“A good something?”
“A very good something.” I reach for his hand. It’s decked out in a plethora of gold rings that feel cool against my skin as I clasp our fingers together. “Okay, so, I know I told you to be yourself and I still very much believe that, but... is that really available for anyone to listen to?”
He lets out a low hissy laugh, and my whole body warms up, despite the cold.
“It is. But really, it’s just for you. It always was for you.”
“But you got to do it for you, too,” I say, arching an eyebrow at him.
He nods. “I know. And I will. I’m not scared anymore.”
“I don’t expect you to be fearless. I don’t expect you to be perfect. I guess I realized that... I did that as much as you did, creating this idealized version of you in my head. And it didn’t give you the space to be authentic.” I can feel my tears welling up, and Ilet them spill out. I let him see all of me. “I want you, Reggie, just as you are.”
He reaches up to wipe my cheeks, and then he lets his hand rest there. “And I promise that’s who I’ll be from now on. Because I love you, Delilah.”
The words hit me in the chest, stopping my breath.
“I thought I loved you right when I met you, but I hadn’t earned it yet, that feeling. Because I didn’t know you yet. But now I do. I know your talent and how bright you shine. I know your worries and your fears, which you’ve shared with me, so bravely, even when I didn’t deserve it. And I know you’re not perfect—I don’t expect you to be perfect either. But, sweetheart, you’re a treasure to me all the same.”
I look into his eyes I know so well, and I’m sure this is right. This is what I want. And I may not know what comes next—I don’t know if this is a detour or the finish line. But I know it’s worth the risk.
Reggie
And, there. I’ve said it. And I don’t regret it, because it’s true. That’s what I want to lead with from now on: what’s true. No matter who’s watching, no matter what they might think—that’s going to be the one rule in myPlayer’s Handbookof life from now on.
Still, my heart stops beating as I wait for what comes next. It could be good, it could be bad—but I know I’ve given it my all.
Delilah’s answer rises on her face like the sun: first her lips curve into a smile, a real one, then her freckly nose widens, and finally a starburst of lines appear at the corners of her eyes, just like when she sings.
“I love you too, Reggie.”
Our families clap and holler, and it feels like a dream. But as I lean in to kiss her, I know it’s better. It’s real.
New Year’s Eve (Again)
Reggie
I really love New Year’s Eve.
It’s a fresh start. A chance to ask questions about yourself before you spend the year answering them. It’s a time for change even bigger than you may be able to imagine.
But I especially love New Year’s Eve because it’ll always be when Delilah and I met.
“This lady any good?”
I’m spending the night at The Mode again, but instead of coming here reluctantly, trying to escape my brother and his friends, I’m standing behind the merch table, selling shirts for my girlfriend. She doesn’t have much—just a few shirts that Greg helped her make—but they’re already almost gone.
“She’s the best,” I say to the guy standing in front of me, considering one of those final T-shirts. He wearing a denim jacket covered in patches and has his lime-green hair fashioned into spikes. “You can see for yourself in a minute, actually. She’s about to go on.”
The guy narrows his eyes at me and then starts pointing. “Wait a minute. Aren’t you Keepin’ It d100? Yeah, you are! Man, I fucking love your essays!”
I study his face, looking for a sign that he’s messing with me, a plant sent in by Yobani. But no... his expression looks genuinely excited, and it makes me excited, too.
“Yeah, that’s me.” I smile. “You play D&D?”
He doesn’tlooklike someone who does plays D&D, but I guess I should know by now there’s no one kind of D&D player.
“Play? Uh, I consider it more of a lifestyle,” he says, crossing his arms. “But hey, that one you put up last week. My favorite, no lie. I listened to yourRole With Itepisode, too... didn’t really get it, kinda weird. Butthat essay, man—finally posting your face and name, and just, like, sayingsuck itto anyone who has a problem with that... Dude, that was legit!”
