It’s unnerving. I shouldn’t let myself get swept up in his pace, no matter how tantalizing it is. I should be more careful. I made a promise, and I must see it through. Hex is the forbidden fruit I can never have, the one man I’m not allowed to ever touch.
I loosen my grip, letting my fingers drag down his plush lips and delicate chin. I wish he didn’t make it so damn hard every time. That he would stop trying to undermine my efforts. Since I took him in all those years ago, time and time again he’s tried to change the status quo, to turn this into something it shouldn’t ever be.
“I’m dying to kiss you right now,” he says, running his pink tongue over his bottom lip in invitation.
Heat surges through me, exacerbating that buzz I feel whenever I find myself too close to him. Part of me wants to give in, to taste him and see just how profoundly it would change my life. But I don’t dare. I can’t betray my best friend like that.
The weight of the promise I made roils my stomach. I can’t ever break it, and even if I let myself entertain that thought, I’m just too old for Hex. The dangerous life that I’ve lived and continue to live is not for him. My future and Hex’s just don’t converge—we are too different, like a bright star and the dark cloud of mist meant to protect it.
“I think we can go now,” I say, straining my hearing. The voices are no longer in front of the room, so I prop open the door and gesture at the corridor. “It’s game on, Hex. Don’t disappoint me. I’m counting on you.”
His eyes light up with excitement as he gives me a vigorous nod. He shines so brightly whenever I praise him. He absorbs every word like it’s the air he needs to breathe. I shouldn’t like it, but I do. It’s another of my secrets, another dark part of me that will never see the light of day.
Because Hex will outgrow me, sooner than later. He’ll meet someone younger, someone more interesting, and he will move on from me. I’m fine with that. He’ll forget me eventually, he’ll be happy, he’ll start his own family and have a life full of joy.
But I will continue to watch over him, even when that happens, from the shadows and until the day that I die.
4
Hex
Aranisbeingweird.Weider than usual. It started after I demanded a kiss that he, as always, turned down. I could’ve gone in for a surprise attack, but he’s too fast, so that never works and only makes him sulk and not talk to me for at least an hour. Plus, we do have to blend in and observe the guests, and it would suck if I ruined things just because I can’t keep it in my pants.
Our mission is the priority, I remind myself. Stop the bad guys and their drug first, then the sexiest man on Earth will be your reward. You got this.
When we finish our shift and return to our cabin to rest, everything will be fair game, though. And I just might have something in mind already. Whether it will lift his mood like I expect it to, or completely backfire, is up for debate. But I’m willing to take that risk.
The first hour of shadowing Aran is kind of boring. There are no people on the entertainment deck, and thanks to the area with the rides, the whole place feels like one of those desolate dystopian theme parks. Minus the falling-apart aspect, of course. Everything is in pristine condition, clean and sparkly and waiting to be made a mess of.
I wish I could do that, like right now. It’s been a while since I last rode a roller coaster. On the other hand, there are also a bunch of restaurants that I could hit up. I didn’t eat anything since I spent the morning messing around the ship’s roster systems, so I am a bit hungry.
The orderliness of our surroundings reminds me of Aran, the way he’s always prim and proper. Even when his hair sticks out of his bun or low ponytail, it looks stylish, intentional. It’s the way he speaks too, that calm timbre that never rises in volume even when I’ve gone a step too far teasing him. Sometimes, it makes me think he likes it. That he enjoys my dumbass comments and attempted kiss attacks. That he craves them even. I don’t know why, it’s just a gut feeling, something my body picks up on without my or his input. It’s like how he knows I’m hungry, or how he can tell just with a glance if I like something or not. He’s amazing like that.
“Things are about to get busy.” He shoves a cocoa-orange nuts and fruit bar into my hand.
I blink up at him, my cheeks growing warmer. Here he strikes again, being able to tell what I need like it’s the most natural thing. How does he know I’m hungry? He must have anticipated it too, considering he came prepared with my favorite healthy snack.Swoon.
“Finally. Can’t wait to see who these mysterious guests are.”
And I mean it. I’ll do more digging tonight, but if the organizers went to the trouble of creating that coded guest list, I’m not holding much hope. Not that I’d give up. We are on a super important mission, and we have objectives to meet. I’ve never lost a game before, and I won’t lose now either. We will find out who these people are and how exactly they are involved with that nasty drug. And then we’ll go from there. I know that at its core, this is supposed to be just a recon mission, but if Sudo Hex can do something to thwart the assholes’ likely evil plan, he most definitely will.
Aran leads me to his post by the small stage where dancers are already gathering. The massive doors atop the bifurcated staircase across from us swing open. I hold my breath. Here the guests come. It’s showtime.
Unfortunately, my excitement is short-lived. Everyone is wearing a mask, as expected. Of course they are. They can’t risk the staff recognizing them. I don’t know why I thought it wouldn’t be the case, and that Aran might be able to memorize a few faces so we can identify them later tonight. Not me, I’m shit with faces, names too. But there are still ways I can impress Aran if we get a lead on who the guests might be.
The masks vary, from Venetian to half-face ones, as groups of threes and fours descend the ornate staircase. I hear all kinds of languages, recognizing among them English, Japanese, Thai, Spanish, Russian and German. I’m only fluent in the first three, but even so, the cacophony of sounds and chatter as background music begins playing is too distracting.
I don’t like noisy places. They make my head feel like it’s being squished so hard it’s about to explode. It’s something about the combination of high volume and variety along with my brain’s need for fewer stimuli in order to actually function. I just get overwhelmed easily, lost in everything that’s happening around me. Bright flickering lights, overcrowded spaces, too many scents can all confuse me in the same way, but sound is the most problematic of them. And the hardest to avoid. My custom-made, noise-canceling headphones help a ton, but when I am posing as security on a secret luxurious cruise, I can’t exactly wear them while on duty.
The dancers climb onto the stage near us and line up for their performance. Music explodes from the four massive speakers, reverberating through the floor and into my entire body. In no time, my head begins throbbing with sharp pain along the sides and temples.
This was a bad idea. Maybe I should’ve stayed in the kitchen after all. I can’t cook, but I can pretend that I can. Probably.
Part of the crowd congregates around the stage to watch the performance. Cologne and perfume mix into a potent and nauseating smell that mercilessly assaults my nose. The loud cheering and clapping and stomping of feet around me causes the world to spin. Cold sweat breaks out all over me as I fight suffocation. Everything just got too much too quickly. I underestimated what a sudden rush of people could do to me. I thought I had prepared myself.
Heaving in an attempt to get enough air to my lungs, I squeeze my eyes shut. We’re so screwed if I don’t get myself under control and end up blowing our cover.
Calm down, Hex. You got this. Just calm down. This is all part of the plan. The crowd is good. It makes it easier to blend in. Just stick to the script and you will be fine. This panic shit only happens the first time, just until you get used to the surroundings. Five more minutes and it will be over.
