“I can agree all I like,” Lady Albright said, “but the reality is, unless she figures out a way to get there, then she still can’t get there.”
“I just want to rest right now,” I lied. Ratchet took a deep breath by the doorway.
“I’m going to stand outside her doorway,” he said. “No matter what happens. There won’t be any way of her getting to Undirheim.”
“It doesn’t matter what Caroline might know. There’s no way to get to her.” The ladies handed me the potion. “Take this. It’ll help you sleep.”
I stared at them, but there was no way they were moving until I actually drank it. That seemed to be their modus operandum now. I looked around to try to figure out some way I could put it in my mouth and then spit it in a container, but they weren’t having that either. Finally, I downed the medicine to calm my nerves and stood there, falling into a drowsy, fitful sleep as Ratchet, Katrina, and Lady Albright all stared at me.
Chapter 14
RYDER
My dreams that night were dark and disastrous.
I dreamt I was having sex with Laney, and that Caroline had walked in on us.
I dreamt I was having sex with Caroline and she turned into a corpse.
I dreamt monsters were over running the Earth.
Every time I open my eyes and close them, I would have a nightmare. While I didn’t need sleep that much in general, with the recent traumas of Caroline’s death, I knew I needed to rest. But rest was not possible. I tossed and turned, trying to push the thoughts of Laney from my head. Trying to keep Caroline close, but not in a tortuous way.
I stared out through the floor to ceiling glass windows bleakly watching the sunrise. The view that used to thrill me held no pleasure for me anymore.
I had made so many mistakes.
I had strived to have a human relationship while I was a demigod. I had attempted that with someone who I thought was human.
Clearly that was a poor judgment as well.
If I had been more open with her in the beginning, perhaps we wouldn’t have been in this situation. We may have discovered earlier on she was a banshee. We could’ve gotten the right dispensation from the DGC and the fae. She would’ve known more about the world of the Legendi, which I had always been trying to hide from her. She wouldn’t have made the mistake of getting the rings from the DGC. She wouldn’t have been a victim of Cade.
She would have known more about what we were up against. Instead, she had been innocent, completely unaware of the entire world I lived in. I had done the exact opposite of having a real relationship with someone. I had manipulated her and straight up lied to her on various occasions.
I buried my head in my pillow.
How could I have been so stupid?
I had wasted every opportunity of having intimacy of having closeness.
And then, when it was all over when the opportunity to love her and be with her was gone and I had been completely alone. I had immediately turned to somebody else.
Her. Best. Friend.
What was wrong with me?
It was one thing to be a monster. It was another thing to Want to make good choices, and then make poor ones. If I had been fully a monster, I wouldn’t have wanted to make good choices at all.
I wasn’t a monster not like that. I had a human side that was in love with Caroline. It was that human side that had mistreated her and made poor choices.
Now I was just left with the memory.
Laney.
What had I done?
