Cee climbs into the tub, and I quickly take off the athletic shorts I’d shoved on this morning. He scooches forward so I can slide into the bath behind him. I lather up the loofah and gently rub it in slow circles over his chest. I lift each of his arms to clean his underarms and then rinse the soap off. He sits forward slightly when I nudge him so I can massage the shampoo into his scalp and hair before rinsing it off.
While I leave the conditioner in his hair for a few minutes, I rub his shoulders, digging my thumbs into the knotted muscles, and he slowly begins to relax under my ministrations. Once he’s all rinsed off, we get out of the bath and I grab a big, fluffy grey towel to dry him off with.
Back in the bedroom, I fetch us both a clean pair of boxers—whose is whose is anybody’s guess at this point. But when I pull back the duvet, Cee shakes his head at me.
“I can’t, Fee. Every time I close my eyes… I… I just see…”
“Come on, I have an idea.” Connecting my phone to the bedside speaker, I put on the audiobook ofThe Colour of Magicby Terry Pratchett; it was one of Connor’s favourites when he was younger. “You don’t have to sleep, but youdoneed to rest. I’ll stay right here, and if you can’t sleep, listen to the book. But if you doze off, I’ll be right here when you wake up. I won’t go anywhere, I promise.”
Cee curls up on his side, and I wrap myself around him, trying to cocoon him from all the awful shit in the world. He only manages to fight his exhaustion for a few minutes before he falls asleep in my arms.
Twenty-seven
October 2022
Phoenix Campbell
We laid Archie’s body to rest yesterday. Jasper, Alice, Niamh and Will joined Cee and me as we said our goodbyes. And Alice is staying with us for a few days. It’s nice having her here; Alice lived next door to me for most of my life, and I’ve missed having her close by. She’s currently lying on her front on the living room floor, trying to entice Magnus into chasing after a ball of tinfoil. Magnus seems less than impressed since he’s already investigated the foil and is fully aware no food is contained within it. I never saw myself becoming a cat person, but I’m quite enamoured with this particular fluffball. I also love how he turns Cee into a total marshmallow.
“Where’s Connor?” Alice asks. He was gone when we got home from a run in the woods.
“He’s out working on some secret project he won’t tell me about.”
“Why’s it a secret?”
“No idea; he won’t tell me. He’s been working on it for a few months; that’s all I know.”
“You are such a guy. I don’t know a single woman who wouldn’t have found out exactly what he’s up to.” Alice raises an eyebrow at me, silently asking permission to investigate this.
“Nope. Contain your nosiness. He’ll let me know what it is when he’s good and ready.”
“Ugh. You’re so annoyingly mature and reasonable. It’s boring. What happened to the guy who spent years sleeping with the enemy in secret?” she asks, trying to bait me. I sigh.
“He ended up engaged to his boyfriend’s sister and had enough drama to last a lifetime. Things with me and Connor are finally in a good place again, so I’m enjoying it while it lasts.” I laugh lightly.
“Are you ever going to tell him what your mum did?” I groan because I just want to leave the past in the past, and everyone seems to insist on dragging it back up again.
“I thought about it not long after we got married. But then, eventually, we ended up sorting through things, and now it feels like I’d be picking at a gnarly scab. Also, Connor is hot-tempered. There’s nothing to say he wouldn’t lose his shit and end up outing my mum, and there’s nothing to be gained from that.”
What I don’t tell her is how even though I genuinely believe it’s for the best Cee doesn't know what my mum did; keeping the secret from him eats at me, especially since my conversation with Jasper last month. I can’t help but think that when we started over with a clean slate, he should have known the real reason we ended up there in the first place.
“I want to join your pack,” Alice says, and my jaw drops.
“What? But your parents? Your brother?” I ask, stammering and gobsmacked.
“I have family in your mum’s pack. I have family in the Eastwood pack. But my best friend is inthispack.” I swallow the lump in my throat. Alice is practically a sister to me at this point, and as much as I think it will cause some tension with my mum if she leaves, I can’t deny I wouldn’t love having her nearby again.
“Are you sure, though? Me and Connor don’t currently have the greatest track record for pack members…” She gives me a wide-eyed look and smacks my shin closest to her.
“Jesus, Nix, that’s dark. I can’t stay in the Lake District. I know you’ve decided to put the past in the past, but I don’t want an Alpha who will abuse their power.” She looks determined, and I know she won’t budge on this. I feel guilty for being the one who told her what my mum did.
“Alice—”
“No, don’t ‘Alice’ me. Your mum broke the law, Nix. She Alpha Ordered her own son into getting married, and I’ll keep your secret, but I can’t live under her thumb when I know the truth.” I don’t argue with her because I know there’s no point. Before I can respond, though, the front door slams shut loudly, and I wince.
Cee doesn’t come into the living room right away; he clatters in the kitchen. His lack of a greeting doesn’t bode well for me. This probably makes me a terrible person, but I’m kind of hoping Alice's presence will keep him at a simmer rather than boiling over.
“Babe, there’s leftovers in the fridge for you,” I shout, testing the waters. He appears in the doorway, and his eyes look ablaze with fury.
