Chandra gave me one of her most scathing looks. I felt sorry for people on the wrong side of her in courtrooms. “There’s a huge difference between nannying and being a stepfather.”
I nearly choked on the next bite of food. “What? We’re not…” But did I want to? It was way too early for those types of thoughts. That warm feeling came back, though, and tiny snippets of what life could be like in the future flew through my mind. “We’re taking things slow.” That didn’t sound like the truth, but it did sound smart.
So many things were up in the air about Gilbert and Evie’s life, and I had important things to focus on, too. My professor wouldn’t let me get away with any more late papers. Gil and I were both highly committed people, but not to each other. Not yet.Are you sure about that?I pushed the thought down deep. Gil had his daughter and business to worry about. I had my degree and my own financial issues to occupy my mind.
Chandra finished her coffee and reached for her bag. “Peter wants to get together soon. Let’s schedule something when we’re all off.” She smirked at me. “Your boyfriend, too.”
“He’s not my… we’re not.” My mouth snapped shut, and my cheeks heated.
We headed out to the parking lot side-by-side. “You look different when you talk about them, Sam. I’m very observant, you know.” She gave me a quick hug before turning toward her car. “They’re good for you.”
The warm feelings kept me toasty all the way home. Dave sprawled on the couch watching some action movie. He gave me an up-nod and a ‘What’s up?’ when I came in before turning back to the show. I poured a mug of coffee in the kitchen before retreating to my room. It wasn’t my favorite brand, and Dave always made it a bit too strong, but I needed the kick.
If I was going to hang out with Gil and Evie over the weekend, I had to make a lot of progress on my project first. My goals couldn’t fall by the wayside just because I was seriously falling for a beautiful single father and his adorable little girl.
***
Gil and I filled the dishwasher together while Evie stood by the coffee table and smacked her stuffed cat’s face with her fish toy. Such a smart girl. She already understood the food chain and healthy pet diets. We’d shared dinner at least every other day for the past week and texted so much I might have to upgrade my phone plan from the cheapest one to unlimited.
Everything felt so good, and I wanted more. Everything felt natural. When Chandra brought up the whole ‘stepfather’ thing, something that was not one-hundred-percent nerves filled me. I slid the last plate in the washer and took a deep breath.
We hadn’t spent the night together yet. I couldn’t invite him back to my place. Getting a babysitter to hide in a tiny room with my roommates right outside made no sense. I couldn’t come right out and ask to stay over even though I thought maybe Gil wanted me to.
Every time I kissed him at the door on my way back out into the frigid dark, he had this wistful look in his eyes. Was I imagining it? I don’t think I was that imaginative really. No pressure though. The last thing I wanted to do was put more stress on the man.
Gil dried his hands on the towel and leaned back against the counter, his arms crossed over his firm chest and his lips curving in the little smile I liked so much. “What are we doing?”
I straightened up to meet his gaze. “The dishes? Or you mean after.” I glanced at Evie, who had moved on to her trucks. “We could watch a movie, or… do you play cards or anything?” I didn’t play cards, but maybe our usual evenings of playing with Evie and chatting bored Gil. I wanted to relieve stress in good ways, not ones that merely dulled the edges.
His smile grew as he stepped closer to slide his hands around my waist. “No, I really don’t play cards that much. I wasn’t talking about just tonight.” A shimmer of nerves flitted across his face. “I mean us. What are we doing?”
My heart skipped a beat and then proceeded to pound harder than before. Were we having the relationship discussion? Right here in the kitchen? I’d never done that before, and I hoped I wasn’t misreading things. “You mean… what are we doing?”
“I like you, Sam, but I know my life is a bit of a mess right now.” He didn’t let go despite the hesitation in his words.
“Gil.” I’d never been too adventurous when it came to relationships or dating. I’d certainly never declared my love for someone before. The instant that word popped up in my mind, I froze. His eyes narrowed and he started to pull away, but I stopped him. “I really like you, too. I like your life, mess and all. I want to be a part of it.”
Before we could get too far into the avalanche of kisses that punctuated my declaration, Evie squawked from the other side of the open space and started to fuss. Gil kissed me one more time with a smile before sliding his hand into mine and heading for the couch.
“Sweet pea, what’s up? Are you bored with your trucks?” He held his hands out to her, and she crawled over to get picked upinto his lap. “Do you need a cuddle from Daddy and Sam?” Gil cradled her in his left arm and slung his right one around my shoulder.
Could anything ever feel better than that? I couldn’t imagine.
Chapter 12
Gilbert
My client Alex’s cousin offered videography services to social media influencers in what appeared to me to be the soft porn industry. Alex sent the link to his online portfolio and asked me to see if they could use him for their upcoming wedding. Scrolling through dozens of twenty-something women with inflated lips and way too much makeup left me with serious doubts. I mean, people could wear whatever they want on their face, but the poorly blended contouring had an air of Picasso about it.
I sent him a message anyway. Maybe he’d simply refuse to do their wedding or have a job scheduled already. Kelly sent me a list of three photographers who had galleries she liked, andI busied myself researching local talents that matched. Two of her favorites were in Manhattan and the other one in Seattle. My clients’ budget didn’t fit with NYC prices or airfare and hotel stays for wedding service providers.
My kitchen island overflowed with fabric swatches, brochures, and business cards, with my tablet on one side and my laptop on the other. The first showed a collage of the wedding color scheme, bridesmaid dresses, and three of Kelly’s favorite flowers. The laptop held a budget spreadsheet and a reminder to call two bakeries the next day.
I loved the chaos and the mess of beautiful things. I guessed that defined weddings pretty well, and maybe relationships, too. It had always felt like that with Paige, at least early on in our time together. Plenty of chaos, but lots of beautiful moments scattered throughout.
I know I had loved her. Did I think we were forever? I supposed I must’ve at some point, but in a casual, for-granted kind of way that happens in most relationships I’ve seen. Not that I took her for granted. I did everything I could to make her happy. Never complained about doing my share of the chores, cooked her favorite meals, took her out to favorite spots, showed appreciation, respected her time, fucked other men, and then just let them fuck her.
Bringing up the long-ago good times got more difficult as the months went on. I didn’t have a reason to anyway. After our slow slide into complacency and the growing disinterest, all the warm feelings faded. The morning after Evie was born, I arrived at the hospital and was met with frowning nurses. I remembered the terror that filled me when one stepped forward and patted my arm. Evie was fine, the same beautiful, perfect, healthy newborn as the night before.
