Page 13 of The Moments You Miss
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Chapter 10
The Clean Up
Leyla
How fucking embarrassing. I invite a man—an old friend at that— over to my house, and not only do I let him eat me out, but mid-almost-orgasm: I have a panic attack. I stayed in his arms for a ridiculous amount of time as he comforted me. Cameron listened to every single word I said and not an ounce of judgement came from him. I look down at my phone seeing that he has texted me, four times now, and I have yet to reply.
The idea that he held me through my panic attack, let me remember how to breathe, pass out while watching a movie, then carried me to my room, meant more to me than one could ever fucking begin to explain. I woke up to a bottle of water, some Tylenol, and his number scribbled onto a Post-It is sitting on my counter.
There’s something mortifying about the fact that I was so open to this man I hadn’t seen in nearly eight yearsthat has me reeling. Even just thinking of him made me realize a part of me that I thought was closed off, has somehow started to crack open and let me see that there is still good in the world.
“I should text him.”
I work on braiding my hair as I look at my video call with Hazel, who is sitting at her vanity putting on makeup for some date she was going on. Hazel’s jaw dropped as she turned and looked at me.
“Leyley, that’s what I’m telling you. This man talked you through an entire panic attack and did all that cute shit for you, and you mean to tell me that you’re ghosting him?”
“...Yes. I am doing exactly that.”
I look at Hazel incredulously, her face matching mine. I let a small smile take over my lips as I look at her. “Okay, okay. I’ll text him and see about having dinner.” I pull my phone off of the desk and pull up Cameron’s text thread. “Haze, what do I even say? Hey bud, thanks for giving me the best blue balls ever, wanna try again? Or, or I know! Thanks for tongue fucking me and then holding me while I have a panic attack then promptly fall asleep on you after? This dude is too good for me, and I already know that.”
“Babes, you can just say hey. He clearly likes you if he’s been checking in on you.”
There is a long pause filled only with my mild annoyance. “I hate that you’re always fucking right,” I finally mutter. I quickly tap out a little message to Cameron and put my phone back on the charger, hoping that in between waiting for him to reply and me putting it there, my phone will spontaneously combust. That way I can just keep living in my safe little bubble, away from others. EvenCameron. He’s too good for me, and I don’t want to getanyoneinvolved in the shipwreck of my life.
Not even a moment later, my phone buzzes and an unintentional squeal escapes my lips as I see the notification pop up across the top of the screen. “He responded,” I blurt out as Hazel continues her talking.
Cameron: Hey :)
Cameron: I’m working right now, but I’m off at 5 if you wanna do something? I’ve got just the thing.
“Shit!” I run over and pick up the phone. “Sorry Haze, freaked out a bit there.” I laugh awkwardly as I look at the text thread and then back to the video call.
“Leyley! The fuck did he say?! You can’t leave me hanging like that!” Hazel’s overly enthusiastic voice echoes through the room. I hesitate, a noise coming from the back of her throat as Hazel interrupts again. “LEYLA JOY CLARKSON!” Hazel teases once again, full naming me; I can’t help but bite my lip with a smirk.
“Oh my god, you’re insane.” I tease, but then relent. “He asked to go to dinner tonight… I should say–”
“You should say yes, and I will take it as a personal offense if you don’t,” Hazel huffs. I sit here, truly not sure if she’s joking or not.
She’s not.
“Fine,fine.I’ll say yes.“ I begrudgingly agree, then look at the time. “I’ve gotta let you go, Haze. I’ll text you tonight.”
“Please don’t, because girl, if you’re not finally getting that sweet sweet cock that weknowyou need, I will come to Michigan and slap you.”
“Haz– that bitch hung up,” I mutter to her, then to myself.
An unsettling sense of relief hits me, I’m slightly relieved that she hung up on me. I love talking to Hazel, and I normally have no issues blabbing every detail of my life to her, but for some reason, with everything I’ve been doing I feel almost guilty telling her. Detective Alex has been a sensitive subject with her lately, and if I were to tell her that we are talking again, and that I’ll be helping out with her new group... I worry that Hazel would feel betrayed.
That twinge of guilt hits me as my decision to rejoin the group sends an unsettling pain through me. Closing my eyes, I try to think back to those years ago when that was me in the group, I try to think back to my younger years and I’m met with this heavy fog that’s sat there for so fucking long. Cameron’s presence is a gentle distraction that things can still turn out okay.
Leyla: Sure, where?
Cameron: I’ll pick you up.
Leyla: See you soon!
