“It’s going to be worse than that, Cady,” I inform her. How to explain evil to someone so pure-hearted and sweet? Someone who has caught glimpses of an illusion, but struggled to believe the truth, because how could someone who loved her be so cruel?
“I’ll explain as best I can from what I know,” I say carefully. “Instead of dealing with the trauma of losing his wife, your dad — stupidly — decided he’d shove that emotional and physical workload onto you, so he could carry on without having to grieve or heal. And now, all these years later, he’s still completely dependent on you staying exactly where you are, nicely trapped under all the burdens he refuses to carry. His life can’t go on as it does without you playing you part — the part he forced you into at the ripe old age of twelve. You’re with me?”
Cady nods slowly, her eyes wide and haunted. She’s starting to get it.
“Babe, you’re the linchpin of the lies he created to survive. You’re the truth that’s always been waiting to defeat his masks and stories. And when you’re gone, he’ll have deal with every overwhelming emotion and selfish decision he’s been avoiding for years. The thought alone will terrify him. If he’d just acknowledged your worth and treated you right, it wouldn’t have been a problem, but we all know he didn’t.”
Cady sighs. “He’s not abadman. He does love me, and I know he has it in him to be better. He wasn’t always like this.”
I nod along, having told myself the same words once upon a time — after every bruise, broken bone, and broken nose. Afterevery poisoned drink, betrayed heart, and incident of stolen winnings.
“I know, babe. People respond differently to the things that happen to them. For example, you chose the opposite path to your father’s. You lost your mom, and when you were confronted with a deficit of love, you doubled-down on how much you could give. You have so much empathy and compassion, it’s easy for you to see and believe in anyone’s potential, and that’s a beautiful thing. But not everyone deserves the countless chances your kind heart has been willing to give. Some people are self-absorbed energy vampires, and they’ll bleed you dry without a second thought if it serves them. Maybe they’ll throw you a breadcrumb of love here and there, to keep from losing their supply completely, but they’re parasites. When someone shows you who they are by the way they treat you,believethem.
“The second you tell him you’re leaving, your dad’s demons will be whispering in his ear about how to fix the situation, but they’re demons, so they’ll never suggest therightsolution — which is to take accountability for his behavior and change it. He’s worked tirelessly to fool everyone into thinking he’s the hero and you’re just a sidekick, and he’s done it so long, he actually believes his own story. There’s no way he’ll be ready to admit you’re the star. That would make him the villain, and once that truth is exposed, his cushy, ego-fueled life is over. He won’t want you going anywhere, and he’ll do everything in his power to keep you under his control, Cady. The abuse will escalate. Ask me how I know.”
She places her hand over my heart. “I’m so sorry you know.”
“I’m not,” I say squarely, doing my best to model calm and remind her that I not only survived the road I traveled to heal, I also thrived on the other side. That way she’ll believe she can make the journey too. “It was a shitty experience to have, but I’m stronger for it. I’m so secure in myself now, nobody couldever destabilize me again. I needed to learn that not everybody deserves my love, and once I truly saw my father for the limited, wounded man he was, I understood that sacrificing myself wasn’t ever going to help him, it only enabled him to stay blind to the hard truths about himself that he needed to face. He never knew what he had until he lost it, and if I hadn’t walked away when I did, one or both of us would be dead. I could never let myself be sorry for what I’ve been through, if I can use the wisdom I gained, to help you break free from the same vicious cycle. You don’t belong in a cage, Cady. You deserve the world, and I’ll do everything in my power to help you get it.”
She presses her forehead to mine a moment and then kisses me so sweetly it makes my heart ache. “You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me, Daryl Winters. Thank you for loving me like nobody else.”
I nuzzle against her, feeling such intense affection, I can hardly breathe. “Likewise, Cadence Malone.”
13
CADENCE
It’s been just over two weeks since I could be called a virgin, and I’m not sure if anyone else can tell, but when I look in the mirror each day, I swear, it shows.
Instead of the tired, shell of a girl I used to see, I look positively bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, and I’m pretty sure it’s because of all the love that Daryl’s been pouring into me.
The love, and the cum,I think with a smirk. During our secret sleepovers and extra library time, Daryl and I have been experimenting in wonderful ways. I’ve taken a liking to having his nutrient-dense seed drip from both ends, and I think that change in my diet is having an effect. I proudly scrunch the curls I’ve put through my unusually lush and glossy hair and can’t help but notice a luminous glow to my skin.
I look myself over in the mirror and turn to check out my ass in the figure-hugging dress. My curves are on full display with the stretchy, deep-green fabric, and there’s no denying I’m a well-rounded woman. I move my hips, loving the freedom in the movement the dress gives me and its softness as it slides against my skin. There’s no way to wear underwear without their lines being seen, and the thought of everyone knowing I’m bare-assedbeneath makes my nipples harden. I can see them through the fabric too.
It’s a dress made to make a man drool, as Daryl put it — while wiping his mouth — when I tried it on for him. His usual look of deep appreciation went into battle with a hungrier, more mischievous gaze, and I smile when I think about it. I had messy hair and no makeup on at the time, so when he sees me tonight, he’s probably going to drop his jaw so drastically, his tongue will roll out along the floor, like one of those cartoon wolves who go about whistling at sassy-hipped femme fatales.
I’ve never been overly impressed with my looks, but even I can’t deny how utterly fuckable I feel in this dress. How powerful. I have the ability to turn headsandset them rolling. And that is both terrifying and exhilarating.
I have always dreamed of wearing something like this, but I would never have dared wear it in public — before now. Before Daryl and I truly connected. On every level.
I meet my gaze in the reflection and catch the bright flash of glee in my eyes. I’m in love. Forbidden love. And my secrets look good on me. One look at the vibrant and glowing woman in the mirror, and it’s easy to see that I have loved every second of my time with Daryl. Every covert smile. Every whispered word of truth and praise. Every stolen touch, filled with fondness and warmth, and every body-wracking orgasm that has left me sated and yet always hungry for more.
With Daryl’s support, I’ve been lifting myself out of victim-mode, taking the wheel of my life, and becoming the sexy badass I always knew was hidden under all those layers of guilt, people pleasing, and fear of judgment. Wanting more for myself than the breadcrumbs of love I’ve been given does not make me selfish, unkind, or disloyal. It makes me human. And when I compare my behavior to that of those around me, I’m a damned good one.
“Tonight, I take my first real step toward freedom, and with Daryl backing me up, I’m going to feel safeandwonderful,” I tell my reflection, before I head downstairs to check in with the nurse from Morrinsville, whom Daryl hired to give me the night off. I know from the early days of Mom’s care how much that costs, and I had concerns it was too generous a gift — to which he pointed out, that’s what I should be getting paid daily, for all that I do. He also said that although we wouldn’t be able to go together, the dance was sort of a date, so he gets to pay.
It’s hard to argue with the man when he’s got his mind made up to treat me like fucking royalty.
I eventually accepted his offer and agreed to the cover story that I’ve paid for the nurse out of my savings, because that sends a message to my father about how entitled I feel to a fun night out — how ready I am to take the first step out from the oppression under which I’ve been living. I’m ready to give everyone their first glimpse of exactly who the fuck I am. Standing tall in this dress, with my head high and my hair loose, I finally look like the bad bitch I’ve always had to keep quiet and hidden, and I’m ready to go out and claim the life that is mine.
I’m not even scared about what my father will say. He’s a broken record I’ve unconsciously been turning down for years, but I don’t need to let his music keep playing. I can play a new song —something I like. Happy in my skin and with my choices, nothing that anybody thinks of me seems to matter much anymore. I’ve already heard it all before, and I can no longer summon the ability to care. Even Daryl will be the first to say that the only opinion I need to give a damn about is my own. Which is why I love him so fucking much.
I’ve struggled for years to please everyone around me, only to realize I will never be able to do that and still please my own authentic self. It hurts to accept that, but I can’t do any better, can’t give any more. I’ve been staring down the barrel atburnout, while fenced in and walking on eggshells, and I can’t sustain it. I’ve done the best that I can, and I’ve finally made my peace with that. It’s time to step away, and if looking after myself for a while makes me an ungrateful child unworthy of love, then that’s what I am. I’m going to inform my father that he’ll have a week to find a new full-time carer, look after Mom himself, or put her in a facility, because I’m leaving, and I won’t be coming back.
My aim isto be fashionably late. I want to blend in before anyone can be too surprised to see me in their midst, and it’s definitely dark enough to give me some cover. The sky is clear, but the moon is a quarter after full, and it feels like the perfect night to duck in and out of the shadows however I need to.
Light flows into the Thompson’s gravel courtyard from the wide-open barn doors, but the approach from the parking area remains dimly lit, not quite illuminated by the welcoming fire pits out front. Nobody’s going to know I’m here until I get inside, and that’s exactly what I want. Dad’s less likely to cause a scene in front of the people he spends all his time fooling into believing he’s a composed man of class and firm but fair values.
