Magnus looked at me, his eyes wide and pleading.
“Don’t give me those big puppy eyes. They have no power over me anymore,” I admonished.
“I don’t suppose they do,” Magnus said sadly.
The worst thing was they didn’t. I loved the feeling of being in love. I loved the excitement and the thrill that there was somebody out there who was awesome and perfect and wonderful and who cares just about me.
That wasn’t Magnus. Magnus only cared about himself and his mother. He didn’t even care about his brother too much if he was willing to do what he did. No, he was classic narcissistic, full of himself and focused on himself. He was not the man for me. It made me sad. Not because I wanted him anymore, but it just made me sad to not have the energetic vibe of romance going on anymore. I didn’t have the feeling that there would be anything special in my day.
“I don’t expect that you would still want to see me,” Magnus said, “but—”
“That’s for sure,” I cut him off.
“I just want you to know that my feelings for you are real,” Magnus moaned.
“I hardly believe that,” I groaned, closing my eyes and honestly not even wanting to hear about it. It was like taking salt and rubbing it into a wound. “The only thing I want to know, and it’s not from you, it’s from Ryder,” I said, turning to the demigod of monsters. “How do we at least talk to Caroline to know she’s okay?”
Ryder blew out a sigh. “It’s complicated. We need to have a plan in place.”
“You won’t even be able to find her in Undirheim,” Magnus said. “Without some level of sacrifice and you can’t get her out, so I don’t even know what you’re thinking of.”
I whirled on him. “I just want to make sure she’s okay.”
“She’s in Undirheim. She’s dead,” Magnus shrugged. “I don’t know what else you want to know other than that. She is out of this realm.”
“I agree with you, Caroline.” Ryder crossed his arms over his chest.
“So, what’s the first step?” I asked.
“Well, we probably need to learn a little more about Undirheim,” Ryder said, glancing into the room.
“We can start doing some research,” Katrina noted, moving to huddle with the witches. Magnus reached toward me, trying to approach, but I just turned away. “Don’t even try, Magnus. Even if you were able to bring Caroline back to life and place her right here in mint condition in front of me, I will never ever have the time of day for you. We are through.”
Ryder had assigned me the room Caroline, and I had shared before when we had stayed here. I went back to it now to have a long, hot shower. I was just trying to come to terms with everything and try not to lose my shit. My best friend dying was the worst thing ever. It changed my entire perspective on the world. How was I even supposed to go back to Boston now, forget the fire fly, forget the supernatural world, forget everything? How was I supposed to live without my best friend? How was I supposed to just go about my business and pretend life was normal? She didn’t have any parents. I didn’t have a large family. We had been everything to each other and now here I was in my mid-forties with the rest of my life stretching out in front of me, and knowing I wouldn’t have my best friend when I needed her.
I knew I should be helping them with the research on Undirheim. They were looking at doors and spells and how to get in there and who to talk to. I knew Ratchet could be more helpful than he was being, but for some reason he wasn’t supporting this effort to find Caroline. I guess it was a testament to how dangerous it was for us to even go there. Ratchet seemed intent on the flowers he’d been consuming since we got here and it didn’t look like he had any plans to let up.
I stared outside at the bright full moon, casting blue shade over everything. The views from up here on the top of Mount Diablo were amazing. I felt like I was in a fishbowl. It’s not like there was anybody looking in, but I needed to breathe fresh air. I needed to go out and feel grounded. I’d gone from being inside of a volcano to now being inside something that felt like a tower, even though it wasn’t.
I turned to Ryder. “Is it okay to get out of this place for a little bit and go for a walk?”
His eyebrows raised in surprise. “Yeah, of course I think they’d be fine.”
“I don’t think it’s a good idea,” Magnus said. “There could be anything out there looking for you.”
“What was looking for me is in Hawaii,” I said. “And besides, I don’t think he really needs me anymore. There’s plenty of other ways for that creature to come back to life fully.”
“Yeah, I don’t think they actually need Laney. I think she was just in the way and made a good excuse. Though, you’re probably right about not letting her outside. Could be dangerous, Laney,” Ryder glanced at me cautiously.
“Please,” I pleaded with every ounce in my body. “Just let me go outside for a little bit.”
“I know exactly how you feel,” Ryder said. “I feel it too. I understand you want to go outside and get some fresh air and ground yourself a little bit, but maybe it’s just not the right time,”
“Why don’t you come with me?” I asked.
“That’s a really terrible idea,” Magnus argued.
“It’ll give her protection,” Ratchet chimed in. “In case anything happens.”
