“Not Aran. He works in the off-limits area and looks a lot like you.” The frown of confusion on Aran’s face brings a smile to mine. “And he also agreed to hang out with me on his day off.”
9
Aran
IttakesHexuntilwe are in our cabin to get to the point. According to him, the guy he met who works in the off-limits area could be my way in.
“He was kind of cute, you know,” he says, sinking into the couch with a sigh. “But only because he looks like you. You are cuter.”
I cross my arms and lean my ass against the dining table’s edge, peeking out the window. With the curtains wide open, all I can see is darkness. It’s everywhere outside, stretching for hundreds of miles above and under the water. The ship’s exact destination and route are unknown. ‘As security, you don’t need to know’ is what the job brief stated.
The captain’s cabin is in one of the off-limits areas too, so it’s not like I can sneak in and check either. There are cameras everywhere, and even if I somehow managed to avoid them, I’d still need to figure out a way to take care of the guards and patrols.
“How did your dinner go?”
Hex hangs his head off the couch’s backrest and shrugs as our eyes meet. “Fine. The food was great if a little too fancy for my preferences.”
This wasn’t what I meant, and if he is hedging like this, it could only mean bad news. “Tien. That wasn’t what I was asking.”
His plush lips press in a line. “I couldn’t recognize anyone. Sorry. You know I’m bad with faces.” Bad would be an understatement. Sometimes, I’m still surprised that he remembers what I look like. “And I couldn’t get much out of the Lynxes. But…”
The way he trails off and averts his gaze raises my hackles. Did something happen? I clench my hands into fists, feeling my nails dig into my palms. Did the two do something to him?
Quicker than my brain can keep up with, I’ve crossed the room and cradled Hex’s head with both hands. His eyes go wide, the brown in them shimmering with the reflections of the light strips along the cabin’s ceiling.
I’d murder anyone who as much as plucks a hair off this man’s head.
Hex’s smile is slow as he searches my face. His gaze lingers on my mouth, growing a little darker and sending a thrilling surge of electricity down my spine. I’m too close. I must put some distance between us before he bewitches me with his eyes, but I also must make sure he’s unharmed. That nothing happened to him.
The need to ascertain that is so strong I can’t push it down. My heart beats a maddening rhythm as my hands roam his head, then slide along his lean neck, checking for bruises and cuts. He arches his back off the couch, biting on those full lips. They look so impossibly tempting, calling out to me like a siren luring a tipsy deckhand in the middle of a moonless night.
What would they taste like? I’ve always wondered about that. I know I shouldn’t—Hex is and will forever be off-limits—but sometimes I can’t help it. He’s not a kid anymore. He’s a young man, who despite his questionable sense of fashion, always turns heads wherever he goes. It’s always been like that, even if at first I pretended I didn’t notice it because it’s not my place to meddle in his affairs.
But I also want what’s best for him. He deserves someone good and trustworthy to stand by his side, someone who will do anything to keep him happy and safe. I wouldn’t settle for anything less, even if I am yet to meet a man or woman that’s worthy.
I slide my fingers along his collarbone, not quite sure how they got there. His hand meets me halfway, gentle but assertive as it tries to guide me off my intended course. I know that game, but still, I let him play it just like I let him get away with a lot of things that he shouldn’t.
“I think you need to check lower,” he rasps, showing me a row of white teeth as he bites off a moan. “Like, inside my pants.”
I give in. I drag my fingers down his lean pecs and let him ensnare me with his big eyes. Just for a heartbeat. Just so I can get rid of this budding urge to be even closer to him.
My lapse of judgement lasts only a second, but even if short, it is enough so the heat of his body enters mine and lights me on fire.
He’s beautiful. Painfully irresistible. It’s gotten so much worse in the past two years, the way he looks at me, the little touches we share, the bold confessions he drops whenever he feels like it. If I had known my best friend’s son would become the one man who can turn my world on its axis, I would have removed myself from the picture ages ago.
But I thought I could handle it. I thought his little stunts meant nothing, that he would get over his crush on me eventually. Part of me still believes that, waiting for the day when Hex will meet his person and forget all about me.
I retract my hand, vibrating from all the conflicting feelings within me. Hex’s eyebrows slant down in dissatisfaction, but he doesn’t try to stop me. He just lets out a sigh and swivels around so he’s leaning his forearms on the backrest. With his face no longer upside down, I can catch the hint of lingering want, the disappointment of things not going his way.
“You’re such a party pooper. I thought you’d finally realized that it is your duty as my future husband to deflower me.”
I rub my forehead, not sure whether I should laugh or groan. My hands itch with the urge to grab him and shake some sense into him, but I’m not sure that would even help. I’m forty and he’s twenty-three, which makes me too old for him. He can find someone better who’s his age. Not to mention I am the only father figure he’s had since his dad passed. I will be the one to walk him down the aisle when the time comes, so, for both of our sakes, I need to end this once and for all.
Why? I’ve wondered for as long as I can remember, always arriving at the same answer. He’s too young, too free, not haunted by a past bound on duty. I shouldn’t even entertain the idea of a ‘we’, but it still crosses my mind. Because what if I could really be the person who stands by his side?
But that is impossible. My future is full of danger he doesn’t need in his life. Our paths don’t lead to the same destination, our ages are too far apart. His ‘love’ for me is probably a mix of confused admiration and the fact that I am the closest thing to a family he has. He’s just recently entered the adult world, he hasn’t experimented yet, hasn’t figured out what he likes, but when he does, he will forget all about me.
It scares me, terrifies me, that I might lose him one day like I lost my best friend. It tells me that I am already letting myself get too deep in this, that I’ve strayed from the path of professionalism that I must maintain as his guardian. That’s all I am and all I should be. A substitute for a father. A family until he creates one of his own.
