Part Four
Cormac
Chapter Twenty-three
Cillian watched me take my phone out of my pocket and check the screen. “Have you still not heard from him?”
I shook my head. “It’s normal that he’d need some time. It was a lot for him. Especially dumped on him the way it was.”
We’d finally gotten around to our reconciliation dinner. The funny thing was that after being in cahoots to set up the father/son reunion, it didn’t feel needed anymore. Cillian already talked to me differently. More like I was an adult rather than a naughty child who wouldn’t do what he was told.
Cillian forked up some pasta, chewing and swallowing, before responding. “He should be grateful. They talked. His father’s safely in rehab. And he’s not even out of pocket.”
I toyed with the food on my plate, my appetite having accompanied the empty starter plates back to the kitchen. “Human emotions don’t work like that. I lied to him, locked him in a room, and refused to let him come out until he’d taken himself to an emotional place I knew would hurt, and that he’d spent years avoiding.”
Cillian stared at me. “Who are you? And what have you done with my brother?”
I laughed. “I grew up. You just failed to notice.”
He waved a hand at my phone. “Call him.”
I dutifully pressed call, Cillian grimacing when it rang and rang before going to voicemail. I didn’t bother leaving a message. There was no point. I’d already left three, apologizing for the way I’d gone about things, and asking him to call me back. I couldn’t keep saying the same thing repeatedly. Not without coming across like someone who couldn’t take a hint.
“He spoke to you after, though, didn’t he?” Cillian asked. “When we were finalizing the arrangements for getting his father to Cheshire?”
“He answered when I spoke to him, using as few words as possible, and all without looking me in the eye. The signs were there when I look back at it now.”
Cillian grimaced again. “Well, sometimes you have to reap the consequences of your actions.”
“Like you did with Finn,” I pointed out. “Where you had to grovel to get him back.”
Cillian laughed. “It’s hardly the same thing. Finn and I were in a relationship. It might not have been a picture perfect relationship, but it was one. You and Laurent were just friends. And it wasn’t like you’d known each other very long.” I stared at him, Cillian narrowing his eyes. I kept staring until doubt set in. “Weren’t you?”
Do you even know how to tell the truth anymore?There was something about those words from Laurent that had hit hard. Perhaps because it was true. I had gotten into the habit of telling an awful lot of lies lately. To Cillian. To Finn. To Laurent. Even to Katrina to get her off my back. “You were right,” I admitted, “that at the beginning we were pretending. My idea. Not Laurent’s. He just got dragged into it.”
“I knew it!” Cillian looked mighty pleased with himself. “You don’t turn bisexual in the space of ten days.”
I held his gaze. “No. Apparently, it takes a little longer than that.” When he frowned, I laid it on the line. “And then we started sleeping together.”
Cillian blinked. “Define sleeping.”
“Well, I don’t mean we got into our pajamas and took it in turns to read bedtime stories until the other one fell asleep.”
“You mean…?”
“Sex, Cillian. Sex.” A woman at the next table turned her head, and I offered her an apologetic smile. I lowered my voice. “What’s French for sex?”
“I think it’s the same word, pronounced slightly different.”
“Great.”
Cillian sat back in his chair, apparently having lost interest in his food. “You and Laurent?”
“Yes… Me and Laurent. I thought it was just sex at first, but then it became more.”
“More?”
“Feelings,” I said, my voice clipped. “I was adamant it was nothing but a bit of fun, and now I have cause to regret those words. It’s become crystal clear during these last three days where he wouldn’t speak to me that I was fooling myself. I’d tell him that, but that would require him to be speaking to me.” I mustered up some genuine honesty. “The difficult relationship with his father was an emotional barrier for him. I thought if I could solve that, he might be ready to have a relationship with someone. It’s taken me longer to face up to the fact that I’d like that someone to be me.”
