But mixed in with the relief, something darker gnawed at her insides now. Something more akin to betrayal.
There he was, practically falling over himself, having the time of his life. The way he bumped elbows with the man next to him as their heads dunked backward with laughter was too familiar for this to be a first encounter. In fact, the way his guard was down at all, showed how much he trusted these people and this place.
He was so thoroughly at peace here that he hadn’t even noticed the tavern quieting at her passing.
Everything crashed into her then. The liveliness of the town. The prosperous market. The kindness of the few strangers she had already encountered.
This was not Thom’s first time here.
Nor his second or third.
Thom had been lying to her. Perhaps her entire life. This wasn’t the dangerous world he had warned her about. It was messy and chaotic, sure. But not once had she ever been in true peril like he had told her she would be. No one had robbed her. No one had snatched her off the streets—except to save her. No one had caused her any physical harm, and even the brothers who had wounded her pride, she was fairly certain they hadn’t meant to.
Other than the Maw, she had been perfectly safe out here.
Kestrel had spent a lifetime locked away in a tower out of fear. And for what? So that Thom could have this secret refuge to himself? So that he could drink and be merry with friends, while she worried herself to death wondering if he would ever make it back to her alive?
The hot sting of tears swelled in her eyes.
The other people at Thom’s table took notice of her and their laughter stopped.
Thom was mid-drink, so it took him a moment longer tocatch on. But as the rest of the bar fell into a curious silence, Thom’s spine finally went taut.
Slowly, he turned around to see what everyone else was staring at.
He blanched at the sight of her.
“K-Kestrel!” Thom shot to his feet, his thighs crashing against the table so suddenly he almost knocked over every mug of ale atop it. He winced at the jolt of pain it sent through his bum leg, and Kestrel felt a small modicum of satisfaction. It was the least he deserved. Thom scrambled to his feet and faced her. “What are you doing here…” He was breathless at first. But the initial shock of seeing her wore off quickly, and Kestrel watched a wave of ire flood his face. “You shouldn’t be here. I told you to stay inside?—”
A humorless laugh as sharp as glass cut through her. “Yeah, well, I’m glad I didn’t.”
The audacity of him. To act as ifshewere the one in the wrong here? He had imprisoned her with lies. He owed her a lifetime of apologies, and instead he was scolding her like a child.
Thom hobbled around his chair and reached for her as if he was ready to drag her all the way back to their tower and lock her away again.
She wouldn’t allow it.
Not now.
Not ever.
Kestrel jumped back and put one of the other populated tables between them.
“You lied to me,” she said through gritted teeth. She didn’t want to look at him, but looking out at the room full of people—of so many more living souls than what he led her to believe were still out there—it only made her outrage louder. Made it burn brighter. Kestrel clenched her fists. “You saideveryone was dead. You said there was nothing out here except monsters and madness!”
“Therearemonsters out here,” he countered. Using the back of a chair to support himself, Thom grunted and pushed himself to stand taller. His leg wobbled, but he forced it to steady. As if he couldn’t dream of being cowed by her. “I never lied to you. Peoplehavedied. Hundreds of thousands of them, and that number grows every day.”
All around the tavern, heads bobbed and mugs rose in agreement. It seemed to be what made Thom realize just how much attention they had drawn.
He lowered his voice and extended a hand toward her. “I know you’re upset, but let’s talk about this outside, alright?”
Kestrel folded her arms. “I’m fine talking here.”
As much as the vise on her chest was tightening and she would’ve loved to be back in the open air, Kestrel wanted the audience. They were the only way she could gauge the truth of his words now.
Thom went to drag a hand through his greasy hair, but the goggles stopped him. He sighed and stretched out his hands instead, appearing conflicted and frustrated, but more so the latter. “I can’t give you the answers you want here.”
“As if you’d give them to me anyway,” she bit back.
