becomes crushed. “I didn’t mean that. What I meant is that a lot has happened, and I don’t know how to process it all.”
“You need space?” he asks, his voice breaking at the same time as my heart.
“I think so.” I need to separate thoughts from feelings, and facts from emotion.
“You want me to leave the island?”
“Hell, no. But could we try separate beds tonight?”
“You’re the one who was having nightmares.”
“Now I need to think.”
“I’ll still be able to hear you snoring from the other room.”
“I’m counting on it.” At least we can snigger. Even when we might be ending, we can still do it without destroying each other.
“I can’t believe you’d tarnish salmon as our breakup meal before we’d decided on a makeup meal.” Hunter forces a smile as we sit down to eat. One of us on either side of the small round table. Close enough to hold hands, but I appreciate how he respects my need for space.
“Dying man’s last wish?” It’s what I used to ask before Hunter played a big rugby match.
“Oh, give me greasy twice-cooked chips with a gravy made out of meat juices any day.”
“On the largest hamburger money can buy?” I say without thinking. “Oh!”
“It’s fine, Liv. At the time, you felt like you were dying, and the hamburger seemed like the right meal.”
“Did I thank you for coming to my rescue?”
“Now that does sound like a farewell speech.”
